Wednesday, November 02, 2011

hug me.

I AM LONELY.

Out of all my waking hours today (16.5), I spent 5 tiny little hours with people, and they were all spread out. I only got to see my son for 3.5 hours today (spread out thin). Other people's kids for 1 hour. My sister for an hour (which you would think makes 5.5 hours, but you're wrong, some of that overlapped). Tried to get together with my mom, she was busy. Almost hooked up with a girlfriend, but then she was pulled away.

This is my normal. Most of you are blessed to be around people at work all day, and usually there's at least one person you enjoy in your workplace. I spend most of my days alone or having short visits with people here and there. Then I am trapped inside my home from 8pm till I go to bed... can't socialize properly with people then.

I crave physical contact with people. Talking on the phone, or through chat or texting... it's all ok and it sometimes does the trick.. but what I really need are face to face visits. Face to face companionship on a daily basis.

I need my best friend here to hang around with all the time for support, friendship, soulful love and physical love.

Shitty thing is that my needs cannot be met.

I'd settle for someone to catch a movie with or have coffee with on an evening when I'm alone.. and lonely.. but only if it's not a scary movie and only if it's decaf.

Guess that's it. Just figured that sometimes it helps to write stuff like this down and press publish.. get my feelings out there.

8 comments:

The Grunt said...

It is good to vent your frustrations on your blog. I, believe it or not, hold back a lot and I think that I end up paying for it. There's a part of me that feels that my cancer was a metaphor of how I was living my life--I let the toxic and vile aspects of life get in and did not expel them, which led to destruction. I'm still working on expressing myself. It isn't easy to do when I'm not typing. Loneliness isn't fun, either. I don't need constant attention, but I need to know that there is somebody there for me. I get ya.

SIMON said...

Yeah put your feelings out there Jules you may be surprised how many people share, empathise and sympathise. Doesn't help I know but you are not alone - feeling that way.

Tys on Ice said...

its weird...i am alone most of the time...my job requires me to be on the road a lot..all the people i meet are in the line of my work..its all professional...i hardly ever make friends ...never saw the need to..i do my work well and they seem to be happy enuf with that to keep me for the job..i get home and head for the gym...iam back late, have dinner and sleep...i hardly meet people...

but i dont feel lonely...only when i miss my wife and kids...tht normally hits me when iam in bed...

yeah...its a shitty feeling

Santosh Kumar said...

HUG.

Feeling loneliness is bad thing rather than being lonely. Engage yourself with something creative, start learning something new, you may develop your hobby too.

The Grunt said...

Hey, a weird thing happened to me this morning. I turned on one of the cell phones of mine (the one that I use for calls other than work or T-Mobile) and it wanted to hug me. I just wanted to let you know, Jules, that I gave that cell phone a hug back.

Jules said...

Grunty - Sometimes I think that if I get too serious about stuff on here, nobody will come back to read it! Wow, that's a very sobering metaphor. But yes, feelings that are bottled up can become and often do become as toxic as anything else. I've known you for 5 years now, I'll never be going anywhere.. always here for those hugs... and.. thank you. You really should check that phone more often if there are hugs waiting on it for you!

Si - I think it's sad that you're probably right about that... It makes me sad that people are lonely just like me.

Tys - I am the master at keeping myself occupied so that my days go by, but it's between 8pm and midnight when I go to sleep that I really get down because I'm just stuck in the house while the boys sleep.. all alone until Thor calls me and we get to talk. It's too much alone time and it does suck.

Santosh - Thank you for the hug. Your idea to pick up a new hobby might be worth looking into. My horoscope is always telling me to tap into my creative energies as well. Maybe it's time to listen to them. I wrote a series of children's books. Maybe I need to attempt illustrating them and then publish them.

don said...

big hug

Jules said...

Best hug of all, Don.. :* 20days.