Friday, August 24, 2012

f*ck it.

Today can go get f*cked. It has just been the worst day ever. I have had to CONSTANTLY battle my son who did nothing but talk back, yell, scream, cry, tantrum, boss me around, whine, run off, and blame me for everything he didn't get his way for.

I can not handle days like today. I just am not suited for this sort of incessant struggle.  Out of the 13 hours he was awake for today, at least 8 of them were a battle of him trying to "out-adult" me. It was total bullsh*t.

He's 6. Almost 7. What the hell am I going to be facing when he's 10.. or 14... f*ck me.

My sister says my son has ADHD. My mom says my son has anger issues and needs to go see a shrink. These things make me feel like getting my back up and want to defend my son, because I don't fully feel like they are on the mark. Not helpful. My dad says he's just a kid who's learning his boundaries. My own heart tells me that he's generally a good person and a smart boy and I just need to get control of the situation and teach him who's boss around here.

I have been told I'm a wonderful parent, but on days like today I fail to see it. If I was, how would my son be acting like this? Sometimes I'm totally embarrassed by his behavior.. other times I really couldn't be more proud. It's a constant roller coaster.

The thing is that most days are not like this. Almost every day at some point he will have a mini meltdown, but most of the time, when he's around adults, he's a sweet charming lovable kid. He tells me he loves me, uses his manners, offers hugs and kisses, cuddles me, follows directions and requests, wants to be tucked in at bedtime. It's just when he hears the word "no" too much or is around his cousins that he starts to lose control, and then if it gets lost enough, it lasts longer than normal.  I am afraid of school starting again. But then I think that I need it to start because dealing with the days I have like this over the summer have totally spent me. I don't know.

I just don't know.

But what I do know is that today can go get f*cked.

Jules >:O(

2 comments:

SIMON said...

Well what a wonderfully honest post!!
Yes today can go and get f*cked...
It won't change the fact that you are a great parent and have a fantastic son.
We all have good days and bad including sub 7 year old adults!!
Don't go looking for reasons, no one has ever found the answer!!
You do a fantastic job!
It does get easier, not harder as they get older too!

Jules said...

Thanks Si