Thursday, May 31, 2007
LOL! It came in the mail yesterday. And I sure as heck didn't order it!
Monday, May 28, 2007
But I do have one quick question. What happens when a horse (or like creature) gets an ith on their eyelid? Surely their tongues aren't long enough to lick the itch away, nor do they have hands and fingers to scratch it away. And since we're talking about it, what about any itch anywhere that isn't accessible? What if they get a mosquito bite on their asshole?
These are the thoughts I think about on days like today.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
My sis and I pulled up to the Canadian Tire Garden Centre parking lot and a song I love came on the radio (What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts), so I parked the car and turned the volume up loud. I'm sure I was one of this people whos bass thumps so hard you could feel it in the car next to me. I secretely love those people. Anyway, windows were rolled partly down because it's hot today and a man in his mid 50's I'd say approaches my car window and hands me this thing. I thought he was some kind of religious preacher handing me some pamphlet about his God. I took it and smiled briefly and then Shell said to me: No, he wants money. With that, I glanced down at the thing in my hand and it was a cheesy crappy keychain attathced to a computer generated card that read: I am deaf and need to sell these in order to make a living. Will you buy one for just $3.00? I immediately smelled the fishiness of it all and recognized him as a mere panhandler and as I went to return the object into his hand, his fingers molested my arm and wrist as he cupped the item before I could pull away.
ACK!!!! OMG, OMG, OMG!!! SOME STRANGER JUST MOLESTED MY ARM!!!!! I couldn't help it. I rolled up the window, let out a SHRIEK and just started rubbing the cooties off my wrist, exclaiming "I NEED A BABY WIPE, RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!" Well, Shell's cracking up so hard she's almost peeing herself and I'm trying to get the cooties off before they give me the black plague or something, feverishly rubbing my wrist raw. Finally I collected myself and as I looked around for my dirt, we made fun of the episode a bit. But it didn't really hit me till we were back in the car and I just absolutely BURST out laughing and laughed ALL the way home. It was hilarious.
S'cuse me while I go scrub my arm now.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Grass is really incredible. It lives a long gracious summer and dies every fall only to return again in the spring... rejuvenated, new and fresh. Now, I realize all plants do this, but grass moreso. The proof is in all the dead stuff you rake up in the spring. How many lives DOES grass have, anyway?
Perhaps I've said this before, but I HATE long toenails. Seriously people, grab a pair of clippers. Men are especially bad for this. I could write an entire post about toenails, and maybe I will someday.
Are you one of those people who try to be cool, but in that uncool geeky way? I find that alot of people I know who are 52 years and up do this. Okay, it might mainly be my much loved, yet geeky mom. Bless her heart.
I'm in the market for another pair of flops, but I'm looking for some with arch support. Anyone got any suggestions?
Crossword scratch tickets are my favorite ones, by far.
Every since I've known my right knee, I've known it to have a birthmark on it, although my mom says it wasn't there from birth. But yet, it's there and it never goes away like a bruise would.
Something went wrong when we were created as a species. Terribly horribly wrong.... with women having to endure mensies. Period.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Today I was faced with an urge so strong it literally took every bone in my body not to do it.. completely. I was with my mom in her newish SUV and we were parked outside the Wine store (she makes her own wine). It wasn't till after we had parked the car and she had run inside that I noticed it. The sound washed over me and I was completely captivated by it. The building we were parked in front of is under renovation and there were two garden hoses sticking over the edge of the roofline draining water from the massive amount of rain we had this weekend. The hoses passed a stream of water each that was as full as a garden hose could be and they were at least 20 feet up. It was slightly windy today and as the tiny dual waterfalls cascaded to the ground, they're streams danced merrily in the wind, landing at random on the ground. A ballet of duelling waterfalls. If I closed my eyes, I could picture being in the mountains, stumbling upon a little creek with a gentle flowing waterfall.
The urge: I NEEDED to go stand beneath them and let them wash over me. I HAD to let the water splash onto my head and run down my face. I could see myself standing there, dancing with the water. It was beautiful. How do you control an urge with such magnificent draw and connection to the earth? If I'd have been in my own vehicle, I'd have been wet within seconds. I would have. But I was with my mom in her leather interior new car and thought I should avoid the backlash of getting it dirty. So instead of realising my desire to become one with the cold refreshing water, I just walked up to it, kicked off my right croc-a-like, and stuck my foot underneath the left waterfall, letting it completely envelope my foot, getting my pant leg wet and allowing myself to be close enough (even if it were just for a tiny moment) to satisfy my urge... even just that little bit. It made me feel calm and yummy.
