Sunday, January 31, 2010

Brainiac Moments Do Happen Inside My Head...

Here's something profound that I read, and agree totally 100% with... so much so that as I was busy reading it, I decided to share its concept with you.

You can not change your destination overnight, but you CAN change your direction. Your attitude is the first, and possibly the biggest, contributor to your direction and therefore your destination in life. There is no production in pessimism, start by changing your attitude, surely there is something good to focus on and derive direction from in every situation. You are the only one who can make your life happen the way you want it to. Be accountable, be productive, be positive and be proactive to make your direction become your desired final destination.

This is not word for word what I read, it's my take on it, and I think it's totally true. Unless we've been implanted with some sort of robotic device that controls our mind, brainwashed, or are living in a cult, we are all accountable for our days, our thoughts, our lives. We make life happen each day. And we can choose for it to happen in a positive direction or a negative one. But I'd rather my destination be that of somewhere happy and bright, with a positive outlook than something dismal and depressing that has a black aura.

How about you? Now that I've said that, and have gotten you thinking about it, stop just thinking and vow to yourself to start acting on it. If you want, you can report back to me with something positive that happened to you because you changed your way of thinking about your day today.

Jules :O+++

Thursday, January 28, 2010


My right heel hurts. Kiss it better.

Jules :Oowie

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Once upon a time in dreamland

I think I sleep-blog.

I swear to God that I've been to people's blogs and have left comments and then when I come back to check and see what they've responded to me, there's no comment from me.

So there's only one logical conclusion. I blog in my sleep. I sleep-blog. And I think I do it on a regular basis.

Anyone that lives in a different part of the world than me, thus living in totally different time zones, who is also my chat friend on Google Talk... this must apply to you... do I become green in the middle of my nights? Someone must volunteer to chart my online-ness during my supposed sleep hours. Really. Who's volunteering?

The only other possible explaination is that sometimes my comments are so off the wall that people just can't have them in their comments box for fear of total social isolation for associating with such the space nut that I can be... and so I'm read, appreciated, but then deleted. Somehow I can't imagine anything I ever say to be taken as outrageous, though... can you???

Jules :Ozzzzzzz

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Why can't I censor myself?!

There's something I'm going to admit to right here and now that I probably should have a long time ago....

On a few occassions in my life, I've peed in the shower.

Further to that... I want to learn to pee standing up (for those rare occassions where I have to pee in the wilderness and there's no fallen tree to squat over - I have slight penis envy), and as far as I can tell, the shower is the safest place to practice cuz i don't think my neighbours would take kindly to me practicing on the back fence or at the base of one of my trees.

There. I've said it. I realize it's going to be a deal breaker for some of you... it's probably beyond disgusting and you'll never come back here again. Does it help if I say it was at the beginning of my shower and it all rinsed down the drain? Does it further help if I say I rinse the tub and keep a clean and scrubbed bathroom?

Well there it is. Judge me. Go ahead. Just know it doesn't happen often. All I know is that my soul feels cleansed having admitted to it.

Jules :Oahhhhhhh

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Here's something I guarantee you did not know.

I'm back!! I got a new laptop and even though I could have done without the stress Dell caused me, and the debt I've just incurred, I am THRILLED to be back!!

I do, however, have to take my new laptop in to the store I bought it at tomorrow... it appears the Q button just popped right off tonight. WTF. Shouldn't need to be there for long, though.

Anyway. Here's something funny. I have taken note just very recently that my brain is subconsciously matching my socks and panties. I thought that your brain was supposed to match your outerwear... and I do a good job at that also, but I didn't realize that socks and ginchies were in dire need of matching. But you know... I noticed it this morning.

Here's how my mornings go. I get up after pressing the snooze button several times and then groggily make my way to the closet. I grab pants and a shirt, reach for my bra, then yawn my way to the dresser drawers where I absentmindedly reach for socks and underwear. Then it all comes with me to the bathroom and sits there waiting to be worn while I have my shower and do other such whatnots. It wasn't till this afternoon when I went to clean up my room from my weekend off that I realized that for the past 3 days, my socks have matched my undies. Almost perfectly. Not in so far as pattern or material, of course (lol, could you imagine fuzzy sock material as panties?? haha!), but colors. Today I had on undies that had a green elastic on them and navy blue material and my socks had the exact same green in them. Yesterday it was pink undies and my socks were striped pink and white.

