Saturday, January 28, 2012

Saturday morning laziness.. ahhhh.

It's a morning of shadow boxing with Thanan, texting with Thor as he prepares for a day of ski racing, talking to mom on the phone, chatting with Shell in gtalk, lounging around in jammies until 10am and drinking my favorite french vanilla beans, black of course.

The weather is dreary and snowy, but that won't keep us inside all day. I'm gonna take the boys to the mall and then to my sister's and then to a movie later in the day. Should be a nice day.

I'm starting to feel a bit better.. emotionally and physically.

Shout out to all you lurkers out there! Hollaaaa!

Jules :O)

Thursday, January 26, 2012

birds

While out skating last weekend with Thor, I stopped several times to enjoy the what is normally spring-like sounds of these birds. It has been a very warm winter here, aside from maybe 10 days altogether, so maybe they're confused. Or maybe I just don't know anything about the birds that winter here. That's a likely scenario, actually. In any case, here they are. 


At one of the protected parks in the city, they have this large bird sanctuary look out thing. We didn't see any birds to speak of at this location, but it looked cool to peek through the holes and see the landscape nonetheless.

Jules :Oj

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

young mind, old body... such is my life.

My body since about November hasn't been all that healthy. I had a salivary glad infection, and a quite uncomfortable flu bug to contend with. In and amongst all of that, and surrounding the symptoms of those things, I've also had a few underlying and recurring symptoms of illness. But I sort of assumed they were just all connected and that I was dealing with a lingering bug or bugs. I've felt very near passing out a couple of times since November, shortness of breath, all over heat, racing heart, lightheaded and dizzy on and off, and quite a bit of fatigue.

The past couple of days though, I've woken up with a shooting pain in and behind my right eye, as well as a massive right brain headache that is untouchable by conventional methods of pain relief combined with intolerable ear aches along with those other symptoms. So I figured I should probably go in and see a doctor. Thankfully here we have fairly quick access to them. So I went to the Walk In Clinic that I frequent and saw Dr. Stern. He's somewhat new at that clinic. I recollect seeing him one other time.

He examined me and discussed with me thoroughly that he believes these current issues are the result of a fairly strong sinus infection and is treating me with a medicated nasal spray as well as an antihistamine in an effort to clear them and my eustachian tubes.  I'm hopeful that works. He mentioned that I might be experiencing anxiety, hence the dizziness, raciness and heat. Awesome. Panic attacks. I haven't had to deal with them for at least 8 or 9 years. But since it was him bringing it up and not me mentioning it at all... there might be something to it.

Then he decided that I should have my thyroid checked in detail again via an ultrasound (my goiter isn't much if any bigger than it normally is, but perhaps.. it's causing me a bit of issue with swallowing lately) and have my bloodwork all done again, including my sugar levels. He's leaning toward the thyroid being the root of some of the other issues, so he's wanting to be quite thorough. So tomorrow I'll go do the bloodwork and 3 days later I'll have some results.

The funny part...
As he was checking off boxes for the bloodwork he said he'd test a whole bunch of things, and then paused, looked at me up and down and said... "I'm thinking we might as well test your... wait.. no... how old are you? About 25 - 27.. let me see on your chart."  And I let out this little giggle and said I was 35. He responded with "Noooo way... I never would have thought that. There's no way you look like you're in your 30's!  But since you are, we're going to go ahead and check your cholesterol levels too since we're at it." (He obviously didn't notice all my wrinkles and white hair).

I laughed again, told him he was officially my new favorite Doctor, and told him ok and that I'd fast for my 12 hours tonight and do the bloods in the morning. He insisted on me seeing him again for the results because he didn't want my files to just get lost in the system and when I went to thank him with a handshake and a "Thanks so much Doctor.. Stern.. is it?", he shook my hand back and said "Yes but please.. call me Donovan. I'll see you in a few days."

Hahaha. Is it just me or was that whole exchange a little bit funny?

