Friday, June 29, 2007

today is hard... but I'm not about to complain.

Things don't get me down too much, but sometimes I can't help it. I can be a real regular pillar of strength for people when they need me. And so I am, today, and for as long as it takes. And that's a promise. I'll let out a few tears, but they won't know when....

I've found that over the course of this week, 4 of my friends have come down with some form of ailment that may or may not be life threatening... and I curse at the world for it being so vast that I can't be by each of their sides, physically there to offer my hand to hold, or my shoulder to cry on, or my ear to listen, or to make them a hot cup of chicken soup and tuck them under a blanket. Although things aren't as easy as a cup of chicken soup, are they?

I've been praying that each of my friends gets well. Sometimes my prayers are answered. I'm really really hoping that these will be those times.

Friends... I will reach into the depths of my being and summon all of my strength and support and courage for you to have as your own. Use it. Hold on to it when you're feeling shitty. Just wrap it around you like a blanket. Because that's what I'm here for. Please, please, please get better. Do whatever it takes. Please.

Love for all,
Jules ((((((HUGS))))))

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

where's the line?

I was just wondering something.

You know how sometimes you've run out of sugar and so you call up your neighbor and ask to borrow said cup of sugar?

Well... I was curious. What's the most you're allowed to borrow from your neighbor? Like, I need some perogies and sausage so that I can make up a quick supper for Nate before the movie tonight and am really pressed for time to run to the store before I have to leave. Can I call up my neighbor and ask her to lend me some? And while I'm at it, I need some Goldfish crackers too. I mean, she's asked me for celery once...

Too much? Where's the line?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

And guess what? I was given an award! Here it is!! Thanks Jules for thinking I'm super cool enough to get one!!

this is one of those waste of time filler posts... but help yourself!

I'm pretty sure I don't have anything to post about, except an apology of sorts.

I know I've been a bit scarce around this neck of the woods lately. Hubby being gone and me having to me mommy and daddy for the week has made for some long and tiring days. Exciting days filled with laughter and love, but tiring nonetheless. I give MASSIVE KUDOS to all the single parents out there who have to do this without respite daily. Nate's a fabulous babe who loves his mommy, but mommy would like a bit of a break.

And so, tonight I'm having Gramma babysit so I can go to a movie. I hope my asshole can make it through 2.5 hours of sitting on theatre seats. We're going to see the third Pirates movie. At World's End, I believe it's called. If anyone out there wants to see it, go tonight and then report back to me and let me know how you liked it! I know Sinclair's seen it already and gave it a good review. I'm excited to be able to go.

I've lingered on here long enough for today. I have to go pumice my feet and polish my toenails. It's been 2 weeks since I had color on them and they're feeling blah. If my feet aren't happy, I'm not happy.

(((SQUISH)))

Jules :Oj

Monday, June 25, 2007

my 8's!

Okay, friends! I was informally tagged by Pickles at Though Lovers Be Lost and then I was TARGETTED by SSD at Waiting For Life to do the 8 things about me meme. So here you go!

I hate those bottom of the cereal box crumbs when you pour yourself the last bowl and they fall in and contaminate your clean fresh ice cold milk. It's almost enough to just ruin the whole bowl for me!

I love receiving snail mail. It's not very often that I get anything in the mail besides good ol' bills, but when I do, it totally makes my week!!!

I love sweet smelling things, and dislike musky smelling things. Incense, cologne, perfume, air freshener... I'll go for the sweet or citrus smelling stuff anytime! I used to keep a sachet of mulberry in my underwear drawer. Mmmmm... sweet smelling panties, does it get any better than that?

I am the family hairdresser, manicurist and pedicurist. I've done it for probably the last 6 years. I could do without the hair cutting thing, but I get paid from one of my subject... err, I mean customers, so I keep doing it. The manies and pedies I like to do. I thought a few years ago about become an esthetist. But for some reason, I can't see myself waxing a woman's you know where, so I didn't pursue it.

When I was a kid, I would eat grass. I ate that long tall stuff with the seeds on top, and I ate clover flowers, and I would pick baby grass and eat the white part closest to the ground. It's sweet tasting. Is that what sweet grass is???

Since my surgery, I have 2 to 3 bowel movements per day and frankly, I've never felt better inside. Have you eaten your FIBER yet?? I've also come to terms with drinking more water, because fiber doesn't do you any good without water.

