I am an effing genius. Well ok, probably not... anyone who knows anything about baking or cooking would likely disagree with me, but I'm not a chef of any kind. Here's why I'm saying I am a genius tonight. I have had to completely.. yes completely.. cut out sugars in all forms from my diet in order to fight my candida. I've been doing really great with it. A week and a day with no sugar at all. You'd be suprised at how difficult this is to achieve until you actually go ahead and try it. A pleasant side effect of this is that I've finally gotten through my weight loss plateau of 4 months! But that's not why I'm a genius. I've been able to cook up rewarding and fulfilling meals for breakfast lunch and dinner for 8 days. That's 24 meals, if I did my math right. Sometimes lunch suffers and it ends up being just raw veggies, but if I mix the right ones together and add some salt, pepper and spices, it's become really pleasing to my pallate just the same.
Here's what I ate for supper last night. It's chicken with Italian seasoning, garlic and pepper, sauteed in a tsp of olive oil and then just at the last 2 or 3 minutes, turn up the heat and add a tsp of butter. It gets all nice and brown and yummy that way. Underneath it is butternut squash, well done so it's easy to scoop out of the skin and mashed with butter and pepper. You could spice this up any way you wanted to. Make it curry chicken or greek chicken. Mmmm...
But as satisfying as food has gotten to be for me with the absence of sugar, I fear that it is approaching the peak of my monthly cycle soon and it's getting to be hard fighting my chocolate craving. So driving home tonight I was struck with thoughts of cocoa and xylitol. Xylitol is a pure sugar derived straight from birch trees and it one of two safe alternatives for candida sufferers. That and stevia. I picked up some xylitol yesterday but didn't know what to do with it until the cocoa came to mind. I could make chocolate. Now, I can't have milk or cream, and that would make this better, of course.. thicker and creamier, but this is totally an amazing substitute for someone needing a chocolate fix who can't have sugar! This contains ZERO sugar.
Mix 1 heaping tablespoon of cocoa with the same amount of xylitol and add 1 tablespoon of water at a time until you achieve your desired consistency. If you want an icing paste use less, or for a drizzle topping use more water. I would even be tempted to add a smidge of butter, but that just adds calories and isn't really necessary. I am eating it with 100% BROWN rice cakes, this is one of the few acceptable grains I'm allowed to eat and let me tell you what. It's delicious! It's like a little disc-like piece of Heaven. You should try this. Very low in calories and crunchy and yummy and oh so satisfying!
All I can say tonight is YAY for cocoa and "take THAT, anti-candida diet!"
I figured I should probably come put something on here that wasn't quite so depressing. My medical status is that the candida is back and I'm going to fight it head on and strong.
So on a lighter topic.. Have you ever noticed that alot of the time, it's the little things that really do count? A single sentence, or sometimes even just a single word. I've recently taken a liking to the number 4. It's probably got to do with this cute little thing my boyf and I do when we're texting. I won't go and spill the beans on it because I want to keep it between us and special, but I sure do smile inside and out when I see that number 4 appear.
I could go on and on about my boyf and I and make this a mushy post, but probably most of you (especially those of you who are either unhappily single or unhappily married, LOL) would go "omg, give me a break" before you reach for the wastebin and hurl. My bliss might not be your cup of tea. LOL
Here's what I'll say about me today instead. Despite my health issues, I really am so happy in life right now. I feel like I've got things on the right track. I'm affording life from month to month without too much hardship, I like my job (most days), my child is blossoming and doing well in school, my family is close and there when I need them and vice versa, I have some very dear friends that life wouldn't be the same without, and I have a wonderful boyf who knows exactly what to say and do and who is such a total joy.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is if you want to be happy, don't overlook all that you have, and for sure don't overlook the little things.
So. If you don't know what fugly means, it is short for "fucking ugly".
6 days ago, I noticed a few spots developing on my skin. Just little ones, here or there, and never thought anything of it. Then I sweated my ass off at my sisters house last Thursday, as we do 4 or 5 times a week, and when I was bending over in front of the mirror I caught a glimpse of RED and thought WTF? So I examined the spot on my body that caught my attention and it was like this massive rash that was deep red, both solid and spotty. Further examination led me to find several more locations where I'm turning spotty. I called Heathlink on Thursday night and she thought it might be a heat rash, which made sense considering the amount of sweating I do on a daily basis when I work out. But that would have cleared up by now.
So I went to the Doctor this morning and no joke, here was his reaction. As his eyes widened as I stripped down before him (I wish in excitement, but no), he said to me (in what I'm sure was supposed to be a professional and reassuring tone that was slightly askew):
"Well! I'm not going to lie to you. I have never seen that before. Nope.. I've just never seen anything like that ever before!" I think I actually saw his heart rise to his throat as panic stuck him because he was at a total loss.