Well, wish me luck with the whole thing. I'd like to be better soon. I'm pretty much tired of walking around on the verge of passing out and with daggers in my ears and eyes, surrounded by fog. It's probably not all that safe.

Jules :O/

Monday, January 23, 2012

feeling blah, but I'll post anyway

Another wonderful weekend. With Thor, it never disappoints. He's really an amazing man, and I'm really sooo lucky. But I'm feeling down right now cuz he had to go home. :(

We went skating again while he was here. The weather was gorgeous and there was no reason to stay indoors. I didn't realize what a great lower body workout the skating was until this morning when I noticed that my butt felt tighter. I love exercise that doesn't seem like a grueling workout and makes you feel it the next day. It's awesome. It's hard to believe how quickly time flies, too. 2 hours went by just like that. But then again, the whole weekend flew by. Wouldn't it be awesome if all you had to do was 2 hours of exercise per muscle group to have it snap back into prime shape again? Imagine what a toned world it would be then. There'd be no excuse to be overweight. Maybe scientists should take a look at that and see what they can come up with.

We got a little bit of snow and the temps warmed back up here. Maybe tomorrow I'll think about seeing if I can get out for a nordic ski.

Well... there's really not much else to write. I received my cat's ashes and some cards, along with his paw print. Thor was with me when I opened them up and I felt a whole lot stronger because of that. So I think I'm coming to terms with that whole loss now. So ya. That's good.

Boring post. I'll say bye for now.

Jules :OI


Friday, January 20, 2012

Love

"It's ok if you can't make it. The weather is being stupid. I wouldn't want you to risk your life by driving in a storm. Really, I'd understand completely if you can't come up."

"I know, but you need me there right now, so I'm planning on coming, despite the snow event happening here...."

I'm not sure if you can show being in love more than facing treacherous driving conditions at your own will just so that you can soothe your girlfriend who lives 10 hours away. I mean... to me... that says everything.

Jules :O*

Monday, January 16, 2012

Get real, life.

Sometimes it's just too hard. Life. Sometimes it seems so f*cking hard that you feel like you just can't even go on. That the only way to make it through the day is to close your eyes and try to sleep. It's too much to ask for just a single day without an incident of some kind.

The loss of my cat has profoundly struck me. Hard, like mourning for a person. But yesterday when I felt the tears coming, I just swallowed hard and tried to focus on something else. Thor bought me a heart locket for Christmas. I find that if I touch it, I feel better. So I'm always reaching for that lately, it seems. It's easy enough to distract yourself, unless the tv throws programs at you out of nowhere like it did tonight. Eating supper, news was on, tasting the food, enjoying the moment and suddenly the news switches to the "consumer report" segment. The segment: How owning a pet can add up to such high vet bills that often times owners have to put them down rather than fix their problems. 5 minutes of the cost of owning a pet. A dog will cost you $15000 over it's lifetime, and a cat will cost you $12000, even though they live longer. That's just for the vet bills alone, not including food and shelter, toys, etc.

I'm not even kidding. I spent just over $1000 on Manny last week. And then they wanted another $1000 to fix his emergency situation. If I'd have done that, he still would have died of kidney disease, pancreatic disease or most likely liver disease, because all 3 were present in early to moderate stages.

Why didn't I just change the channel? I was stuck. Couldn't move. Could barely even breathe. And to add insult to injury... the cat they started the segment off with... an all black cat. A Manny twin.

