Monday, March 31, 2014

That moment...

That moment when you've just spent the last 20 minutes studying the government's weather satellite imagery and are finally convinced that what they say about sunshine and an end to snow must be true, and then you look outside and still see snow falling with no sign of blue skies anywhere.

Grump.

Jules >:O\

Thursday, March 27, 2014

gasp moment

I'm still an avid crotch watcher. I always have been, and I'm afraid I probably always will be. It's not about being horny at all, and crotch watchnig doesn't turn me into a salivating beast who wants to pounce. It's more about just admiring the package that's being presented. Men, take this as a lesson.. package your packages so as to adequately and appropriately display them for us women who like to admire. I suspect this is akin to men who like to admire boobs or butts from afar, and the reason push up bras were invented. 

Case in point... I was watching the movie Last Vegas with my sister not too many weeks ago and Morgan Freeman was being introduced as one of the movie's main characters in a scene where he is holding his grand baby in his arms and gently swaying side to side with her. The camera goes from a close up and moves into a full room view in which he slowly turns to the side and back to front. 

I let out a *gasp* and before I knew what I was saying, I squealed "Did you see his package?!?!" to my totally unsuspecting sister. She went "What?! No... Julie!!!" and that prompted us to rewind it so she could see. I have to say.. unless they stuffed his pants, Morgan Freeman is packing some major punch in those jeans.

Maybe I shouldn't be talking about crotch watching. I don't often comment on it, and certainly never comment on it when I'm with people I know it would offend. Like, I don't do it when I'm out with my mom, for example. Well, I do it, I just don't comment. 

So what's the point to this blog post? I'm not sure. Just to remind you all that I really haven't changed.. I'm just a bit more subtle about things, perhaps. Or maybe just to say that it's okay to admire, as long as it's in good taste and not offensive to those around you. Or maybe I just wanted to blog about Morgan's giant package, because it needed to be said, because it was such a shocker. 

That is all. 

Jules :Oj


Sunday, March 23, 2014

hard... and balls...

Day 1: Sad, but I can still smell his scent.. how heavenly.

Day 2: Sad, but when I close my eyes, he's there.

Day 3: Comfortably numb... I can still feel his presence beside me.

Day 4: I'll play a song that reminds me of our time together.

Day 5: Numb.. if I stop feeling things, I won't miss him.

Day 6: Someone distract me.. seriously.. now.

Week 1: I just want his hug.

Week 2: I really miss his feet at night.

Week 3: I severely miss his kisses.

Week 4: I just wish we could cuddle, I miss him far far too much.

Week 5: Not recommended.

Week 6: Look out world, cuz the only thing keeping me from going is an earthly disaster and you 'd best not get in my way. If it falls through I might just die.

Week 7: Let there NEVER be a week 7.

--------------------------------------------------------------

On a totally different note, not at all related, I'd like to thank the number of people who have viewed my "Holy Hanging Cheese Balls, Batman" post (just a few posts back). It's officially my number one post ever, or at least over the past couple of years. I find that so ironic, since I was venting about something so gross and disturbing. I think if you mention the word "balls", people tend to come a looking.

UPDATE: Oh nevermind. That statement prompted me to go ahead and look through all my stats, and there are lots that have outdone that one (I have a few that surprised me at the number of visits!). I should have looked before I said that. Why not just delete this section then? Cuz frankly, I still wanted to have another post with "balls" in it.

Jules :O\

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

the pits...

Have you ever used the expression: Where in the sam hell did I leave.. (insert name of something here)..?

I used it on Sunday, and I used it again today and I mean, I never use that expression. But this morning when I was thinking it, I wondered something of vital importance.

I want to know why Sam was so special and why he got his own distinctive hell.

Like, is it better or worse than regular hell? Is it a place where only people named Sam go who are deemed unworthy or bad? Are there other hells.. like is there a hell for Patty's? And do people use that as an expression... where in the patty hell did I put my car keys?

And why do lost items seem to go missing into sam's hell, anyway?

Jules :O?


Monday, March 17, 2014

What's worse?

What's worse... hair in your food, or unwanted hair on your body?

What's worse... a piece of snot stuck hanging in your nose, or a giant whitehead pimple?