I said "Right?!?!? Frankly, it's starting to really freak me out..." while I looked at him hopefully, like he could just pull some magical explaination out of his armpit.
This was followed by a wildly long line of questioning, to which I did my level best to recall answers to, but my memory is seriously flawed at the best of times. We looked at the herbal supplements I've been taking for proper bowel function and he decided that I should for now discontinue using them (great, can't wait to be constipated again). He wrote up an order for loads of blood tests to test my liver, kidneys, thyroid, white and red blood cells, thickness of my blood, biliruben count, inflammation in relation to arteries and organs. So I'll go get them done tomorrow and then go see the doc again on Tuesday. For now he told me to take Benedryl incase it's just an allergic reaction, but he didn't seem really hopeful with that diagnosis. If all the tests come back ok, I'll be referred to yet ANOTHER specialist. I've got a specialist for every goddam part of my body already. What's one more to add to the list.
I just have to say... I'm 34 and I've had so much stuff happen to me, health wise, that really I've lost track of it all. Let's see.
Tonsilectomy, wisdom tooth extraction, tubiligation, endometrial ablation, hemmorhoidectomy and countless follow ups with that, colonoscopy with extractions, arterial veinous malformation resulting in cauterisation of bronchials of right lower lung, anxiety attacks (took 3 years to recover from that), massive candida infection lasting 3 years (now conquered), enlarged right thyroid gland (biopsies negative), biopsies done several years ago for skin cancer on my arm (negative), diagnosis of lichen sclerosis (lifelong illness), and now this skin disorder that is making me look and feel nothing short of a giraffe or some other spotted animal.
I've decided that if it continues to spread, and ends up polluting my pretty face and neck, I'm going to tell people that I an undergoing tattoo therapy to turn my whole body deep purple one dot at a time. Then I'll be an original species, the only one of my color. Either that, or I'll tell people I'm an actress who landed a part playing a female Borg from the next Star Trek movie and it's just easier to stay in costume than to go through makeup every morning.
Could be worse, I could have a major disability, or the dreaded "C-word". **knock on wood** Wish me luck people. My career as a medical enigma continues to baffle and stun Doctors. Awesome.
Incase you can't read it, it says "At last you can trade your skinny lips for a Sexy Mother Pucker".
Is this really for real? I know it must be because I saw it in Shoppers Drug Mart, but honestly? I sort of find it to be both funny and highly distasteful at the same time. For more than one reason. How about you? Did it tug on your funny bone, or make you make a puckery face yourself in disgust? I'm sort of torn. Am I supposed to give in and giggle or turn my nose up at it?
I guess I should be thankful I already have sexy mother pucking good lips. Agreed?
This is where I went skiing this weekend. Yesterday and today for a bit under 2 hours each day. It's so beautiful. The sun was out today, warming everything up, it reached a high of +5C here!! In some spots it made the trail seem a bit sticky though. But as long as I was outside, surrounded by scenes like this, I didn't care. I was just so thankful for all the abundance of the earth all around me.
Underneath a pine tree, a bare patch with a little chickadee (I think) caught my eye.
And I tracked a squirrell for some time.. or else he tracked me. Later I saw him frolicking in the bushes with another... ahhh, spring is totally in the air.
I just finished skiing here. The show was melting off my skis before I even put them back in my car. I broke the other basket on the other pole today. But I've learned how to fix that.
I sure hope spring has decided to stay finally and this isn't just a teaser... although I'll be so sad to have to put away my skis.
According to my horoscope today, I am supposed to be intellectually involved in a group discussion about Metaphysics. I guess it's laughable that I didn't know what the word "metaphysics" meant. So I googled it and here's what the definition is, apparently.
Metaphysics is defined as the branch of philosophy that examines the true nature of reality, whether visible or invisible. It includes the relationship between mind and matter, substance and attribute, and fact and value. Basically, metaphysics is the philosophical study of being and knowing. It is very closely related to spirituality, but it is not a religion. It has been used to cover any one or a combination of the following subjects: Philosophy, Parapsychology, Mysticism, Yoga, ESP, Dreams, Jungian Psychology, Astrology, Meditation, Self-Help Studies, Positive Thinking, Life after Death, Reincarnation, etc… A metaphysics introduction must mention each of these topics to be complete. As they are each important parts of metaphysics.
So, I'm up for that. Which one should we talk about? The silly thing is that I don't even know what some of those things listed within the topic of metaphysics are! What the heck is Jungian Physchology and I'm not really sure I know what Parapsychology is.. is it the study of ghosts?
