Wednesday, October 20, 2010

parents of the world, unite and help me....


I am officially sick and tired of being the ONLY parent who the teacher needs to have a talk with on an almost daily basis because my son did some mean behavior at school.

I've taken away any source of violence in my house, he isn't exposed to watching cartoons or movies with violence in them here. We cuddle instead of wrestle. I am always correcting his behaviors when we're out in public, trying to teach him right from wrong. I remind him of how to be a good friend, and teach him about the Golden Rule. We don't have a game console where he's acting out wrestling or fighting of any kind. I praise him HIGHLY and so does his teacher for times when he's well behaved. I offer him rewards and incentives.

He still has bad days where he's poking, hitting, punching and bothering the other kids at school.. even if it's just one single instance in a day, it's too much. Or if he's not doing that, he's making noise and disturbing the students that way.

The teacher says he does excellent work, but he's just not getting the social behavior thing.

He's been around other kids his whole life, even though he's an only child. I coach and teach him on what is right from wrong. But I feel like I'm failing as a parent, because I keep getting these reports of poor behavior.

Today we decided that we'll try putting a sticker/stamp rewards chart into place for him. As far as I know, he's the only kid in the class that requires this. I did this with him for 2 months with regard to eating last year. I eventually gave up on it.. because sometimes it worked, and sometimes it didn't.

I'm at a loss. I just don't understand why he is having so much trouble being nice and acting appropriately with kids at school. When we're out at a playground, he's able to make friends and play nicely for the most part there. And believe me, I'm not just "blind" to what goes on because I'm his mom. If I see something wrong, he doesn't get away with it.

Today... right now as I write this... I feel like crying. I want to feel pride, not shame. And I'm even ashamed to say that I'm embarrassed of my child's school behavior. Where have I gone wrong? What more can I do to make him understand that he needs to treat others nicely at school???

Jules :Ough.


SIMON said...

You are a fantastic parent and as a single parent it is almost impossible to remove all bad influences and you can not be there 100% of the time, nor be 100%responsible.
Nathan is a smashing kid and anyone who meets him including his teachers know that. Believe me you are not the only one that this is happening to - and you know what in the big picture of child education and parenting this isn't a big bad thing.
Your ultimate parenting reward will be later in his life when it's the other kids that get in to all kinds of trouble - big trouble. Police drugs alcohol etc. That's when to really worry about bad parenting and poor behaviours.

Hang in there Jules you are doing a fantastic job and you are definitely doing nothing wrong so lets put aside all these feelings of failure!!
Once again I hope that a good rant courtesy of blogger does the trick!
At least for the moment!

Jules said...

Thanks Si. I've come to the conclusion not to take what the teacher says too heavily. I think she's being a bit over demanding and hard on the kids. I've since overheard other mom's asking about their kids too. I do like the teacher, I think she and I have a good rapport going, and Nate really likes her too, but some expectations might be a bit too much.

Diary of a Gay Soldier's Husband said...

Jules, you are a good parent because you are addressing the issue as best you are able. Finding the root cause of behavioral issues can be tricky. Have you considered professional help? (I say this because I am a big advocate, not because I am judging...) I definitely had behavioral issues in school that no one ever took the time to deal with in a constructive manner.