And I'd do it again, despite the strange looks.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Today I did another one of my social experiments. I went to the mall for lunch with my mom and the boys and I purposely had my faulty zipper pants on with the zipper down! As I walked around the mall, I thought for sure someone would point it out to me, but not a single soul told me to zip up!!!
Oh sure, I got about 10 strange looks (HA! Proof that there ARE fellow crotch watchers out there!), but no-one motioned for me to do it up, or laughed and pointed at me, or whispered in my ear that I was hanging out in the open. Honestly, I was a little bit disappointed!
Then I got home, and forgot that it was left undone until I was about to go have a nap but had to wee first. I looked down and was more embarrassed that I'd forgotten to do it up after I got home than the whole time I spent out!
Here's what my horoscope says to mark the occasion today:
CancerFunny... I didn't know that this undeniable haze I've been walking around in was called meditation! Yeah, I was pretty sure it was just a sleep deprived, med induced coma. Phewph! What a relief THAT is! What do you think the new and improved me will be like?
June 21 - July 21
The great meditation period that started for you a few weeks ago is now finished, dear Cancer. This means that you are going to have to get back into the real world again! You are going to have to test out how the "new and improved" you operates in everyday life. You can expect some real changes!
If anyone wants to join me for cake and ice cream give me a dingle (not to be mistaken for tinkle... I don't wanna be sent any tiny canisters of pee).
Love Jules ((HUGS))
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I've been tagged by Alex and Silly Billy. I'm s'posed to write 10 interesting things about me. Ugh. This will be so hard, since I just finished writing 100 things for SSD, and I don't wanna use any of those because then when he gets them he'll be all like: "Yeah, I already knew that!". So wish me good luck... strap on your goggles, cuz here we gooooo!
- I eat Cheerios almost every morning. When I eat cereal, I have to have extra milk. the cereal HAS to have just the right amount of milk with it as it enters my mouth to make it satisfying. Also, I love to play with my cheerios when I get down tot he last layer of them and as they swirl around and make images in the leftover milk.
- I often suffer from sore knees or a sore back. My Daddy once said that there's always pain in your body... it's just a matter of where it wants to present itself on any given day. I've come to believe this. My back hurts right now.
- I've always thought that if all the numbers on a clock are the same in the instance you check the time, ie. 4:44 or 11:11, that someone's thinking about you.
- I was also told once that if you have a volume control that displays the volume in numbers, never to leave it on an odd number - it's bad luck. Also, I was told once that when putting a pair of something on, such as shoes, always to put the left foot in first or else it's bad luck.
- Speaking of bad luck, I'm not a superstitious person. Although I do get a bit of an icky feeling if I ever walk under a ladder.
- I've been asked the question before... what is my favorite smell. I believe that tonight's amazing thunderstorm has finally made it clear in my head. It's the smell of rain, or rain that's on it's way, or just after the rain falls. Rain is the ultimate clean and fresh smell and I just can't get enough of it!
- Sometimes at night, when I'm watching tv all alone, I play with my hair. And right now it has so much product in it, that I can make little spikes all over my head. Somehow, when I get up to look in the mirror because I think I'll be completely amuzed by my new look, I'm always left feeling disappointed. It always FEELS like it should look funnier, you know?
- As hard as I try, I can't get myself to drink the 8 glasses of water that I should. Actually, I just watched Dr. Oz on Oprah the other day and he says that the 8 glasses is a myth. As long as your pee is clear enough to read through you're okay. So I wrote on a piece of paper and peed on it today. Yeah, I need to drink more water. I'll try the pee-on-paper test again in a week and see if I've improved.
- I can't stand whiteheads. On myself, on other people... I hate how they look and I have to pop them. I've popped whiteheads on other people before, at their request (however, those people shall remain annonymous). But let it be said that they were thankful and I was relieved that I didn't have to look at them anymore.
- I'm not all that caught up on current events, like I know I should be. That's what I have blogs like RT's... to keep me up to date on things. Well, at least things that are important to him!
And them there's my 10! Were they even slightly interesting?
P.S. This is for Grunty: Tonight I'll have dreams about Vegas and The famous Julatty Ticklers! I can't wait!! :OD
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
On a different note, I am flirting with the idea of highlights again. So maybe if I do that and the redness goes down in my face and neck, I'll take a photo and post it. We'll see.
Right now, it's off to watch Idol and scratch my face off.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
If you're going to choose to go commando, be sure not to do it wearing a pair of jeans that has a faulty zipper which comes open all the time. And don't do it around family. where faulty zippers are present. And if you're gonna take the chance, make sure you have a sister who looks at your crotch so she can let you know before the whole family sees your pubes. Thanks sis!
