Thursday, May 31, 2007

you?!

Okay, who's the Mister or Missus Funnypants who knows my mailing address and has signed me up for mailings from the World's Foremost Outfitter: Cabela's... Hunting, Fishing and Outdoor Gear?

LOL! It came in the mail yesterday. And I sure as heck didn't order it!

Jules :O?

Monday, May 28, 2007

byeee!

Goin' out of town for a couple of days. I'll be back Wednesday night. See you all then! Try not to let your worlds crumble at the thought of me being gone. I know it will be hard, but at the end of the day, I know you'll survive! ;OP

Jules :Oj

minus that and them some

Today is a very negative energy day for me. I think it would have been better if I just never woke up and slept through till tomorrow. Honestly. It's that bad.

But I do have one quick question. What happens when a horse (or like creature) gets an ith on their eyelid? Surely their tongues aren't long enough to lick the itch away, nor do they have hands and fingers to scratch it away. And since we're talking about it, what about any itch anywhere that isn't accessible? What if they get a mosquito bite on their asshole?

These are the thoughts I think about on days like today.

Jules :Oblech

Saturday, May 26, 2007

innocence gone...

What happens when an innocent trip to go get dirt turns horribly wrong? Here's my story.

My sis and I pulled up to the Canadian Tire Garden Centre parking lot and a song I love came on the radio (What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts), so I parked the car and turned the volume up loud. I'm sure I was one of this people whos bass thumps so hard you could feel it in the car next to me. I secretely love those people. Anyway, windows were rolled partly down because it's hot today and a man in his mid 50's I'd say approaches my car window and hands me this thing. I thought he was some kind of religious preacher handing me some pamphlet about his God. I took it and smiled briefly and then Shell said to me: No, he wants money. With that, I glanced down at the thing in my hand and it was a cheesy crappy keychain attathced to a computer generated card that read: I am deaf and need to sell these in order to make a living. Will you buy one for just $3.00? I immediately smelled the fishiness of it all and recognized him as a mere panhandler and as I went to return the object into his hand, his fingers molested my arm and wrist as he cupped the item before I could pull away.

ACK!!!! OMG, OMG, OMG!!! SOME STRANGER JUST MOLESTED MY ARM!!!!! I couldn't help it. I rolled up the window, let out a SHRIEK and just started rubbing the cooties off my wrist, exclaiming "I NEED A BABY WIPE, RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!" Well, Shell's cracking up so hard she's almost peeing herself and I'm trying to get the cooties off before they give me the black plague or something, feverishly rubbing my wrist raw. Finally I collected myself and as I looked around for my dirt, we made fun of the episode a bit. But it didn't really hit me till we were back in the car and I just absolutely BURST out laughing and laughed ALL the way home. It was hilarious.

S'cuse me while I go scrub my arm now.

Jules :Oblech!!!

my bag

These are the contents of the inside of my purse.... the main compartment only. Why? Because I felt like sharing!! 10 points to anyone who can name all of what's there!

Jules :OP


Thursday, May 24, 2007

PG... and then R!!!!!

Does anyone else love So You Think You Can Dance?? I realize that Nigel, the British judge might appear to be a bit ornery, but he's just passionate about dancing and making sure only the best of the best dancers get picked to be on the show. I don't think he's any worse than Simon Cowell.

Anyway... today's show made me laugh my ass off. Especially the auditioner named "Sex". If you saw the show, you'll know what I'm talking about. And in one of his special moves, I almost got to see crotch! LMAO!!!


Jules 8Oj

unbelievable?

Today: The power was out for 3 hours at my house, and by the sounds of it we were lucky. Other houses had no electricity almost all night. About a foot of snow fell. Many trees suffered with broken branches (luckily, not my new tree). It was slushy and wet, wet, wet. tomorrow's supposed to be hot and sunny. Don'cha just love Alberta weather??
Jules :O/

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

take a peek inside

Okay, so I managed to remember a few of them. Them meaning my random thoughts. Here:

Grass is really incredible. It lives a long gracious summer and dies every fall only to return again in the spring... rejuvenated, new and fresh. Now, I realize all plants do this, but grass moreso. The proof is in all the dead stuff you rake up in the spring. How many lives DOES grass have, anyway?