What's worse... someone's leftover #1 in the toilet, or someone's leftover #2?

What's worse... itching or aching?

What's worse... allergies or a cold?

What's worse... stinky shoes or stinky cheese?

What's worse... lingering skunk smell or someone's lingering body odor smell?

What's worse... extreme hunger or extreme thirst?

What's worse... being so tired you're wide awake or being so awake you're on the verge of crashing?

What's worse... stepping in dog poo or unexpectedly stepping into a really deep puddle?

That's all I've got. I just had to occupy an extra 10 minutes of time. This took up some of that.

Jules :Oj

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

That's just plain ballsy!

Put your hands up if you have any idea why I stopped to take a photo of this stuffed kangaroo in the window of a store in the local mall tonight. 


Here's a hint...


Woooo-eeee Roo! Those are some mighty fine hairy ball sacs you've got hanging down there! Way to go taxidermiest! I bet you had fun handling those! I wonder... did you manscape them, too? They look pretty evenly trimmed.

Jules:Olmao!

Low internal memory warning...

If you've never plugged your phone into your computer and seen what you've got on it's hard drive, I encourage you to do so. It's amazing what your phone holds onto without you even realizing it! I currently have an HTC Android that my mom gave me when my Blackberry crashed. Here's what I just discovered...

Think that you've deleted a photo you may have taken but then decided to get rid of? You deleted it from your photos folder via your phone, right? Well, go in and look at your phone's hard drive, and you'll probably find a totally obscure folder somewhere in there that's holding onto thumbnails or in some cases, larger sized images, of those which you thought you deleted. I had almost 300 thumbnails and larger images stored on my phone that I thought I had gotten rid of ages ago.

Also, I found a folder dedicated to screenshots that it took all on its own accord of web search pages that I'd been to by using my phone's "quick search google" feature. I mean seriously... do I really need my phone to be taking snapshots of google's homepage screen?

The other thing I got rid of was a folder of random mp3's that I know I didn't install on there. They came with the system, they're not necessary, they're not part of the phone's "sound options" for ringtones. They were unnecessary. And mp3's take up a lot of space.

My phone malfunctions from time to time, saying its internal memory is too low, but I couldn't figure out why. I onlypurposefully keep about 60 pics on there at any given time, I don't have music on there, and any little video clips are few and far between and they get transferred to my laptop and then deleted from the phone. But now I know.. it's no wonder! It's been keeping all these images and unnecessary files since the day I got it!

Go in, clean up your phone's files, and get back to a quicker, more responsive, fully functioning phone again.

Jules :Otechrant(

Sunday, March 09, 2014

Deflation... a very personal post..

Sometimes, like on more than one occasion this weekend, I just want to quit. I just want to quit being a parent to a child who is so frustrating, who doesn't ever think through the consequences of his actions, who seems incapable of making choices with any sort of sound judgement, who never seems to understand that what he does directly affects other people, regardless of how many lectures and examples are set forth, who doesn't seem to learn from either positive or negative reinforcement, who doesn't seem to have an internal registrar to direct his actions and who doesn't seem impacted by the impact he's having on others at all.

It might be small.. maybe he's just picking away at something or someone in a small way that doesn't seem to amount to much, but has potential to become a big deal. Or maybe it's a huge deal and it could cause someone extreme anxiety or unwanted stress. Or anywhere in between. He just doesn't think! And I feel like I'm just not getting through to him. He says "I get it!" but I fear that he just does not "get it" because a day later, or even hours later in some cases, he's back at it, making poor decisions that negatively affect everything.

Right now, I'm drained. I want to give up. I want to fix him. I want to get rid of his ADD and make him "normal".

But then if I sit and think about it, he can also be the opposite of all that. He can be the most adorable, loving, humorous, smart and endearing boy out there.. where he makes a positive impact and I've got parents saying what a dream he must be. Inside I laugh when they say that.. I think "if you only knew how difficult my life with my ADD son is...".

I wish he would understand that the loving nurturer who takes care of him, praises him, and adores him has a waaaay bigger impact that the one who needs to scold and discipline him. I wish he'd figure out that smiles and kisses, hugs and cuddles feel better than being grounded and writing lines, or having stuff taken away from him. Maybe he knows it, it's just the symptoms of his condition that keep him from acting properly. Blame the condition, not the person? I don't know.

