Sunday, March 20, 2011

That's Fugly!

So. If you don't know what fugly means, it is short for "fucking ugly".

6 days ago, I noticed a few spots developing on my skin. Just little ones, here or there, and never thought anything of it. Then I sweated my ass off at my sisters house last Thursday, as we do 4 or 5 times a week, and when I was bending over in front of the mirror I caught a glimpse of RED and thought WTF? So I examined the spot on my body that caught my attention and it was like this massive rash that was deep red, both solid and spotty. Further examination led me to find several more locations where I'm turning spotty. I called Heathlink on Thursday night and she thought it might be a heat rash, which made sense considering the amount of sweating I do on a daily basis when I work out. But that would have cleared up by now.

So I went to the Doctor this morning and no joke, here was his reaction. As his eyes widened as I stripped down before him (I wish in excitement, but no), he said to me (in what I'm sure was supposed to be a professional and reassuring tone that was slightly askew):

"Well! I'm not going to lie to you. I have never seen that before. Nope.. I've just never seen anything like that ever before!" I think I actually saw his heart rise to his throat as panic stuck him because he was at a total loss.

I said "Right?!?!? Frankly, it's starting to really freak me out..." while I looked at him hopefully, like he could just pull some magical explaination out of his armpit.

This was followed by a wildly long line of questioning, to which I did my level best to recall answers to, but my memory is seriously flawed at the best of times. We looked at the herbal supplements I've been taking for proper bowel function and he decided that I should for now discontinue using them (great, can't wait to be constipated again). He wrote up an order for loads of blood tests to test my liver, kidneys, thyroid, white and red blood cells, thickness of my blood, biliruben count, inflammation in relation to arteries and organs. So I'll go get them done tomorrow and then go see the doc again on Tuesday. For now he told me to take Benedryl incase it's just an allergic reaction, but he didn't seem really hopeful with that diagnosis. If all the tests come back ok, I'll be referred to yet ANOTHER specialist. I've got a specialist for every goddam part of my body already. What's one more to add to the list.

I just have to say... I'm 34 and I've had so much stuff happen to me, health wise, that really I've lost track of it all. Let's see.

Tonsilectomy, wisdom tooth extraction, tubiligation, endometrial ablation, hemmorhoidectomy and countless follow ups with that, colonoscopy with extractions, arterial veinous malformation resulting in cauterisation of bronchials of right lower lung, anxiety attacks (took 3 years to recover from that), massive candida infection lasting 3 years (now conquered), enlarged right thyroid gland (biopsies negative), biopsies done several years ago for skin cancer on my arm (negative), diagnosis of lichen sclerosis (lifelong illness), and now this skin disorder that is making me look and feel nothing short of a giraffe or some other spotted animal.

I've decided that if it continues to spread, and ends up polluting my pretty face and neck, I'm going to tell people that I an undergoing tattoo therapy to turn my whole body deep purple one dot at a time. Then I'll be an original species, the only one of my color. Either that, or I'll tell people I'm an actress who landed a part playing a female Borg from the next Star Trek movie and it's just easier to stay in costume than to go through makeup every morning.

Could be worse, I could have a major disability, or the dreaded "C-word". **knock on wood** Wish me luck people. My career as a medical enigma continues to baffle and stun Doctors. Awesome.

Jules :'O(


SIMON said...

When you go through it list wise it's pretty horrendous agreed, however one day there will be nothing and you really won't know what to do!!
You were doing really well for the sympathy vote until you mentioned giraffes then I just lost it - sorry!! LOL!!
Remain enigmatic - it suits you!!

Hershey Desai said...

this probably didn't strike you earlier, but instead of all the dozens of tests, why not just go to a dermatologist?

After all, its a kind of rash, and dermatologists specialize in that stuff.

Could be a reaction to something you ate or drank...herbal supplements perhaps?
And, I'm very curious...what's the C word???
Considering the reference it was used in, I can't figure out the word and its going to drive me nuts all day.

Other than that, forget doctors(they are all idiots anyway), go visit the dermatologist. If they too have a "WTF" reaction, then we can consider getting worried

Pravin said...

u seem to be turning into a giraffe.

i remeber this movie called conehead in which the aliens had these amazing patterns on their body. I kinda found that nice.

listen to desai...he has a point..

go check it out ...its probably an allergy..

Shell said...

crossing fingers that it's nothing. don't let it get to you hon.

Jules said...

Si - what does enigmatic mean? here I come. it's one of those words I've heard a million times but never admitted to not knowing, till now. LOL

Hersh - the C word is so awful I can't even bring myself to say it, therefore I guess you'll never know. Think terminal illness starting with C. You're a smart cookie, you'll get it. Also, I wish I could have just gone to see a dermatologist, but here you need a referral for that.

Prav - It's candida. Again. :( Never underestimate the power of this stupid illness. I'll kick it's ass though.

Shell - Thanks sis.. I hate that I'm going through this yet AGAIN, but I'll manage, I hope.

Tys on Ice said...

thats a sweet name for a disease..kick its ass good..