Perhaps I've said this before, but I HATE long toenails. Seriously people, grab a pair of clippers. Men are especially bad for this. I could write an entire post about toenails, and maybe I will someday.

Are you one of those people who try to be cool, but in that uncool geeky way? I find that alot of people I know who are 52 years and up do this. Okay, it might mainly be my much loved, yet geeky mom. Bless her heart.

I'm in the market for another pair of flops, but I'm looking for some with arch support. Anyone got any suggestions?

Crossword scratch tickets are my favorite ones, by far.

Every since I've known my right knee, I've known it to have a birthmark on it, although my mom says it wasn't there from birth. But yet, it's there and it never goes away like a bruise would.

Something went wrong when we were created as a species. Terribly horribly wrong.... with women having to endure mensies. Period.

Jules :Ogrrr.

?!?

I guess it's time for a few random thoughts again.

And when I think of them, I'll let you know.


[PAUSE]


[PAUSE]


Well shit. I totally thought I had thoughts in my head today! Try back again later. Perhaps they'll have come to be by then.

Jules :Owtf?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

quick!!!

It's my goal to be in bed by 11pm tonight. It's 10:45 and I still have to shower. Think I'll make it?

Jules :Oj

Monday, May 21, 2007

wet toes and urges

If you know me well enough by now, you'll know that I sometimes have very hard to control urges. I would say uncomtrollable urges, but the truth is that if I try very hard, I can set them aside and move on with my day. Sometimes, I have urges that make me want to say nice beautiful things to complete strangers. Sometimes I have urges to jump in mud puddles... whatever the urges are, they're harmless to others. Mostly, they are things that will fullfill something inside my own being once carried out.

Today I was faced with an urge so strong it literally took every bone in my body not to do it.. completely. I was with my mom in her newish SUV and we were parked outside the Wine store (she makes her own wine). It wasn't till after we had parked the car and she had run inside that I noticed it. The sound washed over me and I was completely captivated by it. The building we were parked in front of is under renovation and there were two garden hoses sticking over the edge of the roofline draining water from the massive amount of rain we had this weekend. The hoses passed a stream of water each that was as full as a garden hose could be and they were at least 20 feet up. It was slightly windy today and as the tiny dual waterfalls cascaded to the ground, they're streams danced merrily in the wind, landing at random on the ground. A ballet of duelling waterfalls. If I closed my eyes, I could picture being in the mountains, stumbling upon a little creek with a gentle flowing waterfall.

The urge: I NEEDED to go stand beneath them and let them wash over me. I HAD to let the water splash onto my head and run down my face. I could see myself standing there, dancing with the water. It was beautiful. How do you control an urge with such magnificent draw and connection to the earth? If I'd have been in my own vehicle, I'd have been wet within seconds. I would have. But I was with my mom in her leather interior new car and thought I should avoid the backlash of getting it dirty. So instead of realising my desire to become one with the cold refreshing water, I just walked up to it, kicked off my right croc-a-like, and stuck my foot underneath the left waterfall, letting it completely envelope my foot, getting my pant leg wet and allowing myself to be close enough (even if it were just for a tiny moment) to satisfy my urge... even just that little bit. It made me feel calm and yummy.

And I'd do it again, despite the strange looks.

Jules :Owettoes!

Friday, May 18, 2007

experiment time

Okay, I wasn't gonna blog about this, because you probably won't believe I did it, but I did!

Today I did another one of my social experiments. I went to the mall for lunch with my mom and the boys and I purposely had my faulty zipper pants on with the zipper down! As I walked around the mall, I thought for sure someone would point it out to me, but not a single soul told me to zip up!!!