I don't need to keep going, you get the point. But I didn't realize I was doing it at all and when I did notice it, I thought it was strange enough to share with you. I wonder how long I've been doing this for and why... and now that I've noticed it, I am curious, will my brain let it continue or not?? Do I dream at night about running around in my skimpies and socks, therefore it's imprinted in my subconscious to make sure and match them just incase it happens in real life?

Do your socks and under-pretties (or under-uglies) match?

Jules :Oj

Saturday, January 16, 2010

all's not well in lappy land

Dear readers, kind friends...


I'm writing this from my best friend's laptop because last night my lappy shut off and it never came back on. After tech support with Dell we discovered that my hard drive has totally crashed. Most of my stuff was on back up (thanks to Mr. Treat for giving me the external hard drive for my birthday) so I didn't lose much. But I feel totally out of touch now, completely disconnected from all of you, my UK family...

What the hell will I do without skype and blogging and emailing and IM?!? Wow. I love technology for making the world accessible, but it sure does suck putrid pucker when it's taken from you. Thank God for the telephone. At least it's somewhat reliable.

I expect to be gone for about a week, hopefully no longer than that. My new hard drive's on it's way as of Monday morning and then it'll just be dependent on whether I'm computer savvy enough to actually perform the surgery, via the Dell Tech's help. OMG. I feel like I'm getting ready for a triple bypass or something.

Well... love me while I'm gone... so I feel the warmth when I get back, yeah? I may be able to check in a time or two again, but I'm not going to make any promises.

Love to all,
Jules :O(

Friday, January 15, 2010

Just the Facts, Ma'am

So here it is in black and white. You all thought I was joking, and you laughed at me when I said it was good for your health to have a big fat O. Well guess what!! Read below.. and then you can send your praise for my almighty wisdom my way!!

An epidemiological study of 30,000 American men
by Michael Leitzman, a cancer researcher at the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, Maryland, has found that men who enjoy an active sex life do not risk prostate cancer in later life. There has been a suggested link with greater sexual activity and increased incidents of prostate cancer in previous scientific data because of the link with the male hormone testosterone and its effect on promoting cancer cell growth. Leitzmann's findings were that men who ejaculate between 13 and 20 times a month had a 14% lower risk of prostate cancer that men who ejaculated on average, between 4 and 7 times a month for most of their adult life. Men who ejaculated upwards of 21 times a month had a 33% lower lifetime risk of prostate cancer than the baseline group.
I want every man who reads this blog to ejaculate 21 times per month, with or without your loved one. Jules' orders. But be careful not to over do it... because this report said:

Men who ejaculate once or more on a daily basis may eventually 'lose their minds', since 20 percent of male semen is composed of cerebrospinal fluid. Frequent ejaculation thus causes a chronic drain of the vital fluids that the brain and spine require to function properly. The resulting deficiency of cerebrospinal fluid can cause such increasingly common conditions as premature senility, inability to concentrate, chronic depression, loss of sexual drive and a host of other related symptoms.

So... it's not less is more, and it's not most is best. I don't expect you to wear your skin off, just maintain a healthy ejaculation regime!

Jules :Os'whatI'mtalkingabout!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

twisted tenderness

Here's a "tender little moments" type of story for you, be prepared, you might need a kleenex to wipe a tear or two.

**Cue dreamy fairytale music**

When I came in from buying myself new shoes tonight, I was happily and anxiously greeted by my cat, Manny, at the top of the stairs. He seemed extra energetic, certainly amorous, so I sat at the top of the stairs and petted him while he purred and spouted out other little playful sounds. A few minutes passed and as I stood up, so did he. I thought to myself "what devotion, unconditional love, how beautiful". I put on my new shoes to break them in inside the house and did a little walk about, my cat following closely at my feet. As I turned the corner of my bench coffee table in the livingroom, Manny let out a little throaty purr meow and ran ahead of me towards something. When I got to where he was I noticed IT.