----- HOLY FUCKING SHIT! *ducks for cover* THAT was a MASSIVE crack of thunder. My heart just stopped and restarted. On with the meme! ------

I LOVE to sleep. I would sleep probably 18 hours a day if I could get away with it. I love it so much because I have the best wacky dreams ever. I think I get that from my Dad. Very vivid, vibrant, energetic, sexy, interesting, exciting, stupid, nonsense dreams (any or all of the above). I really miss sleep, since having a child.

As much as I like to garden and be out and active with my family doing and experiencing things new and old, I also love to just cuddle up under a blanket on the couch and watch movies or tv. There's a time and a place to be active and social, and then there's a time and a place to veg.

Jules :Oy

as promised

Okay! Here's the photos I said I'd post yesterday. In the large flowerbed is a blue star juniper, daylily, iris, barberry shrub, toba hawthorn tree, and little miss kim lilac (dwarf variety). There's also a bunch of annuals that haven't really taken off yet, as they were just planted.

The picture of my shaved pussy. The second one wasn't really a good photo... she's not giving me the evil eye, she's just squinting because of the flash. We made up last night and are even better friends today!

The inukshuk is a welcome one... it's purpose to welcome people into our yard and to direct them to our front door.

And lastly: the fishbowl. It's rather large and I've always wanted it. I saw a show on HGTV one time where some decorators put some rock in the bottom and bend and intertwined calla lilies inside and it looked like a big ball of calas. It was beautiful. I, however, can't seem to make that happen. So I'm open for suggestions. I was thinking of actually buying a single solitary fish. Something for Nate to look at. What other ideas do you have that I can put inside and use as a table centerpiece?

It's storming here... again. Time to log off!

Jules :Oj

Sunday, June 24, 2007

family time

I'm Bach'in (however the hell you spell that) it for the next few days. Sigh. This weekend was filled with stuff with the family and it was so nice to devote that time to my two favorite guys. Now, now... don't get jealous.

Anyway... I'm pooped. I'd like to write something charming and witty and enlightening, but I'm just too tired. I managed to catch myself up in blogland for the most part tonight and answer back a few emails, but it's left me with nada, zippo, zilch, nothing for a post. So perhaps tomorrow will lead to something exciting.

Oh, I know. I shaved my pussy tonight. She didn't like it one bit and when it was over there was a whole grocery bag full of hair to clean up! I'll take a photo of her and post tomorrow. Also, I did a flower bed yesterday with hubby while Nate was napping. I'll take a photo of that and post it for you to see. I still have two more beds to make before the front yard is done. And I know, SSD... I have that meme you tagged me with still to do. I'll try and get to that tomorrow too. :O)

Hugs!
Jules :Oj

Saturday, June 23, 2007

mega yawn

Ever have one of those sleeps where you woke up more tired than when you went be bed because you were dreaming of things that kept you running or on your toes... high energy dreams that if done in reality would almost kill you from the activity level?

Yeah. That was me last night.

Pitty too... because today's the big yard work day and I need to have enough energy for it. Good thing my sister bought me a bottle of Coke for my birthday!

HEY! If anyone out there ever comes across Coca-Cola keychains... can you get me one????? It doesn't have to have the name of your city on it, because I know that would be nearly impossible... but I'd LOVE to have a Coke Keychain. I'll even remiburse you for it!!

Mkay. Off to munch on some fiber and get on with my day.

Jules (how do you do a sleepy face?)

Friday, June 22, 2007

half gone and not any worse for wear!

My birthday morning was good! Nate and I hung out. I went to HomeSense to pick up a large fishbowl centerpiece that I'm planning to use on my kitchen table somehow, and then I went to Michael's to find something to fill the bowl with (but I wasn't inspired, so that was a waste of 45 minutes) and then I treated us to lunch at Tim Horton's (yummmalicious). I tried their new Mint Chocolate Iced Capp Supreme too. The first half was Meh. The second half where the whipped cream and flavor shot was tastable was super good. Mmmmm. Then I came home, chilled in the yard a bit, chilled on the puter a bit and caught up on some emails. A storm passed over and I watched the little balls of hail dance freely around my new sod. Actually, it was very pretty to see the little bouncy ballet they put on.
___________________________________________________

Quickly, here's the conversation that the cashier from HomeSense tried to have with me which just resulted in me looking at her in a WTF puzzled kind of way:

Her: Cute boy you've got there.
Me: Thanks, yeah... he is!! :O)
Her: I've wrapped it up, but I don't think you'll want to carry it by the handles. I wouldn't trust the bag. (The bowl's quite heavy)
Me: Ok, thanks! (This is where it turns strange)
Her: Don'cha think you could ever cross the road? (looks at me with wide inquisitive eyes)
Me: *raised eyebrow, starring in utter confusion with my mouth a little open and head cocked to the side*
Her: You could teach the gophers how to do it. (matter of factly and waiting for my response)
Me: *lost for words, I take my stuff and high tail it outta there before laughing my ass off*
___________________________________________________

To make my day even that much better, I heard from family members and 3D friends, as well as some very special people in blogland over the phone and through email and Facebook. Thank you to Amit, Sinclair and Pickles (in order that they phoned) for calling to lighten my day with your happy voices! Mwaaah! And Amit... I went and took a look after our call (what can I say, I was marginally worried). I still haven't sprouted any... down there! LOL!

Anyway, the day's half over. It's been good to me. Thank you to everyone for your birthday wishes and for thinking of me today!!

Love Jules :Oj

hey! I look the same as yesterday!

It's official! I've lived for 31 years.

Happy Birthday to anyone else who shares the same day with me!

Jules :OD

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

dirty again

I did yard work today. Don't be upset at me. I'll take it easy for the rest of the day. I promise.

Jules :Oj

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Show Your Pride!

Over the past year, I have met a whole bunch of very outstanding people. They are of many races, sizes and sexualities. They all have something to offer in this world. Every single one of them. Their diversities are what make the world tick. I can't only focus on sexuality in this post, because diversity is about accepting many different aspects of humanity. But I do need to say that I feel not accepting someone because of their sexual preference is not only mind boggling to me, but just shows your own ignorance.
Say you're sitting in a restaurant enjoying your meal. You are surrounded by people from every walk of life. Is it going to destroy your good time and your meal just because you've discovered that a gay person is sitting in the booth behind you? If you answered yes to this, you need to rethink your answer. They are no different than YOU. Yes, YOU. They eat the same, drink the same, sit the same, have the same ability to carry on a conversation, pay the bill the same, hold open the door the same as you or I. They are human just like YOU. And you don't have the right to judge them harshly just because they prefer to hold the hand of a person the same sex as their own. Now, go back and re-read this paragraph thinking about a person with different ethnicity than your own.

Open up your heart and your mind to the goodness of the people around you. Throw away labels. Who cares if they are gay? Who cares if they have different color skin than yours? Really??! Are they still human? Do they contribute to the good of society as a whole? Then THAT'S all that matters. Period.

But now a special shout out for Pride Month: thank you to all of my gay and lesbian friends in the world. Thank you for being open and honest with me, thank you for being my teacher and my friend. I am honored to know all of you!!! Happy Pride Month!!!!
Love Jules :Ohugsandkisses

Monday, June 18, 2007

a quick shout out

Today was a really really great day, despite my current physical disability.

What made it so great?

I received two very nice phone calls from two very special blogger buddies and it gave me energy and drive like you wouldn't believe! SSD from Waiting For Life called me this morning and our 26 minute conversation was full of giggles and warmhearted conversation. I loved hearing about his life with his family there. It REALLY started my morning off right! We've been trying to connect for some time now and it meant the world to me that we finally did.

Then, when least expected, I sat down to lunch and Pickles from Though Lovers Be Lost rang my number! I was flabbergasted and I think I answered the phone something like: "Get OUTTA HERE... Pickles?!!!!" Well, that conversation had me rolling on the floor joke after joke, comment after comment and good news! We discovered something! You know when dogs hang their heads out of the car windows? Well, it's not because they like the air rushing through their fur. It's because they just let one riiiiiiiip in the back seat of the car and it's their survival mechanism! LOL

Anyway... I just wanted to to the shout out thing, because these guys are total stand up guys. Great to talk to, wonderful to have as friends. Thank you both for making my day a fantastic one!

Jules :OD

Sunday, June 17, 2007

what to do?

I have to have 3 to 4 baths per day for the next week and a half. I really should just find a good book to get into while I'm in there, but it seems pointless to start reading a book when you're only going to be able to devote 10 minutes to it at a time. So instead, here's a list of things I've done with some of my bathtub time:

Marvelled at and then got grossed out at the amount of toe hair I actually cumulatively have on both feet.