Also today, I was dealing with a carbon monoxide detector gone rogue. It woke me up at 6:30am, but not with a CO or fire warning at all. Just with an annoying beep that "chirped" once every minute or so. That high pitched piercing beep that is enough to drive anyone insane in a matter of minutes. Well, I could stand it and even appreciate it if it was really alerting me to anything. I unplugged it from the wiring of the house and it still chirped. Battery backup. Ok. I'm thinking, just get the kids off to their school and program and then come home and deal with it. I get home, it's still beeping intermittently. I read the manual top to bottom online. The beeping doesn't quite match anything they're describing. I blow into it so as to clean it's sensors, and then press the test button. It seems to be working properly. I decide my only action aside from a call to the appropriate electrical people, is to stick a new battery in it, even though it wasn't alerting me to that issue. I tested it again with the new battery, and it stopped beeping at me. Thank F*CK. So I plugged it back into the wall. It communicated with all the smoke detectors, they did a little echoing party of shrieking blips and once they were happy with each other the whole process came to an end, about 3 minutes later. Now it's sitting where it belongs and it's got a green light and I haven't heard from it all night. I hope to God that it doesn't wake me up again because of a "nothing event". If I've got a CO problem, be effing clear about it and have the thing tell me "carbon monoxide" like it's supposed to do. Just in case it goes off, though, I bought a free standing one that isn't connected to the house wiring at all. It's got fresh batteries and I tested it to make sure it works too. So if IT goes off, I'll know I'll need to leave the house and get the furnace and hot water guys to come in and locate the problem. It hasn't detected anything and it's been operating since 11:30am. So I believe we're all fine.

Anyway. Tomorrow, I hope that despite the VERY bone chilling cold temps, I'll have a good day. No tears. No stress. No malfunctions. Just one day. That sure would be nice.

Jules :O/

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Manchester 1998 - 2012

He's not here anymore to welcome me when I come home, tail jigging and a happy meow to say "Mommy!! I missed you today!"

He's not here to play with and get feisty with and play paper ball soccer with.

He's not here to rub against my legs and sleep on my feet.

He's not here to gaze into my eyes when I'm feeling lonely or lick my fingers when he knows I'm feeling sick.

He's not here to sit beneath my chair and keep me company when there's no-one else around.

He's not here to lick the bath water from my fingertips or visit me when I'm using the washroom.

He's not here to feel his warm fur on my skin and listen to his loud and soothing purrrr.

He's not here to sleep outside Thanan's door so that he can collect fresh morning hugs and kisses from a little boy who adored him.

He's not here to sit on the stairs and see us off every time we had to leave the house, and be a big strong guard kitty while we were away.

He's not here to be the official house greeter to any and all who stopped in for a visit.

He's just not here anymore. In body, anyway.

He'll never leave in memory. He'll never be gone from our hearts. I'll always have photos of him and of our time together.

We had a couple of very nice and extremely caring and bonding moments in his last days. As if to say "You are my everything, Mommy... you've loved me and taken the best care of me that you could have, and I love you."

I rescued Manchester from an animal shelter. Just me... I went there and thought I'd adopt a different kitten that I'd rescued a few days prior but when I got there to adopt that one, it was gone, and Manny jumped into my arms. I remember the day I brought him home. Just a kitten. Energetic, super friendly, the loudest purr I had ever heard. He was the light of the family with such a great personality. Outgoing, but warm... always looking for a cuddle or to play. He'd sit on my chest and massage my throat and collarbone or arms. He'd lick my hair and my cheeks. Really he didn't care what he was doing, as long as he was with me. He'd welcome me home if ever I was away, but he'd be sure to let me know he was mad that I was gone too.

I only have one regret with Manny and that's that I wish I'd have let him up on the couch more. Especially lately. Had I known our days together were nearing the end, I never would have let him out of arms reach. He got to do it a few times whenever Thor was here. And I know he loved that. I teased Thor about creating bad habits, but really I always found it so endearing.

The love a pet and his owner share is totally unconditional and completely bonding and rewarding. It involves a mutual understanding of one another, on unspoken terms... yet somehow it's always completely understood. It is the partnership of all partnerships, the friendship of all friendships. It is never demanding, and not taken for granted. It is rock solid, even when you're feeling at your worst.

Manny was always here for me, for 14 years. Irreplaceable.

Manny had to leave us today at 2:50pm, January 12, 2012 due to complications of a urinary tract blockage and fatty liver.

Manny.... we will miss you.