**drop dreamy music and cue the duh-duh-DUH horror music**

There was a little ball of dried up cat poo on my carpet upstairs. I haven't got a clue how it got there, it was obviously not fresh, nor was it there before I went out. Sitting there, beneath Manny's playful paws, sat a perfectly round with little soft ice-cream swirl top bit, all dried and crusty and a cat that was excited to show me. He looked up at me and his little eyes strangely said "See Mom? Lookit what I found to play with". I hate to think that because it was like a round little ball, my cat decided to just nip it out of the litterbox downstairs and carry it in his mouth up here to toss it around like his favorite soccer ball. I'd smell his breath to find out, but frankly, that's even more disturbing than the poo ball.

**deepen the horror music intensity**

So I went off, swearing under my breath, and thinking about how gleefully I'd petted him just moments ago, unconditional love, yadda yadda yadda and grabbed a paper towel to toss it to the trash with. Story would be over, except I'd had reason to open the garbage cupboard door later tonight and nearly vomitted as that little tiny round poo with swirly top had COMPLETELY poisoned the air in the cupboard and came wafting out at me with such putrid intent that it nearly made me toss my egg salad supper sandwich. Needless to say, garbage was taken out, and I haven't trusted Manny for the rest of the evening. I'm afraid to to into my bedroom to see the poo's swirly topped brother on my bed or something. Cuz where there's one little round poo, there's bound to be another... isn't there?

** fade music out, and cut**

Touching, yeah??

Jules :Oomg-gross!!!

Friday, January 08, 2010

gasp. I'm sure of it....

Do I have a big nose? Honestly, sometimes I look at myself and all I see is this bulbous thing stuck in the middle of my face. Is my nose growing still and the rest of me is shrinking?? Would it help if I reverted back to the old 80's style glasses that took up my entire face so you don't even notice the nose at all? Tell me!!!!

This new complex of mine might have been brought on by a dream I had last night where I actually did have a shrinking head, but my ears, eyebrows and nose didn't keep caught up with the rest of my shrinking head. So not only did I have a tiny head by the end of the dream that was on top of this average sized body, but my eyebrows were giant and almost overhung my face like a sun visor and my nose got in the way of everything. The worst part is that it didn't even come with superpowers or anything. I wasn't proclaimed "Brow-Visor Girl" or "Enlarged Earlobe Woman, with the power to swing from vines with super ear grip" or anything. I was just deformed.

Jules :8j

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Baffled, need answers!

So, you know how every expert under the sun tells you that you need to drink between 8 - 10 glasses of water every day? I have a coule of questions surrounding that.

Considering that every "glass" in my cupboard is a different size, which glass is the correct one to use? do I go for the humungo tall glass or the little kid cup that holds about 1/4 of the liquid as Mr. Humungo glass. Am I better off to drinnk from a coffee mug, and if that's the case, do I choose the giant Boxer dog mug that I have (in celebration of my virtual dog with Si) or do I pick my I Heart Wirral one which is half the size. I seriously don't know what size glass to use.

Next... and still very much related to this topic is this:

Does it have to be pure straight water? I'm asking this odd one beause it occurred to me today that the market is saturated with products that "dress up" your water. I think it's Crystal Light that has these little flavor your water pouches, individual ones, and they talk about being bored with just plain water? That's okay, just add our little packet of sugar and Voila!! Colored water! Well... techinically speaking, if you're adding anything to water, isn't it turning it into juice? Or if you add a tea bag to plain ol water, are you still drinking your serving of water, or have you just null and voided the water and now you're drinking tea... even though without the water you couldn't have the tea? What about if you're a plain coffee drinker? Isn't that just coffee flavor and caffiene infused water??? Does a cup of plain black coffee count as your serving of water?

It's confusing to me. Is water just supposed to be water, or are we allowed to dress it up and make it pretty before we consume it?

Jules :O??