Played water washcloth synchronized swimming. It's amazing what you can do without even ever touching the washcloth, just by moving around the water.

Counted my freckles.

Made faces in the faucet and studied my body as it would look if I were in a house of mirrors.

Shaved off my toe hair.

Counted my birthmarks. I have 3 that I can find so far.

Tried to play with my son's little power boat, but the batteries wore out.

So there are a few things. Does anyone have any suggestions for passing the time in a 10 - 15 minute bath? I'm running out of things to do in there.

Jules :O?

Happy Pappy Day

Happy Father's Day to my Daddies. I feel sometimes like I'll never fully be able to express how much love and gratitude I have in my heart for you.


Happy Father's Day to my Dad that has passed on and watches me from up high. I count on your watchful eyes to guide me in the right direction.


To everyone who is a Father to be, Father, Grandfather,or Great Great Grandfather... this is your special day and I want to wish you a very happy one! To everyone who is a Mommy filling the Daddy role... a very special Father's Day to you, too!

Love Jules :O*

Saturday, June 16, 2007

special day

It's my 6th anniversary today with hubby!!!!!!

To celebrate, we did the card and gift thing and then he let me sleep all afternoon! LOL I'm positive if I'd been feeling better it would have been a much much different day/evening. But there's always next year to look forward to!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, HUBBY!!!!!!!

Love forever and for always,
Jules :O****

uncanny

Leo: You've been having trouble connecting with someone close to you lately. Make an effort to have a good talk with that person, and get back on track.

this was the horoscope thingy off of facebook. i added it and as a result, i get to see the scopes for all my friends on there. this one struck me well today because i have a friend who's been attempting to call, but we haven't managed to connect yet. and this was his horoscope! babes, i'm looking forward to your call on monday!

jules :Oj

Friday, June 15, 2007

munch on these thoughts for a while

So, when I get a new freckle it comes in red. Bright red. Sometimes it takes several years for it to turn into a normal brown color. Is that strange? I noticed a new freckle on my leg tonight in one of the many baths I have to take per day now. I think it's pretty.

The grass issue has been saved. This morning, hubby went out there and slaved away with a lawn roller and a shovel with some dirt to level out the sunken parts. He's officially my hero.

In the land of numblebees, it's always the ones with silk wings that get all the attention.

If you skip all the way to work, do you technically take less steps? And if taking more steps is better for you, is it actually a good idea to skip? On the other hand, if skipping raises your heart rate more than plain walking, isn't it better to skip?

I heard on the news yesterday that Alberta is becoming so populated that we're gonna have to have another area code for parts of the province. And that we'll have to dial the area code even for local calls. I think that's uber stupid. Wanna order pizza? 403-bla-blah. Wanna call your sister? 403-bla-blah. At least we won't have to dial the 1 first.

I've successfully been drinking more water. Fibre and water are friends with one another and who am I to break up a friendship?

Okay, that's all the randomness in my head for right now.

Jules :Oj

Thursday, June 14, 2007

update

I have grass! It wasn't well laid down, and I'm kindof miffed that I wasn't able to get out there and do it myself, but at least I'm no longer having to look out my fron twindow and see a huge pile of dirt. For that I'm thankful.

I'm not feeling well, still. I've managed to have several bm's (as if you needed to know that) and it feels like i've been left for stranded up on a flag pole... and not hanging by my undies, if you know what I mean. I'm just soooooo sore! And I feel like being a big huge giant baby right now. Who's gonna give me some sympathy?

That's my update. But SSD... I'm really looking forward to that phone call, whenever it may be!! :OD

Jules :Os

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

lost alot of blood

a minor glitch... took me back to the er this am @ 5 of the hour. a few stitches and some steroids and i'm feeling much better. sore as a pig stuck in a barbed wire fence, but i think i'm on the mend. can't wait to have my first poo. yeah, that's gonna be something to write home about. *sigh*

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

still kicking

hey...guess what!? i made it through my surgery! could do without some of this bleeding, but in an effort not to get too graphic with you, i'll say no more on that little tangent.

so far, i'm not in much pain. but the doc assures me it will come tonight at midnight when the local wears off. all in all, the deed took only 35 minutes of actual under the knife time, but i was there for the majority of the day, arriving back home at 6:30ish.

