So. If you don't know what fugly means, it is short for "fucking ugly".
6 days ago, I noticed a few spots developing on my skin. Just little ones, here or there, and never thought anything of it. Then I sweated my ass off at my sisters house last Thursday, as we do 4 or 5 times a week, and when I was bending over in front of the mirror I caught a glimpse of RED and thought WTF? So I examined the spot on my body that caught my attention and it was like this massive rash that was deep red, both solid and spotty. Further examination led me to find several more locations where I'm turning spotty. I called Heathlink on Thursday night and she thought it might be a heat rash, which made sense considering the amount of sweating I do on a daily basis when I work out. But that would have cleared up by now.
So I went to the Doctor this morning and no joke, here was his reaction. As his eyes widened as I stripped down before him (I wish in excitement, but no), he said to me (in what I'm sure was supposed to be a professional and reassuring tone that was slightly askew):
"Well! I'm not going to lie to you. I have never seen that before. Nope.. I've just never seen anything like that ever before!" I think I actually saw his heart rise to his throat as panic stuck him because he was at a total loss.
I said "Right?!?!? Frankly, it's starting to really freak me out..." while I looked at him hopefully, like he could just pull some magical explaination out of his armpit.
This was followed by a wildly long line of questioning, to which I did my level best to recall answers to, but my memory is seriously flawed at the best of times. We looked at the herbal supplements I've been taking for proper bowel function and he decided that I should for now discontinue using them (great, can't wait to be constipated again). He wrote up an order for loads of blood tests to test my liver, kidneys, thyroid, white and red blood cells, thickness of my blood, biliruben count, inflammation in relation to arteries and organs. So I'll go get them done tomorrow and then go see the doc again on Tuesday. For now he told me to take Benedryl incase it's just an allergic reaction, but he didn't seem really hopeful with that diagnosis. If all the tests come back ok, I'll be referred to yet ANOTHER specialist. I've got a specialist for every goddam part of my body already. What's one more to add to the list.
I just have to say... I'm 34 and I've had so much stuff happen to me, health wise, that really I've lost track of it all. Let's see.
Tonsilectomy, wisdom tooth extraction, tubiligation, endometrial ablation, hemmorhoidectomy and countless follow ups with that, colonoscopy with extractions, arterial veinous malformation resulting in cauterisation of bronchials of right lower lung, anxiety attacks (took 3 years to recover from that), massive candida infection lasting 3 years (now conquered), enlarged right thyroid gland (biopsies negative), biopsies done several years ago for skin cancer on my arm (negative), diagnosis of lichen sclerosis (lifelong illness), and now this skin disorder that is making me look and feel nothing short of a giraffe or some other spotted animal.
I've decided that if it continues to spread, and ends up polluting my pretty face and neck, I'm going to tell people that I an undergoing tattoo therapy to turn my whole body deep purple one dot at a time. Then I'll be an original species, the only one of my color. Either that, or I'll tell people I'm an actress who landed a part playing a female Borg from the next Star Trek movie and it's just easier to stay in costume than to go through makeup every morning.
Could be worse, I could have a major disability, or the dreaded "C-word". **knock on wood** Wish me luck people. My career as a medical enigma continues to baffle and stun Doctors. Awesome.