Oh sure, I got about 10 strange looks (HA! Proof that there ARE fellow crotch watchers out there!), but no-one motioned for me to do it up, or laughed and pointed at me, or whispered in my ear that I was hanging out in the open. Honestly, I was a little bit disappointed!

Then I got home, and forgot that it was left undone until I was about to go have a nap but had to wee first. I looked down and was more embarrassed that I'd forgotten to do it up after I got home than the whole time I spent out!

Jules :Ob

It's all downhill from here!

Guess what? I'm 300 posts old.

Here's what my horoscope says to mark the occasion today:
Cancer
June 21 - July 21
The great meditation period that started for you a few weeks ago is now finished, dear Cancer. This means that you are going to have to get back into the real world again! You are going to have to test out how the "new and improved" you operates in everyday life. You can expect some real changes!
Funny... I didn't know that this undeniable haze I've been walking around in was called meditation! Yeah, I was pretty sure it was just a sleep deprived, med induced coma. Phewph! What a relief THAT is! What do you think the new and improved me will be like?

If anyone wants to join me for cake and ice cream give me a dingle (not to be mistaken for tinkle... I don't wanna be sent any tiny canisters of pee).

Love Jules ((HUGS))

Thursday, May 17, 2007

hold on to your seat!

I've been tagged by Alex and Silly Billy. I'm s'posed to write 10 interesting things about me. Ugh. This will be so hard, since I just finished writing 100 things for SSD, and I don't wanna use any of those because then when he gets them he'll be all like: "Yeah, I already knew that!". So wish me good luck... strap on your goggles, cuz here we gooooo!

  1. I eat Cheerios almost every morning. When I eat cereal, I have to have extra milk. the cereal HAS to have just the right amount of milk with it as it enters my mouth to make it satisfying. Also, I love to play with my cheerios when I get down tot he last layer of them and as they swirl around and make images in the leftover milk.
  2. I often suffer from sore knees or a sore back. My Daddy once said that there's always pain in your body... it's just a matter of where it wants to present itself on any given day. I've come to believe this. My back hurts right now.
  3. I've always thought that if all the numbers on a clock are the same in the instance you check the time, ie. 4:44 or 11:11, that someone's thinking about you.
  4. I was also told once that if you have a volume control that displays the volume in numbers, never to leave it on an odd number - it's bad luck. Also, I was told once that when putting a pair of something on, such as shoes, always to put the left foot in first or else it's bad luck.
  5. Speaking of bad luck, I'm not a superstitious person. Although I do get a bit of an icky feeling if I ever walk under a ladder.
  6. I've been asked the question before... what is my favorite smell. I believe that tonight's amazing thunderstorm has finally made it clear in my head. It's the smell of rain, or rain that's on it's way, or just after the rain falls. Rain is the ultimate clean and fresh smell and I just can't get enough of it!
  7. Sometimes at night, when I'm watching tv all alone, I play with my hair. And right now it has so much product in it, that I can make little spikes all over my head. Somehow, when I get up to look in the mirror because I think I'll be completely amuzed by my new look, I'm always left feeling disappointed. It always FEELS like it should look funnier, you know?
  8. As hard as I try, I can't get myself to drink the 8 glasses of water that I should. Actually, I just watched Dr. Oz on Oprah the other day and he says that the 8 glasses is a myth. As long as your pee is clear enough to read through you're okay. So I wrote on a piece of paper and peed on it today. Yeah, I need to drink more water. I'll try the pee-on-paper test again in a week and see if I've improved.
  9. I can't stand whiteheads. On myself, on other people... I hate how they look and I have to pop them. I've popped whiteheads on other people before, at their request (however, those people shall remain annonymous). But let it be said that they were thankful and I was relieved that I didn't have to look at them anymore.
  10. I'm not all that caught up on current events, like I know I should be. That's what I have blogs like RT's... to keep me up to date on things. Well, at least things that are important to him!