I am stressed out... and I just keep thinking about how this can't be healthy for me, or my relationship with him. How do you find zen and be at peace when you've got this constant force of negativity to deal with.. 24/7. At least people who get stressed on the job can turn it off when they leave work. My stress never goes away.

How selfish of me, right? I'm not the only parent on the planet, and all people have stress caused by other people, children, co-workers, or siblings, friends or other family members.

So now I'm stressed AND feeling guilty for this post. Awesome. I should just suck it up like everyone else on the earth does. Just suck it up. Deal. There's nothing more to it.

I'm fragile, watch how you respond, please...

Jules :'O(

Thursday, March 06, 2014

Relationship Status Check...

I guess I must have been somewhere where this group was speaking about about violence prevention. They were handing out bookmarks and on them, it lists the qualities of a healthy relationship. They are:
  • Makes me feel safe
  • Makes me feel comfortable
  • Listens to me
  • Values my opinions
  • Supports what I want to do in life
  • Is truthful with me
  • Admits to being wrong
  • Respects me
  • Always tries to understand how I feel
  • Likes that I have other friends
  • Makes me laugh
  • Trusts me
  • Treats me as an equal
  • Respects my family
  • Understands my needs for time alone or with family
  • Accepts me as I am
They also list the warning signs of abuse and warn that if you see these, especially to an extreme, to rethink the relationship:
  • Is jealous
  • Is possessive
  • Tries to control me
  • Gets violent, loses temper quickly
  • Always blames me
  • Is sexually demanding
  • Keeps me from seeing my friends and family
  • Makes all of the decisions
  • Embarrasses me in front of others
  • Hits me
  • Makes me cry
  • Makes me feel afraid
  • Is always "checking up" on me 
  • Takes my money and other things
  • Threatens to leave me if I don't do what I'm told
  • Teases, bullies and puts me down
I'm happy to say, according to this, I found a reallllly wonderful man, and I think I'm as great of a woman, and we have an awesome relationship. Definitely something worthwhile and worth keeping when you finally come across it. 

Best of luck on your own endeavours to find the one who will love you, stay clear of those who love you not! 

Jules :Olove)

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Nose hairs are for more than you might think...

The inclusion of nose hairs in our divine creation, or evolution (depending on what mindset and belief system you have, I don't judge) was for more than you might think. There are TWO, count them.. two very good reasons nose hairs were made a part of us.

The first one is obvious. But if I didn't mention it I would lose credibility, so the first one is that they act as a filter for unwanted objects and particles going into our bodies through our nose and into our lungs. And thank goodness for that. How much dust would work its way into our lungs if we didn't have nose hairs to sort things out on an initial basis for us? I can't fathom. Too bad they weren't, like, nose hairs of steel. Imagine how many peas would be prevented from being stuffed up there as a kid if we had super rigid nose hairs.

The second and VERY valid reason for our nose hairs is that they are a form of punishment. If you've done something bad in your life, if you've sinned, I believe that if you pluck a nose hair out with a pair of tweezers, you will be granted forgiveness. The amount of nose hairs you must pluck to be "cleansed" of your wrong doing depends on how bad the wrong doing was, of course. If you lied, or put your garbage in with your neighbour's trash, just one nose hair is sufficient. Sort of like saying one Hail Mary. But if you've done something that you're feeling REALLY guilty about, perhaps pulling 3 or 4 nose hairs will do the trick. Worst crimes are punishable by complete nose hair extraction.

I say this because there is nothing more eye wateringly painful that you can inflict upon yourself than pulling your nose hairs out with tweezers. I mean, you seriously have to work yourself up for the task. It's enough to make the toughest man's eyes water, even just a single nose hair extraction.

And so, I do declare that it should be a recognized form of punishment. They should do that shit in prison. Instead of locking people up into solitary confinement, they should get a nose hair consequence, done in front of all the other inmates so they can all see the prisoner cry. That would be enough to set them straight for sure. Right?

Go try it. I dare you.

Jules :8)