Wednesday, November 30, 2011

back to the craft...

Thanan wanted to learn how to do some origami, so naturally, I said I'd love to teach him something. The only problem was that I'd long ago returned the origami books to the library, and origami is a bit like a language.. if you don't use it, you lose it.

Thanks to the net, I located a Christmas tree design that was simple enough for both him and I to do. I didn't have any traditional origami paper, nor did I have any really Christmas themed paper, but I think our Christmas trees turned out super well anyway!! We loved it so much we made 3 each, our own little Christmas forest. Surrounding it all with my collection of snowmen makes them seem more suitable for Christmas.

Thanan loved them so much he decided he wants to do them as a craft at his birthday party. So I think I'll go get some Christmas scrapbook paper. I'd buy Origami paper, but it just seems to come in those tiny squares. I'd rather have the flexibility to make something larger if I want.

So cute.

Jules :O)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

realizations... the deep side of Jules.. a rarity

What better way to spend a weekend than wrapped in love?

I got sick on Saturday though. Thor and I were walking through Walmart looking for gifts and all of a sudden I fell ill. I got flushed from head to toe, instantly nauseous, dizzy and almost blacked out. Suddenly I stopped and grabbed a hold of him and said "I'm not... feeling well" as I choked back the urge to heave and took a deep breath in hopes I wouldn't faint.

My dad, as wise as he is, told me once "It isn't love until you've both seen each other sick as dogs and you still want to be around them." It went something like that anyway.

Thor was totally doting and concerned and literally didn't take his eyes off me for the rest of the day and night. Tending to me like I was the only thing that mattered on earth. "I'm not leaving tomorrow if you're still sick... I just am NOT leaving you like this." He cooked for me, catered to me, wrapped me up in a blanket and rubbed my feet.. all the while watching me to make sure I wasn't getting worse. He never left my side. I'll never forget him sitting on the floor at the side of the couch just to be nearer to me and catch me if I should fall, his stunning eyes looking up at me with deep concern.

.... Even when I had become near to death with my bleeding lung issues, back in the day of the ex, I was not doted on. I was not made to feel like I was the most important thing on the planet once I was home and recuperating. I had nearly died.. no exaggeration.. twice. And I wasn't given this kind of attention once I was home. Maybe the ex didn't know how to express it, or maybe he just didn't want to.

I really can't get over the wonderfulness that is Thor.

He must really love me.

It's difficult for me to accept that I am THAT important to a person. My whole married life I spent begging for attention, married but alone, always in competition with "the games". Asking for a companion that just didn't see me.. who pushed me away and created a distance between us that would span the earth 4 times over. It conditioned me to the idea that men don't value women and that they don't think they are important enough to spend time with, have fun with, adore... They are just people who cook and clean, give a blow job every now and then, and provide men with babies. This is how I felt about my marriage, despite how many times I'd try and pull his attention away from gaming and back into the real world. I had been conditioned like this for all of my married years. I didn't feel important in that relationship. But I was a kid when it all started, really. What did I know.

So on the weekends that I spend with Thor, where I catch him looking at me in adoration, where I hear his love when he speaks to me, where he wants to get out and do things with me and my family, where it's evident that he longs for me and lusts after me, where he expresses how lucky he is that I'm in his life... it really takes me aback. But in the best way possible.

I'm in training. Although I think we all are always in "relationship training". Training to know how a real healthy relationship works and what it looks and feels like. I think I do a good job of offering love and respect, and I'm starting to understand what it's like to receive it as well. It's different. But the more I feel it and experience it, the more I want of it.

I'm starting to be uncomfortable now with that "distance" my ex taught me was the reality. I'm really starting to crave togetherness. More and more of my time is spent fantasizing about being together than accepting that we have to be apart. It feels a little bit scary sometimes, devoting myself to another man... one who treats me just right... thinking long term commitment and wondering if it will all be a better life.

But with Thor, I know .. I KNOW that it would be a wonderful life. Not just a better one, but a really superb one.

My dreams have been telling me to trust in relationships again, to accept the love and live for that and I'm ready now.

So what's next?

Jules :Oj

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Rated R for sexual content

Seriously?

I came home today to my voice mail light flashing on my phone. So I dialed in and went to retrieve the message laying in wait and here's what I got... no word of a lie, this is the message that was left for me:

"...Pussy Dahling... I wanna lick your PUSSY... I wana fuck you.. MWAH" in some distant accent.

So naturally I listened to it again to make sure I wasn't hearing things and sure enough, that's what it says. You can hear other people talking in the background, as if it's at a telemarketing place of some sort.

Here I am thinking that this employee is totally on the verge of LOSING IT COMPLETELY and that he's just asking to be fired! Imagine if someone overheard him leaving that message? Someone of authority? He wouldn't even say anything. He'd just hand the guy a box and point to the door.