 Rest Peacefully, Manchester. I'll see you again someday.

Love Mommy xoxo

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Manny. My Cat of 14 Years.

December 26th, I come home.. I notice Manny hasn't eaten hardly any food over the weekend while I was gone. It looks like he's had water, but barely any food's been eaten. I figure he's just protesting because I left him home alone for 2 days.

Dec 28 - Jan 3, He still seems playful and energetic enough.. but all he does is come and nibble at his food on rare occasion. Thor and I try a can of wet cat food, he eats it a couple of tablespoons overnight.

Jan 4, I try a new type of cat food for him, in a separate dish. He takes just a couple of bites, all day and all night. I set out more canned food, he refuses it.

Jan 5, I have known now for about a week that this is turning dire and that I shall take him to the vet. Tomorrow will be a good day because both the boys will be gone.

Jan 6, I take Manny to the Vet Hospital. They look at his teeth and tell me it will be 3 or more extractions. He undergoes a full blood work analysis and things are coming up with almost no issues. Some very beginning stages of kidney distress. The vet report calls him "anorexic" and the doctor says she thinks his teeth are likely the problem and that we need to act on that immediately.

Jan 7 - 8, Manny is lovey, purring, seems happy, but hasn't touched any food now since late Jan 5th. Over the 2 weeks, he's losing weight fast. He has lost a kilo. He used to be overweight, so it's not making him look too skinny. But his coat is full of dandruff now and he's also lost interest in grooming. Need to get him a better brush.. one that will get the dander off.

Jan 9, Manny goes to a different Vet Clinic.. an affordable one.. and has 4 teeth extracted, an IV treatment, the rest of his teeth polished, his back claws clipped and a skin tag removed from his back.  He's awake and ready to come home at 2:30pm. He's totally stoned and all he wants to do is sit in his litter box. No eating or drinking. The vet insists that I give him an appetite stimulant. I am hopeful that it works and that the numerous types of cat food I've left out overnight will at least show some signs of being eaten.


Jan 10, I wake up to Manny laying in the hallway, in front of Thanan's door. No food has been eaten. I check the litter box.. there were 2 spots of pee. Good.. kidney's are still functioning. I give his round of meds and a few syringes of water. He throws his head into my arm and weeps. Cat tears. I am feeling really really low. The vet assistant warns that I shouldn't keep giving the antibiotic on an empty stomach because a cat will develop a "fatty liver". I don't know what that means. He continues not to eat. I go out, and return home at 1pm. Manny is laying in bed. Doesn't greet me. I bought a bunch of food from the store, things the vet, Thor, and other friends have suggested I try with him. I decide to try milk mixed with chicken baby food. He sniffs it and turns away. I fill the syringe after wrapping him in a blanket and holding him close to me. He tucks his head into my neck and stops purring. I manage to give 10mL of this mixture over the course of the hour until suddenly he lets out a very loud howl and tells me to let him go urgently. He returns to his litter box. He's more affectionate with me than yesterday and lets me touch and pick him up. I think he knows I'm trying to help. If only he would just eat. I feel like I'm watching my cat give up. Like he's just going to starve to death. I'm trying all different things. I can't make him interested in food again. I dissolve an appetite stimulant in water and administer it via syringe. Not sure where tonight will lead. I'll try and feed him again later, before I go to bed.

It's a very painful and difficult thing to think about losing a pet that's been with you for 14 years. He's my little baby. I pray that he starts to eat. That's all he needs is to eat.

Jules :'O(

Sunday, January 08, 2012

Something new, overcoming fears

Always stopping me was the "intimidation factor", I like to call it. The uncertainty felt when you want to try something new but you're not sure whether you're capable of it or not, have the endurance to see it through, wondering whether you'll look stupid and what other people will think of you if you get it wrong.

I've wondered about it for at least a year. Longer, I think. Possibly almost 2 years and today I finally took the step to go try it. They were offering a free class. Come see if you like it.