And them there's my 10! Were they even slightly interesting?

Jules :Oj

P.S. This is for Grunty: Tonight I'll have dreams about Vegas and The famous Julatty Ticklers! I can't wait!! :OD

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

effing mo effer

Well, it's conclusive. The meds that the doctor told me to take for 5 consecutive days have overloaded my system and now I have a mild, yet still very irritating, case of hives. My face won't stop itching and my chest has some tiny red bumps. I won't be seen in any photos anytime soon. What's worst is that I stopped taking the med and now I don't know if it's gonna be effective. Crap.

On a different note, I am flirting with the idea of highlights again. So maybe if I do that and the redness goes down in my face and neck, I'll take a photo and post it. We'll see.

Right now, it's off to watch Idol and scratch my face off.

Jules :O(

Sunday, May 13, 2007

commando

Lesson I learned today:
If you're going to choose to go commando, be sure not to do it wearing a pair of jeans that has a faulty zipper which comes open all the time. And don't do it around family. where faulty zippers are present. And if you're gonna take the chance, make sure you have a sister who looks at your crotch so she can let you know before the whole family sees your pubes. Thanks sis!

Jules :Oj

Saturday, May 12, 2007

HMD

If you're a mommy... you remember how your child's whole hand wrapped around just your finger. You never forget that. Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's out there who read my blog!

Love Jules

I'm so dirty!

NOW I feel human! Seriously, I was starting to have the beginning signs of insanity because I have no effing yard to work in here yet. So today, we were at Home Depot buying tiles for the bathroom downstairs (add to the list learning how to tile - check!) and I couldn't resist going into the garden centre. Everyone who knows me well knows that I would spend all day garden center hopping if I could in the summer time. So seeing all the flowres, trees, shrubs, potted plants, etc. really rung my bell, so to speak. I ended up buying just enough for my deck rail planter and guess what I did as soon as Nate went down for his nap today? Yup! Lookit my dirty hands! I love being dirty! In the planter is Osteospermum, Trailing Lobelia and Trailing Bocopa. My three favorite summer flowers! (I also love tulips soooo much, but they're just for spring).

After planting my flowers and mudding the shower surround, I put some blankets into my son's wagon and laid on my front porch in the wagon while I chatted with Sin for over an hour. It's soo great to actually talk to my blogger friends... makes them more real, and I love that!! I'm sure I totally looked like white trash, and it made me realize that I need to invest in some patio furniture right away!!

Today was a GREAT day!

Jules :OD

Friday, May 11, 2007

h-u-g

I just felt the need to clarify something with you this afternoon. See, when I leave comments on your blogs, or even when I do it in emails, and I say things like (squishy hugs), I really mean for a hug to happen! I do! So for pete's sake, if I tell you something like that, take a momentary pause from your keyborads and wrap your arms around yourselves and TAKE MY HUG! Hug yourself! I don't care for how long... some of you may feel like you can only do it for a brief second as you dart your eyes around the office in hopes you aren't caught hugging yourself. Others of you may just stay wrapped up in your arms for minutes, because you love hugs. Whatever the duration... do it! I don't just give hugs out for no good reason, people! Those are sincere!

Okay, now lets practice. Everybody: (((GROUP HUG))) *pause for hugging* Now you may all go about your business.

Jules :Oj--U--<

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I am superwoman

Wow. I just had a conversation with the teacher aide who took over my music/health classes at the school I used to work at, and it was a really great conversation. Why? Because!!! I really know my shit when it comes to the work I did and how to related it to the students I worked with... and being looked upon for advice was a really great feeling! I felt like it reaffirmed why I continued to work there all that time. It made me feel important... like she looked up to the way I taught and she needed to know my processes in order to get through to the kids. I'm telling ya... I had alot of great ways of doing that! I am smart!! And today, I am super woman. And it feels fabulous!