Ok. So Philosophically speaking.. what is the meaning of life? There's got to be a more to it than just sex and love. It's got to have something to do with measuring the amount of happiness and achievement in any given day, culminating to a rewarding week, month, year.. decade etc. I guess if you have more happy days than sad or angry ones, you've maybe got the meaning of life figured out.
I'm skipping paraphyscology cuz if it means ghosts, they freak me out and I don't want to get freaked out right now, I'm home alone. LOL
Mysticism... Well, I already discussed the movie "Mystic Pizza" the other day. Does that count?
Yoga. A friend of mine told me that I should try Bikram's Hot Yoga. So I looked it up and at the time it wasn't offered in Red Deer. But now it's being done downtown. I should go check that out. Also, I read an article in Cosmo this month. It was 25 fun things to do naked. Can you believe it listed YOGA?! Naked yoga. It said to go with your best friend, but make sure to be in front of him/her, so that while they did the downward dog you didn't get the "full view". Please, take a moment and picture that before moving on. Get the full visual in your head. Titties hanging down, punies hanging out... I guess if I go do that, I'll have to really make sure all my hairs are perfectly in place. Have to have a stylin strip down there.
ESP. My son always says he can only read cats' minds. I tell him I can read his mind all the time. I do wish I had this ability. Think of how easy life would be if you could read the minds of those around you, or your loved ones. You'd never fuck up. Wait, am I confusing telepathy with ESP? Great. Now I have to go do another google search.
Dreams. I'll skip that one, just read my post from a couple of days ago and we'll call that one discussed. However, I do find dreams fascinating, and I like to look mine up in a dream book my soul sis bought me for my birthday last year.
Jungian Ph-blah-de-blah. I'll have to google that one too.
Astrology. This is really cool and I'm starting to learn more and more about it and believe more and more about it. I love how the personalities of people are defined by when they were born and what impact the alignment of the planets has on our attitudes and behaviors on a daily basis. According to astrology, my best mate match is a Scorpio. I love knowing that. And knowing what my son's inherent characteristics are helps me deal with him properly. There's a rea science to it all. Me, though.. I just like to dabble in it on a somewhat superficial level. I did, however, pay $30 to get an astrological forecast done. It's very specific for some dates. I'll let you know as they arrive and pass whether they were true or not.
Meditation. I don't meditate. Although the other day I was crying and my son came up to me and said "Mommy, when I'm upset I just do this and it helps me..." and he proceeded to sit cross legged on my bed, and put his hands in that meditative pose and said "Aummmmmmmm". LOL Did I spell that right?
I'm skipping self help studues and positive thinking. They sort of go hand in hand and we all know already that being positive about life is way better than being negative.
Life after Death, Reincarnation. I firmly believe that our spirits move on to bigger and better things once these bodies expire. We take with us our past experiences and that's what helps us have that common sense about things, cuz we've already been there done that a million times. It's also where deja-vu comes from. Right? LOL I think you can be reincarnated into anything living that will expire again. So.. not rocks. And I'm not sure about plants. But living breathing things. Maybe not amoeba's either. You can't become just a single celled organism. Anyway.. even if it's not true, I still believe in that because it's better than the alternative and I like to exercise the power of positive thinking! ;P
Wow. That post rivals Tys' in terms of length. Hope you managed to stick with me, I don't usually write this long of posts. But you know what? If it gave you even one chuckle as you read it, or even just made you crack a smile, then it was all worthwhile, right?
Or do I pull that big, bad, nasty, totally obvious puppy out?
I'm leaning towards yanking it the heck outta there... I'm not even 35 yet. I knew I liked to look good, but I'm not sure I knew I was so vain. Maybe I should leave it in there and let it be a reminder of my history. Hmmm. Now I'm torn. What's the concensus?
I think the movie "Mystic Pizza" had more of an impact on me growing up than I thought. There's a girl called Kat in it who's attracted to an older man. I think that must have been what shaped me as a young woman. There's another one who sports long curly huge hair, played by Julie Roberts.. I'm guessing that I tried to emmulate her hair as I grew up too. Hmmm.
Plus... and this must just be coincidental, call me crazy with this one but... I also really enjoy... are you ready for this? Pizza!
I wonder if the little sex scenes helped to shape me too. Hmmm.
I dreamed last night that I was going on a ski trip with Thor and my mom. For some reason, I was considered totally the novice of the group and then there was Thor, the expert, and my mom was considered intermediate, although she never goes apline skiing. Anyway, we arrived at a resort in the mountains and I had to rent all my equipment, but in order to get to the place where you could rent from, you had to first climb up a bunny hill by foot and then use a crazy carpet to get to this little booth where it was all sold. The sliding part was sort of akin to a bobsled track. So Thor was going to meet us up at the top of the mountain and my mom went with me to get my skis.
