Sunday, October 28, 2012

pix

Just a bit of randomness from around the city for you to look and and hopefully appreciate. What's your favorite of this group of 4 and why?



 

Jules :O)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

what one word means...

Julie.
Defined, it means:  a popular French first name which originally comes from the Latin Julia which could mean youthful, soft-haired, beautiful or vivacious. It is the feminine form of Julius, and can be a pet form of Julia, or Juliette (from Wikipedia).

To me it means: 
Mother.
Daughter.
Sister.
Partner.
Auntie.
Friend.
Carer.
Hard Worker.
Enthusiast.

... Cancer Survivor.

I found out the results of my biopsied thyroid. 
It had cancer in both sides of it.

I thought I was having difficulty accepting my scar, but now my scar means that my life was saved. Today, I don't hate my scar. I am thankful for it. I get some more time to raise my son, to love my loved ones, to do the things I have left un-done, to enjoy life. 

I had a bad feeling about the nodules ever since they were first detected some 5 years ago. I was tired all the time, and I began to have darkened circles under my eyes, and many health issues. My systems weren't quite.. right, I could tell. It took until now to figure it out. I'll go see my surgeon in about 2 weeks and will discuss whether further tests or treatments are required. I have some adjustments to make and I have to get to know my new body, as things feel a bit foreign to me right now, but I am grateful for this to be finally diagnosed and treated. I am scared that some of it may have spread, although people are reassuring me that probably isn't the case because thyroid cancer doesn't typically grow fast nor does it typically spread to other areas. It is probably an irrational fear, but one I have to deal with emotionally nonetheless. I do feel blessed, at this point. I'll know more after I talk to the surgeon. Until then, I'm going to do my best to think and stay positive. 

Afterall, what is better than a new lease on life ... ... right? 

Jules :Owow...

Thursday, October 18, 2012

my total thyroidectomy

Well here's what you've been waiting for. I came home from the hospital a week ago today. They sent me home with this steri-strip bandage and said to take it off in a week. So this morning, I dropped Thanan off at school, and came home to delve into the task. I was very apprehensive and wished Thor was still here looking after both my physical and emotional health. I was pleased to see that all the bruising is gone now, as I had a few and one was quite large.


I took a deep breath and started to peel off the bandage. It came off easily, and was pretty much barely still stuck on. I had thought that my neck felt so "tuggish" there because of the bandage, but it is just because of the trauma, I've discovered.


Here it is, freshly uncovered. I hadn't washed it yet. I think that I should be considering myself lucky because all of the other thyroidectomy scars I have seen on people have been literally twice as long or more than mine is... yet... I want to cry. I don't recognize whose neck that is... I don't feel like that's who I am. It doesn't look as bad in the pic as it does in real life. It's quite a puffy scar, because I tend to scar that way, and will be quite visible forever now, I think. I fear.


I put on this brave face, but inside I am very emotional. I'll just have to come to terms with it all, and accept how I look now. I have to be thankful and I should be feeling blessed. I made it through the surgery well. I still have my voice in tact and it's smoother and better sounding than it has been in years (though I haven't really given my singing voice a fair try yet as it strains my vocal chords right now), and I still have my parathyroid glands in tact so I won't have any calcium deficiencies. I can swallow again without things getting stuck in my throat. These are things I am very grateful for. I am grateful that Thor was here to see me through the whole thing and take care of me, and I am grateful that I seem to be adapting to the synthroid without too much problem. I am grateful that the anesthetic seems to finally be gone from my body and that I am building my stamina back up. This is the beginning of a new chapter in life. I guess I'll just have to keep turning the pages, one page at a time.

Jules :Oj

Sunday, October 14, 2012

still kicking

OK.

So I made it through surgery, and I'm back home after 2 nights in hospital. I am down one body organ, but boy was that ever necessary. I have about a 2" incision across the base of my neck, but that's better than I was expecting. All the people I've seen who've had a thyroidectomy have had these giant scars that run the whole span of their neck. So I guess I lucked out that my surgeon could squeeze my giant thyroid out through a small hole. My para-thyroids are all in tact and... wait for it... here's the best part... I can still talk! I'll receive my results of biopsy within 3 weeks when I go follow up with my surgeon.

I'm sore, stiff and weak, but I will improve every day. I have to adjust to how my body feels on the synthroid    pill I have to take every day now, and it's been strange adjusting to it, but it will soon become my norm.

That's all I feel like sitting here for today. Just a quick update.

Jules :Oj

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

drama

Thursday sees me in the hospital for my total thyroidectomy. It's the first time I'll have something taken out of my body. It's NOT, however, the first time I've seen the inside of an operating room. That is something I'm all too familiar with. It's just that I've always only been "modified"... not so drastically changed that a piece of me will be gone forever. It's a strange feeling.