I wonder what the conversation would have gone like had I been home to answer the phone...
---------------------------------
Me: Hello?

Him: Hi Ma'am...

Me: Hello stranger from a long distance away...

Him: I uhhh.. I am calling.... to.. uhhh...

Me: Is something wrong? What can I do for you?

Him: Soooo sorry Lady... you're voice is so distractingly beautiful that I am having a hard time to overcome this boner I am producing in my pants currently and I've forgotten why I've called...
---------------------------------

Like really. If my happy voice mail message is THAT much of a turn on that you start to salivate and get a boner just from listening to me say leave a message, there's something seriously lacking in your life, Mr. Telemarketer.

The number that shows up on my phone is 000-000-0000, by the way. So I can't even trace it.

Strange?

Funny thing is that I don't find it all that insulting. I think it's more comedic than anything else! I think I'll have Thor listen to it when he gets here tonight and we'll have a good chuckle. LOL

Jules :Op

Monday, November 21, 2011

that's something to write home about...

Do you ever just feel like being totally and completely open on your blog without having to worry about censoring yourself for fear of who will read it or what people will say?

Sometime I want to just write a sex story and publish it on here. I've written them before, just as an outlet for pent up *energy*, but of course I've never put them on here. My uncle reads my blog, I am told. LOL

I just composed one very recently. It was really hot. I bet it could have been published in a sex magazine. Could you imagine something I've written being published in a magazine for millions of people to get off on? Hahahaha... That'd be cool.

Oops. Apparently I've lost my head and probably should begin censorship right now.

Jules :OD


Friday, November 18, 2011

Meh.

Genuine excitement.

It sort of eludes me.

I smile and laugh quite a bit in my life. I get very happy when I see someone I haven't seen in a while who warms my heart. I am enthusiastic enough when I need to be about something.

But genuine excitement... for some reason that's a rarity for me.

My sis called me up the other night and was beside herself with enthusiasm and excitement (literally) because she found out the IIFA's will be in Vancouver in 2013 and she called to tell me my June 2013 is considered booked. Now considering the amount of fun I had at the IIFA's in Toronto this year, you would think I'd also be massively stoked about this news. But I was moderately happy about it instead.

My son is doing sooo well in school this year. He's gotten 100% on 3 of his tests so far and one 90%. This surely would be something you'd think I'd be overly enthusiastic and completely beaming with pride about. While I am really pleased with him, and obviously very proud, I am not all like wanting to shout it from the rooftops or anything. I didn't even call the "grand 'rents" to tell them. Hell, I didn't even call his dad to let him know. I do make a huge deal of it to him, and I sound excited and impressed when I do it so he feels great about his accomplishments, but inside I'm not as emotive as I express on the outside.

I guess I was thrilled with seeing Ra.One. But was I genuinely thrilled? Or was I just playing the part that was expected of me? How does one decipher the code?

Let's see.
  • Having an easy bowel movement makes me happy, but doesn't excite me.
  • Losing a pound makes me feel justified in all my hard work, but doesn't create an abundance of enthusiasm.
  • Helping someone makes me feel quite good inside, but I'm not bouncing out the door with joy once we've parted ways.
  • Seeing my boyf makes my heart skip and my stomach flitter, and maybe that's about as close to genuine excitement as I get.
What am I missing in my life? Why am I not excited about it? Happy moments are good. Fun times make life go by faster. Exploring new things and new places makes life interesting. There are rewards to learning things, making new discoveries and accomplishments. But essentially, I don't feel like there's anything to be all that excited about.

Maybe I was born without an "excited" button.

I'd love to have something in my life to be 100% completely overjoyed about again. It's been too long since I've felt that way.

Jules :O(

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

a little girl, I once was... full of innocence and love.

A childhood story. That's what the request was. Little did they know that for some reason, where my childhood memories should be exists this giant black void with only little snippets of times shared and things done.

I could talk about my personality. But honestly, I was outgoing, fun, friendly, popular, pretty, active and flirty. Nothing's really changed there.

How about this one. When I was in grade 4 I spent every other night at my mom's feet in the livingroom. The tv would be on or the radio would be playing and I'd be fresh out of the bath. I'd have on my housecoat overtop of my jammies and I'd be holding a handful of pony tail holders. She'd just sit there, talking to me about my day, dividing my hair into sections to braid so that I could sleep with about a dozen wet braids and wake up with pretty long kinked hair in the mornings. Mother-Daughter time doesn't get much better than that.

