Thursday, July 14, 2016

signs from the soul...

I was denied, by my stepmom and stepbrother, the ability to get my father's fingerprint made into a pendant when we went to the funeral home to pick out his casket and do paperwork. It devastated me and I'm having a very hard time letting go of the negative emotions I feel now because of that. I guess my dad didn't see the value in me doing that, but I sure did. Instead, I went out and got a pendant made with his initials on the front and his dates of birth and death on the back and I wear it every day with the heart pendant Thor gave me. Both of the important men in my life next to my heart every day. That's what I wanted and I suppose that's what I got, just not exactly as I needed it to be. 
I was just in Montana for a week, and Thor and I were creating an outdoor rock patio, working hard. We were just talking and Thor said to me, "My dad's middle name was Powers..." and it hit me. Our dad's had exactly the same initials. 

You know, there are signs that we're supposed to recognize in this life that are engrained into our souls before we are reincarnated, signs that you are with your soulmate. That is one of the signs, I just knew it instantly. so maybe at the end of it all, I was supposed to go out and get my own pendant made, so I'd have the opportunity to recognize that sign. 

Looking at it that way, the act of denial at the beginning isn't such a hard pill to swallow.

Jules :Oj

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

shizz.

It's been a very difficult day... and night.

an incident with my work.
a son inquiring about living with father instead of me.
dead end thoughts about my future.

I realize I chose this path. I wanted to be a single parent because I thought it was better than being stuck in a non-loving marriage. I thought I was capable of raising a child and keeping him well rounded and happy. I fell with open arms and an open heart in love with Thor, who lives so far away. I picked my occupation because it would support my family. Everything I do in life seems to be reasonable and sensible, well thought out.

But I can dream, can't I? Can't I dream about a life where Thor, Thanan and I get to be happily living together someplace where Thor would still have accessibility to the things he loves, and that we can love together as a family? In some dreamland where we get to continue on the tradition of keeping on going to Flathead Lake on the weekends like he has his whole life? Where he can still be within distance of some ski hills he knows and loves? Can't I dream about a blended lifestyle where we are all happy? Can't I dream about it all without feeling like shizz?

The problem is... dreams aren't reality, are they? Reality is harsh and largely unrewarding. I don't know the answers. I'm just doing the best I can with all 3 of the men/boys in my life, trying to make them all happy and claim some sort of happiness for myself in the process too.

I wish things weren't so hard. I'm so damned tired of waiting for happiness to begin.  Things aren't how I'd hoped they'd be when I set down this fork of independence in the road.

But I know... I know I chose this all.... so now I just have to deal with it and there's no room for selfish dreams.

Jules :'O(

Sunday, May 22, 2016

For all he was... and forever will be.

He was power and courage, strength and dignity. He was a highly intelligent engineer. He was open minded and accepting of others. He had a great sense of humor and was always the right amount of serious and play. He loved to tell jokes, he loved to visit, he loved knowing his roots, and he did his best to keep us all grounded. He read everything and anything and did his best to instil that into others. He could speak 3 languages. He had the kindest eyes and a very big heart. He had THE best memory of events, places and people. He was a great teacher of values and morals. He knew the value of people and family. He loved to celebrate and make the most of life. Even when life got to be the hardest, he still wore a smile. Even up to his last few minutes on earth, he STILL laughed and smiled. And then yesterday he said that when he got to see the review of his life played before him in his dream, he was content with what he saw. And he wasn't scared... and he was looking forward to going where there was no pain.

He was my Dad. And now his 66 year old body has lost its life, but his soul will live on and on. He said he was very satisfied with the life he lived here, and proud of all of his accomplishments. I can't imagine he had any regrets.

He leaves us behind, but I know that one day we will get to hang out with each other again, somewhere on the spirit plane where souls go to rejuvenate before selecting their next adventure.

I'll catch up with you there, Dad. Watch for me.
I love you.
Julie
May 22, 2016
12:14pm
<3 p="">

Thursday, May 19, 2016

That's very shapely!

You know how you can look up at the sky and as the clouds change form they sometimes seem to take on the shape of an object that's familiar to you?  A dragon, a turtle, a panda bear, a shoe...