I'm not trying to be a pussy about it. I'll go in strong and brave, hiding my fears if they sneak up on me, as I always do. I'm sure I'll be fine. I'll have Thor at my side. How could I not be fine? Wish me luck and say a little prayer for me that I make it through it all ok.

On a totally different note, this morning I walked my son to school, because it's "Walk to School Week", and seeing as how I wasn't in a rush to get foster-guy to his day program, we walked. On the way back, I see this tiny little girl running toward me, just about in front of my house. She had no other people with her, not a soul. She was barefoot, no socks, shoes or coat. Just some little pink monkey pajamas and her jet black hair all twisted in little free roaming braids, no older than 2 years old. She had tiny little gold hoop earrings in. And she had the look of horror in her eyes and huge tears streaming down her little cheeks.

I stopped her and asked her where her mommy and daddy were. All she could do was continue to cry and panic. I asked her if she was lost. She squeaked out a "yes". Without any further hesitation, I scooped the little tiny doll into my arms, away from the threats of kidnappers and traffic, bundled her up on my couch and dialed 911. To my surprise, I had to wait on hold for a few minutes, but when I did get through, I talked to a Constable and he said he was on his way right over. In the meantime, I found an old pair of Thanan's socks to give her, and a small vest I had stored away in a baby clothes box, and I searched for some tiny boots and a small enough coat. I offered her a white teddy bear with a pink ribbon to take her fears away. She gratefully clung to him, and named him "Teddy". She eventually stopped crying and was able to tell me her first name. Alima. And she was African American. And I knew of one family, who's daughter was in my lunch room last year where I supervised, but I wasn't sure where they lived. It was close by though, I figured. So I held onto the little tiny girl, all bundled up and shivering, and we watched Max and Ruby on Teletoon until the Constable arrived. Then we put Alima and my foster-guy in my car and had a police escort to the general area where I thought the little girl lived. As I parked, her mother came flying down the street. A complete mess and frantic; a neighbour literally holding her up. She got to my feet as I said "She's ok, I found her... it's all going to be ok now, she's safe..." the woman fell to my feet screaming to the Lord all high praise before she fell backwards as if she was going to faint. I kept Alima in my arms, and said to the police officer "She's in shock... we need to help her!" Little Alima stuck to me like glue, crying again because of fear for what was now happening to her mom. We got the mother into the garage where she propped herself up and refused an ambulance. It was about then that the father showed up and they exchanged words in their native tongue, then he introduced himself to the officer, and then grabbed me and hugged me so hard I thought my head was going to pop off, while saying "God Bless your soul, thank you, thank you!!" I nearly fell over, myself, when he finally let go.

Finally, all was calm, numbers and names were given, the child was back with her family and I was coming off the adrenalin high. I'm proud of how I handled the situation. I remained completely calm and flawless. And I felt amazing for keeping that little baby girl safe until we could get her home. It made me think about the old days when there were block parents. I'm going to look into that when I'm feeling better. Whatever happened to that?

The woman, upon being questioned for her name, said that she didn't want any trouble to come of this. That statement made me nervous. Last year when I supervised at the school, her older daughter told me they were from Africa. I know that child social services will be called and I have no doubt that they are a loving and beautiful family. I just hope that they are legally allowed to be in Canada and that this doesn't cause some sort of immigration trouble for them. I couldn't really figure out why the mom hadn't reported her daughter's disappearance immediately to the police. She never did call it in.

Well, whatever happens next happens and it's not anything to do with me. I just needed to make sure the little girl was safe and returned to her family.

Quite a dramatic morning.

Jules :Oj

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Weee!


Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Are you technically single but very deeply involved with someone, Cancer? (yes) If so, don't be surprised if today you extend or receive a proposal of marriage. (what? really? awesome!) Recent events have brought you very close together and greatly intensified the bond between you. (yay!) Your partner may want to legalize that bond. Do you? (yes) If there is even the smallest doubt, give yourself some time to think. (not necessary) Acting on impulse isn't a good idea right now. (when do I ever act on impulse? I'm a cancerian!!)


... ... Really! How could I NOT post this awesome horoscope? Too bad I don't put much faith in these little blips anymore. 

On a different note.. I found something today that just sort of dropped into my lap by a twist of fate, perhaps, that I am really stoked about. Hopefully in the new year I'll be able to share the news with everyone! Eeee! It's one of those "I think I've found my purpose" things. I'm totally buzzing about it! 

On another different note: I didn't get my children's book published. So I guess that wasn't meant to be, at least not by that publishing company. Apparently they get 1000's of children's book submissions in a year and they can only publish 8. Maybe I need to send mine to a company who has more ability to publish. I'm sure I'll try the whole thing again, someday. 

Guess that's all for today. 

Jules :O)