something it took me till now to learn: an mp3 player both passes the time a lot more quickly, and it really gets you a lot of smiles from the nurses as they walk by and see you bouncing on your hospital bed!

i didn't even have to ask hubby to bring home his work laptop for me, he did it on his very own!! isn't that sweet? but the way i have to lay makes it difficult to type, as i only have one hand available. and, unfortunately, there's no yahoo chat on here, so my regular chat buddies will either just have to phone me to get their fix (anyone else have something called skype? apparently this puter does), or go through withdrawls. but i don't like being the cause of someone getting the shakes, so i'd rather they just call! need my number? email me!

well, right now i have to pee like the spout of an orca blows, so off i hobble to the potty. if i'm still feeling not bad in the morrow, i'm sure i'll be back on.

(hugs)... remember to actually give yourself some huggles from me whenever i do that!

jules :Os

That's just craptastic.

As if I wasn't feeling sick enough to my stomach this morning over the surgery thing, I have a little story to share. I had to cut a relative's hair last night (which I do monthly) and afterwards I got the urge to trim my son's hair. I took the clippers to his head not with reckess abandon, but with careful precision... or so I tried. A baby moves around... a lot. I did the sides really well and the back not too badly, but you could see that it wasn't done the greatest at the back. I left it as it was. Until this morning. I had the urge to fix the back of his hair, so out came the clippers again. And with no guard, I attempted to blend in the back of the hair better. I did not do a good job. HEARTBROKEN, but not too proud ot admit that I made a huge mistake, I decided the best thing to do would be to take him to get a professional to fix what I'd done. Afterall, it was still long enough that it had some play and it should have been totally fixable.

So we all hopped into the car and away we went to Just Cuts. I had to explain to the girls there that Mommy tried to cut his hair and I just didn't do a good enough job, and I know that I won't ever try it again, etc... feeling lower than low and embarassed for my poor boy. So we sat down in the chair and I told her that I just wanted the back blended in a bit better, the rest was okay, that I didn't want to lose the length on the sides or the top.

Well, to save you from having to read all of the details, she started with scissors, went to clippers and back to scissors again and NOW he looks EVEN WORSE! To top it off, he moved while she had the clippers and now he has an almost bald patch at the back of his head, and the line which I wanted blended in is not blended, but just moved further up his head. He looks like he had a military cut. Oh. My. God. I could just cry. I'm fighting back the tears as I type this. What have I done to my beautiful little baby!?? Thank GOD this wasn't his first hair cut experience, or I'd never take him back EVER!

I know, I know.. it's only hair and hair grows back, right? Still doesn't help me from feeling like a royal arse. All I can say is "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Baby Boy! Mommy is a zillion times sorry!"

Jules :O(

Monday, June 11, 2007

It'll just be too hard, I think...

So, it's suregry day for me tomrrow. I'm not gonna go into great detail, but suffice it to say that I may find it hard to sit down at my desk for the next little while and read/write blogs or chat, etc. So if for some wonderful reason you choose to write to me (and my God, please do!!), or post something on your blog that you thought I'd fall over laughing so hard at but you haven't seen a comment/response from me, that's why. It's not because I don't love you to bits. Noooooooooooooo. Never think that, you sillies!! It's just because I'm on the mend and can't log on for hours on end. Unless, of course, my hubby brings home his laptop and is nice enough to let me use it in bed!!

On a side note. There's another Julie living in Red Deer with a phone number dreadfully close to mine. I know because twice now in recent history, I've had a conversation with a man looking for a Julie. Once it was to tell (me) that he'd been in a really bad quadding accident and broke his ribs, and the other was today, he seemed to want to convince (me) of his application for a job. Okay, so presumably, not the same man... but strange. What's even stranger is that the phone call today he also mentioned the name Nate. So if anyone wants to toy with someone, call 403-556-0468 and offer the guy a job! He didn't seem to believe he'd gotten a wrong number. Maybe it was just my uber sexy "You just woke me up from a delicious nap where I was dreaming about sea sponges and pennies" voice. ;OP

Love you all, see you whenever I can!!
Jules (HUGS) :Oj

Friday, June 08, 2007

holy yum, batman

Mmmmm... roasted red pepper hummus on whole grain crackers.