Or how sometimes if you stare at a piece of linoleum for long enough, eventually your mind lets you see outlines of objects in it too?

Or maybe the condensation mark left behind when you've picked up a frosty mug melds into the shape of something like a heart or the letter a...

Or how if you stand back a ways and look at rocks or the shape of a pond, you realize it's shaped like a heart?

Well this morning, my uhmm, waste deposit into the toilet was shaped exactly like a miniature penis with balls. You know, like the cake pan or little ice cubes at a bachelorette party would be shaped. Just like this item from Etsy (except not rainbow colored, though that would have been very fascinating). It really made me laugh. And before you ask "who stands up and looks at their poo?" I'll answer with "Who doesn't, considering knowing your waste is quite important to your well being."

It's fun finding shapes where you don't really expect to. Especially ones that are shaped like male body parts. Fun.

Jules :Ogiggle)

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

years ahead.

Sometimes I feel like I'm months or years ahead of some people. At my part time job, that I basically just go do for fun and extra money, I wrote a newsletter about the use of movement in learning and how teachers could adapt their lessons and classrooms to incorporate kinesthetic learning. It was a great newsletter. I did it about a year ago, at least.

Yesterday, my boss at my part time job presented me with this new direction she's going to take the store... and guess what it is? To be the Western Canadian distributor for kinesthetic learning classroom equipment! When she told me that, I was like "YES! I did a newsletter about that a long time ago!"

It's a thrilling thing to get into, and something that I believe the science behind. I'm stoked, really. It's already happening in the States, and now she's going to be the supplier for all of Western Canada... that's a pretty big and cutting edge sort of thing.

So, if you want to order kinesthetic equipment for your classroom, call us up at Kids In Harmony Store, in Red Deer. 403-309-0588. We'll get you hooked up.

Jules :OD


Monday, May 16, 2016

My "one"...

I know I found my "one". 

He's loving, respectful, handsome, kind, loyal, strong, hilarious, gentle, protective, knowledgeable, generous, fair, interesting, dynamic, thoughtful, supportive, quirky, moral... 

I live for time with him, really, because when I'm with him, every part of me is content. Every cell feels at home and comfortable. I don't worry. I don't have anxiety. I am able to let go of all the things that stress me out and just be in the moments as they arrive with him. I feel when I'm with him. Being with him is so easy and rewarding.

Much of life without his presence in it is dull, stressful, fierce and harsh. There's so much negativity in the spaces that surround me daily, and it's hard to not let it get to me. 

But with him... oh.... life is so very, very good. 

So then why don't I get to be with him always? Why is it that still, after nearly 6 years into this relationship, we are the couple that's not together full time yet? In my past life, I think I must never have had to wait for anything, so now in this one, this is the lesson I have to learn. I must learn patience and perseverance. But... how long do I have to do this test for? I'm pretty sure I've rocked it so far, and learned what I need to know. 

I found my "one"... and all I want to do is be with him. When is it my turn to have my voice heard and to have my heart happy? Feels like never. 

I found my "one" and I'm ready for our life... together

Jules :Omelancholy.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Training for Husbands?

This ad appeared in the Pioneer's April 1st edition.


The fine print reads: "That's 1-APR-ILF-OOLD. I was fooled for sure... for a minute. Good one!
It's great to see people with such a good sense of humor.

Jules :O)

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Bird calls of the mighty car...

When my brakes wore out last time, they made an unreal screeching sound that you could literally hear from one side of a mountain to another. I remember clearly, very sloooowly driving up the Going To The Sun Road in Montana with Thanan in the back seat and due to a massive back log and construction, I had to constantly apply my brakes. Omg, the headache I got from the continuous squealing. Terrible. And embarrassing.  But easy to diagnose. When your brakes sound like a thousand bald eagles are descending upon your vehicle, that's a brake job in the waiting. All 4 brakes replaced and about $450, I was on my way again, with great stealth once more.

Two weeks ago, I went to put my summer tires on my car and in tightening one of the lug nuts, it completely sheered off one of the studs. I didn't know how to fix that, and was in a slight panic because right now more than ever, I need my car. So I took it to the only place in town that had a stud, Canadian Tire, and they fixed it and I was on the road again, $150 later.