Bikram Hot Yoga.

What an awesome and enlightening experience it was. Everything was accepting, calming, soothing, challenging, and cleansing. The people were welcoming and encouraging. They call them "Yogis". I guess I might be on my way to becoming a Yogi, because I loved the whole challenge of it all and felt so lifted and soothed and proud of myself for completing the challenge once I was done that I signed up for their 2 week unlimited package. $20 gets me what I figure will be 9 sessions. That's a tremendous savings. It's 9 for the price of 1. I'd say 10 sessions, and I'd go Monday thru Friday for the next two weeks, but tomorrow I have a previous engagement with my cat and the vet at 9:00 and I hope to speak to SSD after that. So in 9 sessions, I will decide whether I will remain a Yogi or not.

Sweat. The sweat is INSANE. It literally just pours out of your body and puddles on the mat. You go into this long rectangular room and are literally just an elbow's distance from your fellow Yogi's mat. The room is kept at +40C, I believe. It's hot and humid. There are ceiling fans, but they barely even touch you. You're instructed to lay on your back and breathe until class begins.

3 Breathing exercises, and a collective drink of water. Silence. Nothing but the sound of breathing and the instructor's encouraging words to make you reach and stretch to your maximum ability. Standing poses are the first 40 minutes after breathing. It requires absolute dedication and concentration, and the use of your entire body. It's amazing. A 2 minute break, then all floor poses. You'd think that it'd be easier laying down, but it's just as challenging. Thankfully there's a "dead pose" in between each for about 30 seconds to gather yourself and ready for the next pose. Drink water by sips only, in between poses if you must. Sit and breathe if you feel dizzy. Do only what you can.

Nobody cared that I couldn't hold all the poses for the required amount of time. It's very difficult. And your entire body is covered in its own salty water. It makes it nearly impossible to keep a hold of the ankles, feet.. even the hands are sweaty.

At the end, the lights go off and you stay in the room until you're ready to move. A refreshing shower and people sitting in the common area, smiling... a collective of individuals of all ability levels, all pleased with themselves for making it through. Only one woman walked out, after about 70 minutes of the 90 minute routine.

"Hi, I'm Sabrina... maybe I'll see you again here?"
I say: "Yes! I'm going to buy the 2 weeks, and come to the morning class, it's the only one that works with my schedule. It's nice to meet you!"
"Was this your first time doing yoga?", Sabrina asks.
I reply, "Yes, it was... any real yoga, that is, aside from a bit of 5 minute warm up prior to other workouts."
She says, "Well, you did really great!" and then an older more advanced lady chimes in: "Yes, you both did and congratulations! This is a very difficult yoga to do. Great job!"

I went there feeling totally overwhelmed, scared, intimidated, shy, and unsure about being seen in such little workout clothes. I left there feeling acceptance, accomplishment and a sense of renewal.

I think I loved it.
I know I liked it....
Time will tell if I'll be a Yogi or not.

Jules :Owow!

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Bollywood's "Don 2" was fantastic!

Don 2 was so many things. It was exciting, tantalizing, fun, cute in some parts, smart, witty, full of action, twisty and turny, beautifully produced... 

... and DAMN sexy.  So sexy my panties were wet when I left the theatre, making me wish Thor was back home to welcome me in all my horny glory. 

They wouldn't let me take the cardboard cutout home with me, so my sis and I had our way with it before we left. If there hadn't have been video cameras and people present I'm pretty sure I would have bared my chest and rubbed it .......... 

Wait... where was I? I got lost in a little daydream there. Maybe not being able to purchase the cutout was the best thing. 



Eff sakes. That is one seriously sextastic man outstanding individual. I could just watch him on the big screen all day. Even though Bollywood doesn't have any sex in it, this was sort of akin to me sitting through a 3 hour porn. At least, it had the same effect. It's time to go play and then fall into a blissful sleep. 

Jules :Ommm)

Friday, January 06, 2012

familiar tune?