We arrived at the booth after a very fast, twisty turny ride on the track and there was a really hot ski bum there renting stuff out. I started to fill out the forms for the rentals and he was handing me the skis, boots, and poles and then I turned to him in horror and said "Oh my God.. do you rent socks here too? Look at my feet, they're bare!!" Apparently I wasn't wearing anything at all on my feet, having just climbed up a snowy hill and crazy carpetted down a track. Go figure. The guy started to panic and out of his beautiful face came this really high pitched squeally voice, not manly at all, thus shattering my idealistic impression of him. He said to me "We don't have any left in stock! What are you going to do?!!!" He was really really upset and almost in a panic. Then he bent over and I could hear this shuffling noise and he popped back up with his own white and blue wool socks in his hands and thrust them upon me exclaiming "Here!!! Please!! You have to take mine!!"
So I smelled them while my mom looked at me in disgust and questioned whether the guy had any sort of foot fungus or not. He jumped up on the counter and let her examine his feet and she gave me a thumbs up and flashed me a silly smile.
She and I got on this really strange chair lift that was literally like a picnic table lift. You could fit 4 people on one side. So I climbed over top of this man and his son and then plopped down by mom. When we got to the top, Thor was waiting there with his shoes off, getting ready to put his ski boots on, but for some reason, he wanted to walk around on what was a beach at the top of the mountain in his socks first. So he did, then he looked down at his socks, then up at me, and said "Oh Darn.. now I'm all covered in sand.. maybe I shouldn't have done that" with this really distressed look on his face. I went over to him, carried his beautiful large muscular body back to the picnic table lift (as if he were light as air), brushed off his socks and helped him put his boots on.
That's is. It was a very strange dream. Probably chalk full of meaning, but I think I'll just enjoy the oddities and not over analyse it.
I don't have a problem! Everybody needs 6 winter scarves, don't they?
I mean, look how happy they make me.......
Who wouldn't want to be wrapped in knitted scarfy warmth and bliss on a bone chilling day in Alberta? Hmmm? Besides, only 3 of these are new this season.... any guesses which 3?
And don't even get me started on dressy scarves... I've got plenty of those too. This one's quite special. Although this photo of me makes my nose look giant and my hair's slightly strange looking... Oh, and blow up the scarf display pic and take a look at what magically appeared on my step today. As if the spy-roni wasn't bad enough(see previous post). Now they're sending marble-cams through the vortex. This one somehow moves from stair to stair. Ohhh, they're gooooood....
There are a couple of things I don't understand. Things I've heard or happened upon that sort of baffle me.
Like the piece of macaroni sitting uncooked on my top step inside my house. How did it get there? I don't even have macaroni in the pantry. Was it magically transported there from some alternate existence or from a remote galaxy? Sent to spy on me and my family? Is there a microscopic camera in there sending live video feed to some other planet? Who invented the spy-roni anyway? And am I one of the first test subjects? In any case, I'm a little bit afraid to touch it. If you come to my house, look for it and smile as you walk by it. We have to put on a happy show.
Another thing is that apparently Madonna has a new line of clothing called "Material Girl" and The Bay sells it here. Now call me silly, but I just find that whole thing insanely cheezy. I don't think I require further explanation on that one, either. Just... I'm totally afraid to go there and look at the clothes.. I'm afraid I'll have some weird psychotic flashback to the 80's. Really Madonna... Material Girl clothes? Maybe I should be happy she didn't call the line "Vogue".
What is the youngest you've ever seen a white hair on a person? What age? My son's got a white hair and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be totally concerned about his abrupt advancement into his aging years or if it's just some randomness that has occurred without meaning anything significant. Should I be worried that before I turn 40 my son will look older than me? Wasn't there a movie about a kid who had an aging disease? He was like, 10 and he looked like he was 80? I'm sort of freaking out about that.
Maybe the white hair was transplanted on his head by the same aliens who sent the spy-roni, just to study my reaction to his change in physical appearance.
.... even if it doesn't seem apparent, it's still there. Even when things just look bland and dark, there's something there to make you smile if you open your eyes.
I should take this time to say goodbye to February and welcome March. Today was the coldest day of the winter, I think. Not even with a hint of sarcasm. With windchill it was -46C (-50.8F) here this morning. Everything was a solid block of ice and the roads were all slippery after yesterday's substantial falling of snow. It was cold on the weekend as well, but it didn't stop me from taking a few snapshots of the snowflakes on my car as I headed out to a movie with mom and Vix on Sunday. I wish I'd had a cleaner car though, doesn't make the best photo this way..
But still, I guess even in the coldest of times and amidst the dirt and grime, there can still be beauty. These look like my family... well, the first one does. The second one............ ? Hopefully someday.