Within the past week, I've noticed another bird call sound coming from my car, it started just being on occasion, but now it's almost every time I brake. This time, I'm thinking it's the gentle yet high pitched chirp-whooping sound of the disc brakes on the back, coincidentally coming from the same location as the tire that I had the trouble with. So tomorrow I'll take it in. Maybe it's just a rock. Maybe it's the callipers slightly sticking as a result of them fixing the stud. Maybe it's the fact that I need another set of brakes. Tomorrow we will see. For the first year in a long time, I'll be getting back an income tax return. Good thing too, because I'm pretty sure I know where it will be going.

The whole ting's ironic, because last month, I paid off my car, finally. Since then, I've had a few things already go wrong with it. It's like it knows that I finally have that extra payment money, so it's going to make sure to use that all up for me. Joy.

Jules :Ough/


Saturday, April 09, 2016

sad.

Haven't been writing much lately.  I found out that my dad's terminally ill. He told us a month ago. It's amazing how time passes so quickly. Thankfully, I've gotten to see him 6 times so far, and I hope for at least that many more, but I don't know how much longer we'll have left. It's a 3 hour driving day when I go there, and I've got to be able to catch him on a good day that also meshes with my rigid daily routines.

As I knelt before him at his feet, I told him this the other day, the day after he decided he needed to move from his house to the palliative care unit at the hospital:

"Dad, I just wanted to tell you this... I love you so much, and you're my hero, you've always been my hero and you always will be my hero, no matter what happens. I am SO proud of you for handling all of this with such dignity, humor and bravery. You really are an amazing man. I love you."

He said "I love you too," and went on to talk about the difficult but necessary decision to make the move into care.

As we both teared up, I felt a sense of relief having gotten to say that to him. I hope that when my time comes, I'll be able to handle it even half as well as he has been. Bless him for being so very awesome.

But what I've concluded through the many encounters with death that I've had over the years, is that there is no good way to go. Fast or slow, accidental or knowing... it's just as hard whether you as the survivor get to say everything you wanted to or it happened suddenly and you couldn't say anything at all. Watching and waiting is as traumatic as a sudden event. Death is just hard no matter what. So be kind, be patient with those around you going through tragedies, offer support as you can, and while your loved ones are still healthy and full of vitality, let them know the important stuff, and for God's sake... try and laugh. It's easy to forget how to live and laugh, yourself... but it's so important.

Jules :'O(

Friday, April 08, 2016

Fix that, fix it now!

For those who just don't get how to manage those socially awkward situations, here are some instructions to make your life easier.

Situation: Your friend's got something in their teeth.
Resolution #1: Just pull out a toothpick or a flosser from your pocket/bag/purse and nonchalantly hand it to them. Keep talking seamlessly so as not to draw attention to the unruly stuck spinach.
Resolution #2: As quickly and flamboyantly as you can, pull out your compact mirror, open it and shove it into their face, laughing hysterically. Sometimes you don't need words, just laughter.

Situation: Buddy's got a booger hanging on.
Resolution #1: Just hand them a kleenex, 'nuf said.
Resolution #2: Try this sentence on for size, "Dude. You've got a hanger" while motioning your own nose.
Resolution #3: Just start incessantly playing with your own nostrils until it catches on... some times things can be mimicked subconsciously and with any luck, it will knock the booger loose... problem solved.

Situation: Your friend's showing their crack as they sit down in jeans which are too low/small.
Resolution #1: Say nothing. This isn't really your problem, unless you find it embarrassing to sit next to, in which case, try resolution #2.
Resolution #2: Jump up and shield your friend's behind with your coat yelling "There's nothing to see here folks, move on, MOVE ON!!"  Next time, your friend will likely think twice about wearing better fitting pants.

Situation: Your lover's face has suddenly developed a giant whitehead and you can't take him/her romantically anymore because it's too distracting.
Resolution: Literally the only thing to do here is to gently just start touching their face, and offer to pop it for them. If you can't pop your lover's pimple, you aren't meant to be together. Chances are, they'll go off into the bathroom and do it themselves. But definitely point it out to them, they don't want to be a turn off.