I forgot to eat lunch till now... it's after 4. Hopefully it will do the trick till suppertime!

Jules :Odelish!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

here a yard, there a yard, everywhere a yard yard

I started to draw my property and house to scale today so I could plan out the back yard. I need to call some people and get quotes for a second tier to be built to our existing patio. We don't have neough room for a table and chair set on the existing one, which is 8 x 12 feet. I also went to price out the bricks I need to do the flowerbeds with. They're gonna run me around $400 with GST. Crud. That's more than I was planning to spend on it. I'm gonna have to say goodbye to the idea of underground sprinklers. But, then I can have the beds I want and posibly be able to afford more plants! YAY! I had a guy come and do an estimate on the sprinklers today and it's way more than I thought it would be at $2150. Yikes. So I guess I'll just have to not be lazy and go out and turn on the sprinkler myself. Although, Sin once told me she has an automatic timer for her regular sprinkler too. So perhaps that's worth looking in to.

Also, the tree I bought, which is an Amur Gold Rush Cherry (chokecherry) was supposed to go in the back yard, but I'm having great difficulty finding my Amur Maple for the front so I think that I may just plant the Cherry in the front. I love chokecherries!

Mkay, enough yard talk. In fact, enough talk, period! I had to take 2 Benedryl's because my face was becoming extremely itchy (like when I react to something) and it's actually kicking my ass right now, telling me to go to bed. It's only 9:30, but I may just have to listen to it!

Jules :Ozzzz

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

that took a turn south in a hurry...

I went to see In The Land of Women at the theatre with Kim tonight and the internet review thing said it was a romantic comedy. Although I was so happy to be able to spend some time with Kim, and we may have chuckled a few select times, it wasn't what I expected. At the end of the day, the movie was a drama - and a very sad one at that. And close lived to my heart, having dealth with a step-mom with cancer and a grandma who's not so long passed away. Shit. I mean... shit. I'm on the verge of a panic attack here right now because it was so close to home and now I can't stop thinking about these stupid spots on my arm and the biopsies that will be done on them all on June 27th ... ... ... ... and my son. Eff. I don't wanna break down more, so I'm outta here. I'm gonna go have a bath and then try to sleep.

Jules :O(

blee blurr blee blurr

Question: Do your "nether regions" ever start to tingle when you have to have a pee really bad?

Question: When your fingernails start to split and peel, is it because you're lacking something in your diet?

Question: Why is it that when you CAN spend money there's never anything you want to buy and when you CAN'T, there's a million things you want?

Confession: I used to be a font whore. I used to be able to watch commercials, or credits, etc. and know what font it was. Anyone else?

Fact: I am going to go get a tattoo once my sister has her baby, so sometime in August or September. It's going to be on my foot, and yes, I'm prepared for it to hurt like hell. Whatever the pain will be, it won't be anything like the pain I'll receive when my mom learns what I've done.

Annoying Trait: I have the habit of being "task scatterbrained". This means that by the time I've finally finished doing the ONE task I set out to do, I've managed to do several minitasks in the midst, most often making me forget what the main task was to begin with until later in the day when I happen upon it, still unfinished and lying in wait. Eventually everything gets done, but wouldn't it be more productive if I could just manage to complete a task before moving on?

Fear: Bugs nesting in my ear, specifically tiny evil spiders.

Jules :Oe

finally content in my new home

The only thing better than playing in the cow shit smelling dirt is the marvelous shower afterwards! Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

Jules :Oj

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Goin' out to buy a kit right now!

Oh My GOD! I know this is long, but PLEASE read it!!! It had me ROTF, honestly, this morning as I read it in email! Make sure to get the visual as you continue to read. You won't be sorry!
______________________________________________________
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal- The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now... thewax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, playwith the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss.

How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (Cold wax,"yeah...right!") I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward bodyhair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek. (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself... RRRRIIIPPP!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!

Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out... must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe... OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy- a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped up onthe toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door."hoo-hoo"? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,right???

WRONG!!!!!I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.. inscalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few moths ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!RIGHT!!!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care."IT WORKS!! It works!!"I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color....
_______________________________________________

Jules :OhahahahaHA!

Monday, June 04, 2007

FINALLY!

Lookit!!!!! LOOKIT!!! See it?? DO YOU SEE IT?!?!?!?!

It's my DIRT! MY DIRT!!
M-Y D-I-R-T!!!!!