Or there were the times when we'd go visit my mom's best friend and she and Murielle would sit there in the kitchen and play guitar and I would sit on the floor and sing "The Rose", or "Fraulein" as they played while the moon shone over us. I guess I just picked up the lyrics from listening to the on tape or from my mom teaching them to me with the melodies. I still love to sing today.. though with various things having happened to my lungs and my throat, I don't really have the ability to sing like I used to.

Or how about when I was a kid, my parents were divorced and I recall countless numbers of trips my father would make from Vegreville to Athabasca or Lacombe to pick us up. The countless trips meant countless conversations with my sister and my dad in the vehicle on the way back to his house and on the way home. We'd talk about boys alot. We talked about drugs and other peer pressures. Dad said to me "I don't care if you want to try drugs, but you have to do me one favor first. Before you try anything at all, I want you to read the book "Go Ask Alice" and then you can decide whether drugs are something you want to try or not." I read that book and I never touched a drug. Still haven't to this day (aside from alcohol). When I read it, I didn't know it was fiction. The writing seemed real and probable. So I learned from it.

You know... I might have come from a "broken home" but I sure felt loved and I never felt like I was broken at all.

Maybe some other time I'll tell you the sorts of shenanigans I got myself into sneaking out late at night. Or maybe not. My mom reads my blog from time to time. ;p

Jules :Oj

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

tell me

I dunno.

You tell me what to write about next.

Give me a topic. I'll see what I can do.

Jules :O?

Monday, November 14, 2011

nice try, 'scope writers

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Indulge your sensual nature today. This part of your being doesn't get expressed regularly. Go for a long walk with someone you love. Light some candles in your bedroom or take a leisurely hot bath. Tastes and smells are extra potent for you now. Enjoy a romantic dinner for two. Don't get so caught up in the intellectual aspect of things that you forget about the sensuous side of life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok.. first of all.. BWAHAHAHAHA! My sensual side doesn't get expressed regularly? Eff sakes. That couldn't be more wrong. It doesn't get INDULGED with a partner as regularly as I'd like, but it sure does get EXPRESSED (and *singular indulgence* occurs probably too often).

I'm not going for a long walk tonight. The temperature is fine but the windchill is -1000.

I think I have either a cold or the flu coming on and I spent most of the day nauseous. So taste and smell are insignificant to me today. My stomach has been gurgling and outrightly growling at me viciously all day non-stop. I don't know if it's requesting food or telling me to stay away from it.

How do I enjoy a romantic dinner for two if my boyf lives in a different country?

I don't think I've ever been accused of being more intellectual than sensual.. although I can hold my own in certain conversations that aren't sex related as well... believe it or not.

The only point I won't dispute in today's horoscope is the leisurely hot bath. That's exactly where I'm heading right as soon as I hit the publish button.

Funny how sometimes horoscopes can be exactly right, and then other times they couldn't be more laughable.

Jules :Oj


Sunday, November 13, 2011

The story of Spunky

Thor gave me this stuffed animal mountain goat the first time we spent together after a wonderful day at West Glacier National Park. The last stop before heading back to Flathead Lake that day took us to the Lake MacDonald Lodge (I think that's what it's called) and he just couldn't resist buying it for me. What a sweet gesture, I thought then. I decided to name him Spunky.

Since then, Spunky has come with me wherever I've traveled. You'd be surprised what a good travelling companion a stuffed animal can be. They don't require food or pee breaks, and they don't talk your ear off.. yet they provide you with an outlet to talk out loud and not feel completely insane for talking to yourself.

Most recently, Spunky joined me at the Rosslyn Inn & Suites on the trip to Edmonton to see Ra.One. He guarded my bed and waited patiently for me to come back. I'd have taken him with me to the theater but I didn't want him to get jealous of me drooling over Shah on the big screen.


Last summer Spunky came with Thor and I on our camping trip through Washington, Idaho and Montana. Here he is sleeping in late, reading a book and guarding my watch while Thor and I have gone off kayaking.

Spunky really is a bed goat. He's a bit lazy and loves to play in the covers after everyone else has gotten out of bed in the morning. Here he is in the camper again, refusing to make the bed until he'd had his morning cup of coffee.


This one was taken at the Village Country Inn in Radium Hot Springs where we like to stay when we go there. He really made good friends with this bird. Between the two of them, they kept us up all night chattering away.


I've taken Spunky to Montreal, Toronto, and all the places I've gone this year. Spokane, Missoula, Flathead Lake, various camping locations in the States, all the places around Alberta. He's seen lots and been great company. He's really reassuring and comforting after those super hard departures too. I haven't gotten to the point where I tote him around in my purse. I won't ever be that strange. But he does keep me company and act as a good guard goat. I even sleep with him. I took this one photo (which I can't find) with him stuck in my cleavage as I was falling asleep one night. I can't seem to locate that photo though.