Well, hopefully that will help you out in some potentially awkward moments. Best of luck!
Jules :O)


Monday, March 07, 2016

Romaine and Celery walked into a bar.....

I saw somewhere that you could re-grow a head of romaine lettuce just by simply putting the base of it, once you cut all the tops off, in a glass of water. So I did that, and put it on the window ledge on Friday night. To my amazement, here's what it looks like just 3 days later! Gardening literally could not be simpler. I think I'll buy 3 more heads of romaine, use the tops gradually and then re-grow them as well. I'll have a never ending supply of lettuce. THIS is the growing experiment kids should do at school instead of a bean plant or sunflower... It's almost instant! You don't even need soil.


If I am thinking clearly, I'm pretty sure I saw that you can do this with celery as well. Speaking of celery... check out this ad from the 60's (photo credit to 9gag.com, via pinterest)...


It says: "Fiber Rich, Packed with Vitamins, Ribbed for Xtra Pleasure!" 

Yes. Celery is ribbed for extra pleasure... when you go to shove it in places where you're not supposed to, it will feel extra good.

So that one got Thor and I on a google search for preposterous ads from the 60's. OMG! There are sooooo many outrageous ads! We laughed for about 30 mins straight, and we could have just gone on and on, I'm sure. What were the ad agencies of the 60's thinking?! SO funny, but sooo wrong in sooo many ways! 

Maybe the ad thing should have been a separate post.. because truly, it's funny enough to go on with forever. Everything from being happy because they ate lard, to ordering a blow up doll for 75cents. Seriously, if you're bored, just google "ridiculous ads from the 60's". You can thank me for the laugh after. 

Jules :Ohahahaha! 

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Blink Blink, Click Clack...

So I'm driving down the road, I've JUST gotten through the intersection, there are cars behind me, I'm FAR from the actual turn I need to make, and my brain tells my hand to engage the right signal light. "WTF? It's too soon for that, brain!" I think to myself.

So I have two options:
1) Turn off the signal light so I don't look like an idiot who signals WAY too early, or
2) Just leave it going and make it look like I meant to do that, knowing it's probably still going to make me look like an idiot.

Blink-Blink. Blink-Blink... my brain decides to leave it on. And then it takes what seems like an absolute eternity to reach the right hand turn up ahead.. all the while I'm convinced that I appear to be either a brand new driver, someone who's lost their wits about them, or just an idiot.  I'm not worried that they'll run into me, at least... I've been giving them plenty of time to understand that I'm turning. I'm a dumbass. I should have instantly clicked it off. Now I have to live with the fact that a complete stranger might think I'm a moron. Because that matters, right?

There's that scenario, which is a true story from earlier today, and then there's the one where the signal light gets left on even after the turn. This one, I can't understand. How can people leave it on by mistake? It clicks... CLICK-CLACK. CLICK-CLACK. I can hear that sound over top of my radio, and I can see the indicator light as it happens.. so to me, there's something really annoying about left on signal lights while I'm driving, and I'd imagine that it's the same with everyone else. But yet, I see it happen all the time. It makes me want to hold up a sign that says "You already turned/changed lanes, are you planning to turn now, again, into the ditch?" It makes me want to shout "Don't leave your signal on.. the blinking light is distracting!" Hey... do you think I could use that as an excuse if I ever got pulled over? "Ohhhh, sorry Officer... I was distracted and going into seizure because of the incessant flashing signal light on the car in front of me..." He doesn't need to know I'm not cursed with epilepsy, right?

I guess that's a pet peeve of mine. But then... I fell into the signal trap today too and just left it on.

Jules :Oj

Friday, February 19, 2016

Doing this parenting thing right...

Last night Thanan and I got talking about later on when he's older and how typically kids move away from home. I told him that maybe I'd move away and he could just rent my house from me, with a room mate or something. At first, he thought that was a great idea, because he'd have "more time to say goodbye to this house." But then he got a sad-ish look on his face and he told me that he'd just want to move to wherever I move to, because he'd always want to be with me. Then I told him that as we turn into adults, we tend to want our freedom and not to be under the same roof as our parents, and he understood that, but then said "Well, then with any luck, I can just buy whatever house is right next door to the house you're going to be living in, and we can be neighbours so that whenever you need help with something, I can come help you with it... then I can look after you like you look after me!"