Saturday, May 12, 2007
After planting my flowers and mudding the shower surround, I put some blankets into my son's wagon and laid on my front porch in the wagon while I chatted with Sin for over an hour. It's soo great to actually talk to my blogger friends... makes them more real, and I love that!! I'm sure I totally looked like white trash, and it made me realize that I need to invest in some patio furniture right away!!
Today was a GREAT day!
Friday, May 11, 2007
Okay, now lets practice. Everybody: (((GROUP HUG))) *pause for hugging* Now you may all go about your business.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Since I'm on the super woman topic, I thought I'd compile a list of all the handy things I know how to do, so I can continue to wow you (because almost all of you weren't around when we were finishing our basement in the old house to read the blog entries I did there). I'm proud of myself for not being afraid of learning how to do jobs that are stereotypically man jobs. I like being treated equal and with respect. So - I've learned to do the following:
- paint/stain and poly
- operate a drill
- hang a screen door
- install an inside door/frame
- use a tape measure accurately
- use a miter saw
- use a skill saw
- use a hand saw
- hang lattice
- build a pergola from scratch
- mix cement
- use a level
- landscape from ground zero to a beautiful yard
- look good in a toolbelt
- install a brick patio
- build a deck
- hammer nails
- install a subfloor
- lay lino
- install a toilet (major plumbing excluded)
Perhaps that's it. I'm going to be learning how to tile right away also. That's all I can think of right now. All of that PLUS I can clean and cook (although I don't love to cook) too! Whad'ya think of me now?
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Well I'm gonna tell you something. I've grown up! Yup, Jules is all growed up. Well, just in the way of understanding that sometimes I just want to actually spell the whole word. Abbreviations can kiss my little round ass! Sometimes I just wanna spell out mister. Is that okay with you? And I treasure the times that I actually get to spell the word o'clock!! (I think I just like the fact that I can use an apostrophe without it being a contraction or an abbreviation).
Come join me in my non abbreviated world, just for a few minutes. We can make it a party! I'll bring the Tostidos!
Should'a got more cut off?
Couldn't care less?
Needs highlights too?
Your opinion matters! Oh, and take note! I'm wearing a tank top! It's 24C here today!
Monday, May 07, 2007
How the hell did I get talking about pictures of me? I thought this was a hair post.....
Saturday, May 05, 2007
7 habits, 7 tunes and 7 more peeps to tag.
- I need to have a blanket. If I'm sitting on the couch, I'm under a blanket. At my desk, blanket. In bed, extra blankets. I love blankets. So using blankets has become habitual.
- Taking an afternoon nap, there's something so yummy about napping in the afternoon.
- Speaking freely. You all already know that about me! Any topic, anytime. That's me!
- Hugging people. Even if it's the first tiime we've met, chances are pretty good that you're gonna get a hug from me. I love hugging. I'm a hugger, not a hand shaker or a mere hello-er.
- I bite the skin around my fingernails. I don't chew my fingernails... but sometimes if I get a hang nail or something, I'll chew that off.
- Sitting with my legs up or crossed. Even in restaurants, if the seating allows for it. It's probably the reason I have sore, crunchy knees.
- Crotch watching. Again, you all knew this about me, but dammit! This is harder than I thought it would be!
- My Wish - Rascall Flatts
- Trois Navires de Blé - Great Big Sea
- Dangerous - Yin Yang Twins
- Sexy Back - Justin Timberlake
- Beat The Drum - Great Big Sea
- Pump It - Black Eyed Peas
- Jesus Take The Wheel - Carrie Underwood
There's seven just off the top of my head or most recent favorites. Except for Trois Navires. I've loved that one from the first moment I heard it. If anyone can translate French to English, let me know what the lyrics say. I could look them up online, but why. It's so beautiful just like it is.
This was harder than I thought. What was hard was trying to think of 7 habits that I haven't already shared with you guys over the past (almost) year!! If this looks like something you wanna do, go for it - just let me know so I can come read it!
Gawd. Suddenly I feel like such a whiner.
Love me more tonight. I need the extra boost from all of you friends.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
I clearly remember thinking, as a child, how nice it would be to have arms that you could just simply detach from your torso at night time and then reattach them in the morning when you woke up. I never stopped to think that you wouldn't be able to reattach them if you didn't have at least one arm still on to actually accomplish that job. Unless you could just slide back onto the arm and it would just stick.
Anyway... the point is that sometimes I just don't know what to do with my arms. Do you?
Wednesday, May 02, 2007