Wednesday, October 26, 2011

well let's see if I can prove it right then.

LMAO! I always knew I was young at heart, but apparently I'm young minded as well. I was intrigued by what UrlAI would say about me after reading that it very laughably rated Tys as a female between the ages of 66 - 100 years old. So naturally, I decided to get my own blog analyzed. Here's what it said about my blog:

Text analysis

" is probably written by a female somewhere between 13-17 years old. The writing style is personal and happy most of the time."

HAHA!! Well, at least the part about the personal and happy most of the time is correct.

Incidentally, there are more bullshit stats on their page about my blog and they can be seen here, you know, just for "shits and giggles".

Now lets get down to business. I'm moving onto the personal part of this entry.... nipples.

Well, you know I've been itchy lately. I've come to think it's either an allergy or dry skin. But the point is that while I've managed to find ways of dealing with it in public, there's just those few places that are less acceptable to scratch while hundreds of eyes are on you (because my inflated ego lets believe that there are always that many eyes on me). As a result of this, I've literally had itchy nipps for the past two days off and on. I want to tell you something. An itch left unscratched just festers.

I tried doing the whole discrete rub up against something (or someone).. or just happen to let my hand brush across my nipp in a meek effort to control the problem, but those things just didn't suffice. You'd be surprised at how many odd looks I got at the mall today when I adjusted my boobs inside my bra, let alone if I'd have scratched it. Ya.. people stare at stuff like that, which was unfortunate because I wasn't even trying to draw attention this time.

So I tried ignoring it for the rest of the day, thinking that I'd probably caused some total pervs to have the need to jerk off tonight, which made me oddly uncomfortable (normally I'd be flattered, today I was just creeped out). And as I said, ignoring an itch gets you nowhere. So tonight when I changed into my tank top and released them out of their material prison, I just let loose on my nipples. I just stood there and scratched them. And I did it for like 2 or 3 minutes. Little scratches and larger scratches, harder ones, softer ones... I just had at it. It seems to have done the trick. They're no longer itchy, which is a major deal after fighting with it for 2 days.

So.. if only it was as acceptable to scratch a nipple in public as it is to scratch an arm or a leg, I'd have had immediate relief. I couldn't even have done it in the washroom, because the sighs and moans I couldn't help but let out would have made the women just as turned on as the perverted men. I was taking a chance in doing it in my own house, it felt that good to finally relieve that itch.

I think the moral of the story is that if you have an itch, scratch it.. or risk being as offensive as I probably have been in this blogpost.

And that, ladies and gentlemen is why I am placed into the 13 - 17 age category.

Jules ;OP

UPDATE: I just went back to re-read my stats and they already up'ed my age to 18 - 25. Really? After this nipple post? I gained in age after talking about my nipples? Unreal! Haha!!


SIMON said...

Dear Miss Teenage Scratch-it!!
Please resubmit your blog entry in the junior section!

For the record I don't think you went up in age because of nipples, more for 'jerk off'!!

Siddhartha Joshi said...

Hahahahahahahahahaha...your post made me laugh and laugh and laugh! It was absolutely hilarious, also because a movie was running in my head as I was reading it (needless to say it was extremely perverted, and unimaginably hilarious)...

You absolutely rock dear :)

The Grunt said...

Well, I've got to say that when my balls itch it is hell until I get to somewhere I can scratch them. So, I understand, with one exception: I'm pretty sure that ladies would not go home and masturbate to the image of me scratching my balls.

Tys on Ice said...

iam with grunt on this...itchy balls are far more of a bigger issue than itchy nipples...

but iam curious to who are the people you did that discreet rub against with?..

but thats my point, we cant do the same with itchy balls...

u shud really feel sorry for us men..

but heres a trick that might time the itch occurs, just talk to someone and keep addressing urself and for emphasis keep touching ur chest...

like : u talking to me? are you talking to me? I think you are talking to me.

Where ever you read me, touch your nipple.


Jules said...

si - No, no.. I was a teenager BEFORE I said nipples and jerk off. Those terms up'd me to the young adult section.

Sidds - LOL @ you Sidds. Your response to that was just as juvenile as me writing it! Haha! What movie were you thinking of?

Grunty - Wellllll... you never really know, do you? ;p

Tys - Excellent idea!! I totally could get away with that. I was brushing up against complete strangers, and then saying "Oh, scuse me..."

Siddhartha Joshi said...

The movie is a completely new production by me, you were the screenply writer while I directed it and handled the camera as well :) :)

Jules said...

LOL Sidds.. me as a screenplay writer.. that would be quite interesting!