Since I'm on the super woman topic, I thought I'd compile a list of all the handy things I know how to do, so I can continue to wow you (because almost all of you weren't around when we were finishing our basement in the old house to read the blog entries I did there). I'm proud of myself for not being afraid of learning how to do jobs that are stereotypically man jobs. I like being treated equal and with respect. So - I've learned to do the following:
  • paint/stain and poly
  • drywall
  • operate a drill
  • hang a screen door
  • install an inside door/frame
  • use a tape measure accurately
  • use a miter saw
  • use a skill saw
  • use a hand saw
  • hang lattice
  • build a pergola from scratch
  • mix cement
  • use a level
  • landscape from ground zero to a beautiful yard
  • look good in a toolbelt
  • install a brick patio
  • build a deck
  • hammer nails
  • install a subfloor
  • lay lino
  • install a toilet (major plumbing excluded)

Perhaps that's it. I'm going to be learning how to tile right away also. That's all I can think of right now. All of that PLUS I can clean and cook (although I don't love to cook) too! Whad'ya think of me now?

Jules :OD

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I have no title for this blog entry.

I always wondered, as I was having to learn these things in elementary English class, why would I want to spell the whole word out if there's such a thing as abbreviations? Who in their right mind would take the time and diligence of writing whole words out. They teach you things like: Mr., Dr., can't, pm and am, etc.

Well I'm gonna tell you something. I've grown up! Yup, Jules is all growed up. Well, just in the way of understanding that sometimes I just want to actually spell the whole word. Abbreviations can kiss my little round ass! Sometimes I just wanna spell out mister. Is that okay with you? And I treasure the times that I actually get to spell the word o'clock!! (I think I just like the fact that I can use an apostrophe without it being a contraction or an abbreviation).

Come join me in my non abbreviated world, just for a few minutes. We can make it a party! I'll bring the Tostidos!

Jules :Oj

opinions matter!

It is hard to smile ... but it sounds like you all wanted to see the haircut. So here it is. What do you think?

Too short?
Should'a got more cut off?
Hate it?
Love it?
Couldn't care less?
Needs highlights too?
What haircut?!

Your opinion matters! Oh, and take note! I'm wearing a tank top! It's 24C here today!

Jules :Oj

Tears for a dear friend

How can a person believe in a higher being when a little girl passes away. What purpose does that serve? My heart goes out to SSD today, every little bit of it. I'm deeply sorry to hear about Z. Do her a favor, blow her a kiss when you step outside each day... because... she's still around.

Love Jules

Monday, May 07, 2007

snip snip

I braved the hairdresser once again today. I wanted her to leave it longer in the front... but she got a little bit scissor happy. It's alright though, because hair grows back. I never like the way hairdressers style the hair once it's cut. She made me look totally icky. But I tweaked it once I got home, as I usually do, and even with all the massive amount of gooey product she put in it (which by the way I feel is slowly seeping into my brain), I was still able to make it look decent. So, after a shower and given the ability to style it my own way, I'm pretty sure it will look okay, if not good. But if not, you'll all just have to understand if I shy away from being in pictures for the next month. (I say as if I'm a total camera happy self portrait photographer). Okay, actually I am. I take an abundance of photos of myself, so I can see what the world sees when they look at me. Sometimes I like them... other times I'm grateful for the delete button.

How the hell did I get talking about pictures of me? I thought this was a hair post.....

Jules Q:Oj

Saturday, May 05, 2007

seven, 7 and seven again

So I was tagged by Eb at Wilko News and I think I can do this one... at least I'll give it a try, except I'm not gonna tag 7 more people. As usual, if you like the meme, you can do it on your blog.

7 habits, 7 tunes and 7 more peeps to tag.

Here goes!