The last time we were at Radium, Spunky worked up the nerve to ask this little beauty out. They spent the whole night together on the shelf. I can't blame him. She's awfully pretty, and obviously good at saving money, a very desirable trait in a partner. Smart goat.


Anyway. That's something you didn't know about me. Think I'm totally weird now?

Jules :O)

Friday, November 11, 2011

25 things

5 likes:
  • Health and fitness
  • Love and acceptance
  • Family and loved ones
  • Feeling sexy, desirable and needed
  • Interpersonal energies
5 dislikes:
  • Late people and being late
  • Popcorn kernels stuck in my gums
  • Sandpaper skin
  • People who think they're better than everyone else
  • Gaming (online, computer, game console)
5 oddities about me:
  • I always have my toenails polished but painting my fingernails makes me feel claustrophobic
  • If given the choice, and weather permits, I'd choose eating outside on a picnic blanket any day
  • I am capable of feeling totally fulfilled and completely empty at the same moment in time
  • I am an emotional absorber.. I adopt how other people feel whether I want to or not
  • Everyday I have to suppress multiple urges to do or say inappropriate things with people I know and with strangers
5 things I wish:
  • To be in the arms of my lover every night
  • For people to be more accepting, open minded and non-judgemental
  • To raise a well rounded son
  • For more sugar free snack foods
  • That I could make more people happy
5 things I like to do:
  • Enjoy outdoor activities - biking hiking walking running gardening visiting :)
  • Sleep and dream
  • Talk dirty and make love
  • Be clean
  • Get filthy in the yard or garden

So there you go. Now you know some more things about me.

Still like me?

Jules :O?

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Random summer pics

This post has no rhyme, reason or order. It's just some random photos from the summer. All of them taken during some "fun family time" here or there.

A view from the top of Wildhorse Island looking down to see one of the sailboats racing on Flathead Lake can be seen here...

Some Coca-Cola spilled on my trusty car trunk blanket here...

I had a really cool morning coffee in this bus turned coffee place with a good friend here...

I thoroughly enjoyed a spontaneous trip to the lake with my son, I'm watching him here...

5 minutes before a storm, the lighting at this pond near my house was really intriguing.. the geese look like they're floating here...

A rainbow of colors on this massively tall slide at the carnival when it came to the city.. the view from the top here...

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Eager Anticipation

In less than 2 days I will be sitting in a big theatre watching the 3D version of Ra.One!!!!! OMG. I am just so excited to experience this. I love action movies, I love Hindi film... I love many of the actors... EEEEEEK!!! And in 3D?!!? Wow. WOW!

Here's the official website. Weeeee! I can't wait for Saturday!

Jules :OD

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

hug me.

I AM LONELY.

Out of all my waking hours today (16.5), I spent 5 tiny little hours with people, and they were all spread out. I only got to see my son for 3.5 hours today (spread out thin). Other people's kids for 1 hour. My sister for an hour (which you would think makes 5.5 hours, but you're wrong, some of that overlapped). Tried to get together with my mom, she was busy. Almost hooked up with a girlfriend, but then she was pulled away.

This is my normal. Most of you are blessed to be around people at work all day, and usually there's at least one person you enjoy in your workplace. I spend most of my days alone or having short visits with people here and there. Then I am trapped inside my home from 8pm till I go to bed... can't socialize properly with people then.

I crave physical contact with people. Talking on the phone, or through chat or texting... it's all ok and it sometimes does the trick.. but what I really need are face to face visits. Face to face companionship on a daily basis.

I need my best friend here to hang around with all the time for support, friendship, soulful love and physical love.

Shitty thing is that my needs cannot be met.

I'd settle for someone to catch a movie with or have coffee with on an evening when I'm alone.. and lonely.. but only if it's not a scary movie and only if it's decaf.

Guess that's it. Just figured that sometimes it helps to write stuff like this down and press publish.. get my feelings out there.

Reproduction

"I have a problem, Jules... my silverware is reproducing", she said to me the other day when I was at my girlfriend's house.

Her dad gave her a complete set of 8.
8 knives
8 forks (I can't recall if there were big and little forks)
8 small spoons
8 big spoons

Now suddenly, she is missing several, but has gained several others. I think she said that her last count of little spoons was 10. I can understand some going missing. They have been known to hitchhike to beaches, picnic areas, private getaways, etc. but how do you explain having 10 of the exact same little spoon in your silverware set if not for "dinnerware copulation"?

What DO those little things do behind closed drawers?

What copulates with what? Is it cool for a fork to mingle with a knife? Can big spoons and little spoons make out, or is that considered pedophilia?

I guess I should go see what's going on in my own silverware drawer. It's kind of creepy if you ask me.

Jules :Oj