I'm just THAT much closer to having a yard. I'm pretty sure that when the truck arrived today to drop it off I left a wet spot on my chair, and it wasn't drool and it wasn't pee. I was THAT excited.

My new to do list includes all things having to do with landscaping.
1. Get estimates for underground sprinklers.
2. Get an Amur Maple tree and some more shrubs on my list.
3. Order sod, organize a sod laying party and get raking/levelling.
4. Buy bricks from Home Deopt for the raised flower beds in my landscape plan.
5. Plant the flowerbeds.

There's most likely more stuff I need to do, but at this point, I'm still too excited to think straight. I dunno how I'm possibly gonna sleep tonight!

Jules 8OD

A realization...

Holy hell. I'm gonn be 31 in 18 days. YIKES!

J-Dawg... Out!

looking forward to today, then!

Cancer
June 21 - July 21
If you've been thinking about seeking success in the field of publishing, dear Cancer, this is the time to go for it. It's also a great day to enroll in law school, a masters program or any field of higher education. Love with someone from far away could well be in the offing. At the very least, you could make a new friend from a distant state or foreign land. This should be a very satisfying day for you. Enjoy it.
_______________________________________________________

Wow! Who's gonna be my new friend? I can't wait to find out! Check my profile for my email, and step up, peeps! :OD

Jules :Oj

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Rated R, consider this your warning!

A lovely little lassie sent me this in Facebook. I nearly fell out of my chair! Imagine all the time it would have taken the original person to design it? Brilliant!
My response was: What if I don't wanna wipe up the mess? (or something like that... ;OP)
Hmmm... anyone else sense a running theme on my blog lately? I say no more.
Jules :Oj

snnniiiifffffff!

I just love how summer smells. Everything about it, except for people who don't know the process of applying deodorant... or using soap. But yeah. Everything else is perfect!

Jules :8D

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Sylvan Lake Provincial Park

My day at the beach was fun. Here are some pics to enjoy. What... did you really expect anything different? Then you don't know me well enough, yet. Building sand sculptures is so much fun!! LOL

And no, I won't apologize for the graphic nature of my mind! Mwahahahahaha!

(I removed these pics, they were photos of sand sculptures with boobs etc... just use your imagination).

Jules :OHA!

Friday, June 01, 2007

I just don't know anymore

I had this discussion with Grunty when I first started blogging... the one about how I blog for me and if people find me entertaining and worthy of another visit that I would be honored, but that I can't necessarily see myself doing the whole blogroll thing. I told him that for 2 reasons (although I can't remember telling him the reasons, they might have just lived inside my head).
  1. What if I forget to add someone and they they're pissed off at me because they're not on my list of blogs I read.
  2. What if I put them in some wrong order and they're insulted because they feel they should be closer to the top.

Having said that... I've now (being close enough to a year old) started to reconsider this stance. See, the thoughts of the aforementioned items still keeps me shaking in my boots... but the fact is that I've met alot of really cool people through blogger and I've begun to think that I might be insulting them by NOT doing a blogroll! It's a total catch 22 for me and I need some help on deciding whether to add The Almighty List or not.

And what are the rules for it? Do you just add anyone and everyone who's ever stopped by your blog? Because then I'm gonna have some research to do. Or do you just add the blogs you read every day? Because then I'll for sure end up insulting people, as sometimes I don't have time to read blogs as regularily as I'd like anymore.

Okay (I just had to retype the word "okay" 3 times to successfully make it a capital O, by the way), enough snivelling (is that a word, did I use it correctly? (I'm just second guessing myself all over the place today!)), I'm gonna go now.

Jules :O???????

Well, do you?

Do you ever: Tap the water out of your toothbrush feverishly before putting it back?

Do you ever: Scratch a mosquito bite till it's raw?

Do you ever: Make songs up in your head to nursery rhyme tunes about everyday stuff?

Do you ever: Dance while walking down the street?

Do you ever: Forget how to ... nevermind, I forget what I was going to type here. (Honestly, I did. I sat here for 3 minutes trying to remember it).

Do you ever: Dream about your long distance friends?

Do you ever: Feel like you have bugs crawling on your skin, but after the panic attack subsides you find nothing visible?

Do you ever: Find a stray hair that you just know shouldn't be there?

Do you ever: Crave the smell of a large body of water?

Jules :O?