Sometimes it's just too hard. Life. Sometimes it seems so f*cking hard that you feel like you just can't even go on. That the only way to make it through the day is to close your eyes and try to sleep. It's too much to ask for just a single day without an incident of some kind.
The loss of my cat has profoundly struck me. Hard, like mourning for a person. But yesterday when I felt the tears coming, I just swallowed hard and tried to focus on something else. Thor bought me a heart locket for Christmas. I find that if I touch it, I feel better. So I'm always reaching for that lately, it seems. It's easy enough to distract yourself, unless the tv throws programs at you out of nowhere like it did tonight. Eating supper, news was on, tasting the food, enjoying the moment and suddenly the news switches to the "consumer report" segment. The segment: How owning a pet can add up to such high vet bills that often times owners have to put them down rather than fix their problems. 5 minutes of the cost of owning a pet. A dog will cost you $15000 over it's lifetime, and a cat will cost you $12000, even though they live longer. That's just for the vet bills alone, not including food and shelter, toys, etc.
I'm not even kidding. I spent just over $1000 on Manny last week. And then they wanted another $1000 to fix his emergency situation. If I'd have done that, he still would have died of kidney disease, pancreatic disease or most likely liver disease, because all 3 were present in early to moderate stages.
Why didn't I just change the channel? I was stuck. Couldn't move. Could barely even breathe. And to add insult to injury... the cat they started the segment off with... an all black cat. A Manny twin.
Also today, I was dealing with a carbon monoxide detector gone rogue. It woke me up at 6:30am, but not with a CO or fire warning at all. Just with an annoying beep that "chirped" once every minute or so. That high pitched piercing beep that is enough to drive anyone insane in a matter of minutes. Well, I could stand it and even appreciate it if it was really alerting me to anything. I unplugged it from the wiring of the house and it still chirped. Battery backup. Ok. I'm thinking, just get the kids off to their school and program and then come home and deal with it. I get home, it's still beeping intermittently. I read the manual top to bottom online. The beeping doesn't quite match anything they're describing. I blow into it so as to clean it's sensors, and then press the test button. It seems to be working properly. I decide my only action aside from a call to the appropriate electrical people, is to stick a new battery in it, even though it wasn't alerting me to that issue. I tested it again with the new battery, and it stopped beeping at me. Thank F*CK. So I plugged it back into the wall. It communicated with all the smoke detectors, they did a little echoing party of shrieking blips and once they were happy with each other the whole process came to an end, about 3 minutes later. Now it's sitting where it belongs and it's got a green light and I haven't heard from it all night. I hope to God that it doesn't wake me up again because of a "nothing event". If I've got a CO problem, be effing clear about it and have the thing tell me "carbon monoxide" like it's supposed to do. Just in case it goes off, though, I bought a free standing one that isn't connected to the house wiring at all. It's got fresh batteries and I tested it to make sure it works too. So if IT goes off, I'll know I'll need to leave the house and get the furnace and hot water guys to come in and locate the problem. It hasn't detected anything and it's been operating since 11:30am. So I believe we're all fine.
Anyway. Tomorrow, I hope that despite the VERY bone chilling cold temps, I'll have a good day. No tears. No stress. No malfunctions. Just one day. That sure would be nice.