Friday, February 15, 2013

Emotional roller coaster day

Day 8 was a busy, demanding, uber stressful, disappointing and yet ended up being a happy one.

I had to go to the Cross in Edmonton for follow up radiation monitoring. It turns out I still can't be around people normally yet. Not till Tuesday. I'm bummed, because I really super miss my son. I miss our cuddle times, our giggles, our playtimes, our talks.. even the frustrating times, I miss right now. And knowing he's just down the street from me at his Dad's and at school really makes it more difficult to be away from him. But I just have to endure this for a few more days and then I can get back to living my normal life.

The scary thing about the past 2 weeks has been that my Oncologist wanted to do a SPECT CT scan and the day after I had that done, I got a phone call from him saying he saw some questionable spots on my liver and spleen. So there was more testing necessary, and I've been waiting to hear about that. The fear of cancer being on more major body organs was a very hard thing to live with. Well, since my body is retaining the radiation longer than thought, they wanted to do an impromptu CT scan on me again today and see if the radiation had made its way to my liver and spleen, which would be indicative of cancer there also.  Thankfully, praise all the Gods in the universe, they see no cancer there. What I do have are called hemangiomas, and they are quite rare, according to my Oncologist. That's the same thing I have, basically, in my lung that nearly killed me twice a decade ago, think of it like a mass of twisted blood vessels that are all wound and squished together, whereby creating unwanted blood vessel pressure, where they should be laying in a nice flat pattern. They come with risks of their own. However, when it's on the liver and spleen, it has little risk of hemorhaging, so likely I'll just live a life with no complications from them. I guess we'll have to keep an eye on them to make sure they don't get too big throughout my life. I also have gall stones, but currently they are asymptomatic as well. I guess most of us have gall stones or kidney stones and don't even know it.

I have not been cleared of cancer yet.. not given the "cured" word. In 3 months I'll have more testing. In 6 months, more scans. Hopefully after that, they will use the word "cured" and this will all just be a thing I lived through once upon a time. THAT is the day I have a big celebration.

I don't think I'll blog about this anymore, at least not for a while, not unless anything big happens. I don't want to bring you all down. This blog is s'posed to be a fun and carefree place, well, most of the time. So for now I'll close this door and get back to my normal self. I'm still in here... somewhere. 

Jules :Oj


SIMON said...

Sometimes it's good to be updated, other times maybe not so good?
In the long term I wish you a speedy return to good health and reasonable normality!
In the short term may it be uber quick before the return of Thanan!

Jonathan Wieler said...

Thanks for sharing. Cancer is scary! I am glad that things are well with you!