Seriously. Sweet. Boy.

Made me feel like I must be doing something right in raising him so far!

Jules :Ohappymom)

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Ok, I'll jump back on board again... Hello Yoga.

Reconnecting with Yoga is going to be a good thing, I think. Last night I did a 30 minute routine, and then spun my bike downstairs for a little while. I used to do yoga about 3 or 4 times a week. I even tried Hot Yoga for a while.

Hot Yoga is ridiculous in my opinion, and I don't mean to offend anyone out there who loves it, because I know lots of people certainly do. But in my opinion, all it does is put you in these incredibly slippery positions where you really count on body parts sticking together, or at least to the mat, but are deprived of that false sense of security. Instead, hot yoga makes you feel like you just got out of the shower and are standing, dripping wet, on a greased up slip n-slide. And you're expected to stay quiet, composed, meditative while trying to pull off all these positions that you could barely be expected to do on solid ground, all the while, it's sooo humid that you can barely breathe and you literally feel like you're going to pass out. Then, when you just decide that you've had enough torture and try to leave the yoga room, they point to you, call you out and INSIST that you stay and just lay on your mat and breathe in a resting position until you feel better. By that point, you're nauseous, totally dehydrated, you've sweated out of every pore in your body (even places that you didn't know had pores), there's a large actual puddle on your mat, and you're convinced that you must stink, but your nostrils are also dripping with sweat and it's blocking any ill odor that you know must be seeping out of your body.  And then, just when you least expect it, you're told to go into downward dog position and the person directly in front of you lets out a little squeaker (because that's a great position for expelling gas) and you literally just about pass out because of the wet stench and the insane difficulty you have trying not to burst out laughing. Maintain composure at all times. The only assurance you give yourself is that everyone else is also being held prisoner in that same room enduring the same nonsense as you are having to go through for 90 minutes.  To me, hot yoga is like a test of survival. The only good feeling is that you actually came out of it alive. But for some reason... I went to 5 of those classes. I'm pretty sure it was 5. Maybe it was just 3 but it felt like 5.

Anyway, you sweat enough in a normal room doing yoga, if you're doing it right, employing every muscle in your body and breathing deeply. Oh, and that's another thing. Some of the positions you have to twist into really make it difficult to breathe.. some of them feel like you're taking your full lungs and compacting them into something akin to the size of an orange. And you're expected to control your breathing and take long deep breaths. To me, that's nearly impossible. I just stand there huffing and sputtering until the position is released, then I can breathe again, most of the time... well, in those really bendy positions.

It's just Heavenly.

I didn't know how I felt about yoga for a while because of the accusations that were floating around about the western world appropriating eastern culture and adapting it to please us. That sortof sucked and turned me off for a while, but you know... I did it last night and it felt good again. I don't know any of the real position names, I barely can do anything requiring balance, but I learned that it all comes back to you fairly quickly. Not the names... those, I'm hopeless at, but the balance and success of position comes back.  

So, I'm really looking forward to re-connecting with yoga.

Have you done yoga?

Jules :Ostretttccchhh)


Sunday, February 14, 2016

Declaring my love on the radio!

Well, today I did something that I can definitely count as one of my life's highlights... I got to proclaim my love and tell my love story about how Thor and I met on this very blog over 5 years ago! You seriously could not wipe the smile off my face today. And the whole day was so great too!

Hopefully this podcast will embed, but if it doesn't you should be able to click the link below.


If all else fails, go to CBC's Cross Country Check-up and listen to the podcast on there, it's the one titled: "Does online dating make it easier to find someone compatible?"

Here's the podcast link, I come on about 14 and a half minutes in, after the initial interview is finished with Mirena. Go ahead! Have a listen. It's worth it!

Thanks Cross Country Checkup! That was SO MUCH FUN!

Jules :Oawesomesauce)