Monday, September 10, 2012

a seriously random story from my brain

I just thought of this the other day while I was driving back to the city.

So imagine you are a cow. No, imagine you are a calf.

One day you are frolicking along, flicking flies from your back, and watching drops of snot collect on your nose with each heavy breath you take. It's a game you like to play. Your highest count is 7 at any given time. You decide that you're starving. You spot a patch of nice long green grass growing as high as the middle string of barbed wire and you think to yourself "mooo," because you're a calf. But translated that means "Holy man, that patch of grass looks amazing. I've got to get me some of that!"

So you run full out over to it and happily start munching. You're totally in disbelief that something so delicious exists and that you were lucky enough to claim it among all the hundreds of look-a-likes you live with.

Suddenly, your mom cow calls you on over to her and you think "mooo," because you're a calf. But translated that means "You know what? Some milk would go dandy with this grass in my bellies" and you leave the perfect patch of Heavenly undisturbed grass. But before you leave, you memorize where it's at, so you can come back to it in a few hours for another snack. It's in line with the tree that only has 4 branches on it and 7 leaves, and by your count, it's 142 fence posts over from the corner of the square you live in. Right. Got it.

You go, drink some milk, have a pee, decide to splash around in the pond for a while.. just enjoy in the general activities of a cow's day. Before you know it, the guy who rides the horse and has that yappy dog comes along and herds you into the giant wooded building for the night. You're bummed. They always let the big huge cows stay out at night, but for some reason you always have to go inside to sleep. The next day you are on your way back to your little patch of green Heaven. You're about 20 feet away. A weird looking smile dances upon your lips which bounce around as you gallop towards it, and a string of drool falls from your chin stretching nearly to the ground before it breaks off and disappears. Just as you feast your eyes on your delicious grass, you look up and see your second cousin's uncle bull lifting his tail and depositing a nice giant cow patty right on your patch of grass. You think "moooooo!" because you're a calf. But translated you  mean "Oh the heck! There goes my patch of Heaven!"

This, my friends, is the definition of "reality check".

No matter how much you love the idea of something, it doesn't always mean it's not going to get shit on from time to time.

Jules :Omoo.


SIMON said...

There's just so much to like about that story!! Seriously random or not!!
Nice one Jules!

Jules said...