7 Habits

  • I need to have a blanket. If I'm sitting on the couch, I'm under a blanket. At my desk, blanket. In bed, extra blankets. I love blankets. So using blankets has become habitual.
  • Taking an afternoon nap, there's something so yummy about napping in the afternoon.
  • Speaking freely. You all already know that about me! Any topic, anytime. That's me!
  • Hugging people. Even if it's the first tiime we've met, chances are pretty good that you're gonna get a hug from me. I love hugging. I'm a hugger, not a hand shaker or a mere hello-er.
  • I bite the skin around my fingernails. I don't chew my fingernails... but sometimes if I get a hang nail or something, I'll chew that off.
  • Sitting with my legs up or crossed. Even in restaurants, if the seating allows for it. It's probably the reason I have sore, crunchy knees.
  • Crotch watching. Again, you all knew this about me, but dammit! This is harder than I thought it would be!

7 Songs

  • My Wish - Rascall Flatts
  • Trois Navires de BlĂ© - Great Big Sea
  • Dangerous - Yin Yang Twins
  • Sexy Back - Justin Timberlake
  • Beat The Drum - Great Big Sea
  • Pump It - Black Eyed Peas
  • Jesus Take The Wheel - Carrie Underwood

There's seven just off the top of my head or most recent favorites. Except for Trois Navires. I've loved that one from the first moment I heard it. If anyone can translate French to English, let me know what the lyrics say. I could look them up online, but why. It's so beautiful just like it is.

This was harder than I thought. What was hard was trying to think of 7 habits that I haven't already shared with you guys over the past (almost) year!! If this looks like something you wanna do, go for it - just let me know so I can come read it!

Jules :Oj

is there such thing as sleep typing?

I'm too tired, and sore, and limp to write much tonight. I helped drywall at my sister's house for 9 1/2 hours today. I can't even squeeze my right hand closed (that was my drill hand), or lift my right arm... many times near the end I felt a surge of numbness fire through my forearm. My whole body aches from going up and down the ladders a bazillion times, lifting drywall, screwing, pressing and pushing - I feel like I did ten million squats and I'm sure I won't be able to walk tomorrow.

Gawd. Suddenly I feel like such a whiner.

Love me more tonight. I need the extra boost from all of you friends.

Jules :Os

Thursday, May 03, 2007

wrap my arms around what?

Do you ever not know what to do with your arms? Sometimes I just don't know where to put mine. Take tonight, for example. I was all curled up in an oversized comfy chair with a blanket and my head was resting on the arm rest and I just had nowhere to put my arms. Back behind my head - no good. Tucked under the blanket - no good. Flung over the armrest - no good. It's often the same thing when I'm sleeping. Do I put my arms under the pillow, under my hubby's pillow, beside me, hang them over the edge of the bed, underneath me? What's the best place?

I clearly remember thinking, as a child, how nice it would be to have arms that you could just simply detach from your torso at night time and then reattach them in the morning when you woke up. I never stopped to think that you wouldn't be able to reattach them if you didn't have at least one arm still on to actually accomplish that job. Unless you could just slide back onto the arm and it would just stick.

Anyway... the point is that sometimes I just don't know what to do with my arms. Do you?

Jules :Oy

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

a moment of contemplation

Are Carmen Sandiego and Waldo off hiding out somewhere together? Do they think that if they hide together it will make them more incognito? Because it seems to me that Carmen with her magnifying glass and Waldo in his striped shirt would stand out in a crowd together no matter where they are. I'm confident that I'd be able to find them. Unless Waldo changed into a little striped speedo and they're scuba diving with the magnifying glass. Chances are I wouldn't be able to see them then. But I'd be watching for them when they came out of the water. Do you think that when Waldo does come out of the water, he'd be all James-Bond-in-a-speedo-like? Glistening muscles, so much more buff than you ever pictured him to be? Well, we all know I'd be looking at his crotch. Do you think Waldo has a big package? Enough to make Carmen want to stick around? He must... that's why they're off hiding out together!

Jules :O)