From the brain of a 6 year old boy:

Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O...
And on that farm he had some nuts, E-I-E-I-O...
With a pee-pee here and a pee-pee there...
Here a pee, there a pee, everywhere a pee-pee...
Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O

I'm so thankful that my son still thinks his "nuts" are only for peeing.

Jules :Ophewph!

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

:O?

I'm not sure that I'm really all that funny or witty anymore. I read back through old blog posts of mine and I laugh at the stupid and funny things I'd say. These days, I'm not so sure I've got it anymore. I mostly just ramble on about serious or touching things... very occasionally I'll talk about my vibrator usage or something that struck me funny while I was out and about. But mostly I've become just a great big sap, no?

What say? Do I make any of you giggle from time to time still? Am I worthwhile reading? Or have I become boring?

Jules :O?

warmth and numbness

Well, I don't know what I did.. maybe pinched some nerve somewhere or something... but my left pinky fingertip is numb today. I don't even think it's been all day. Just since like 1pm. It's sort of weird to have a fingertip be numb.

I wonder if it at all corresponds with the spot just below my left shoulder blade that for about 6 months now has been experiencing a tingling sensation. On and off... and unpredictably. Likely not though.

Today's outside temperature is +13C (or 55F). It's January 4th. Being outside was almost like short sleeve shirt weather. There's not even a wind up here in Central Alberta. Southern Alberta is experiencing an extreme wind event of 110km/h (about 70mph). But here it's calm, very warm and I think that if this keeps up I'll be experiencing spring fever. Again... it's January 4th. I took my son skating today and there were literally puddles on the ice surface. By tomorrow grass will be showing through the outdoor rinks in spots... on January 4th.

Is it safe to say that Canada is no longer the land of igloos and sub zero temperatures? Possibly NOT host to the worst winters imaginable?

Well, I don't think I'd go so far as to say that exactly, because I'm sure we'll have some deep freeze spells still. We've got 3 months of winter to deal with just about still. But I'm sure enjoying this. And it's keeping the roads driveable, which is a total advantage in many ways. It keeps Thor within reach better, it reduced cabin fever, it makes new release Bollywood films in Edmonton or Calgary more accessible......

That's it for now. I have to go play.

Jules :Oj




Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Fun Times Over New Years

Happy New Year to everyone, albeit a couple of days late. I was preoccupied with more important things than blogging over the last few days as it was a fun family holiday with Thor home.

I really enjoy the times when Thor and I are together, with other family members or without. We're great in a social atmosphere as well as on our own, enjoying a quiet evening together. Something I really love about him is his sense of adventure and fun. He's always up for a laugh, or trying something new. This weekend we did go skiing, which was pretty great, but we also strapped on pairs of skates which neither one of us had done in a VERY long time, as well as checking out the local sledding hill and commandeering Thanan's snow-donut (which I think we popped when we decided to go down the hill on it together).

What's awesome about it is that he makes everything look like so much fun I can't help but want to join in.  A couple of times I muttered out loud (but to myself) "wow, he's amazing!", and got a few weird looks from strangers who happened to hear me. You just can't help but want to become a part of the experience. Maybe I've always had that *I'll try just about anything* characteristic inside of me, but he seems to just bring it out a bit more.

So I'd say that the overall word of the weekend was "fun". Fun playing games, visiting, skating, skiing, sledding... and a load full of giggles and good times even when we were having a quiet evening in.

Today Thanan said to me "Because you know mom.. Thor IS just like a kid...."  I nodded and smiled in agreement. I thought it was a sweet thing for a 6 year old to say, especially because I think it means Thanan's saying he can relate to Thor as much as I can (even though it's on an entirely different level).

I hope that you all had someone to welcome 2012 with.. someone who makes you smile and laugh and want relive things from your past. Someone you treasure and adore. Someone who brings out the best in you as much as you do to them. Blessings for a wonderful two-thousand-and-twelve to you all.

Jules :O)