Sunday, March 02, 2014

Nose hairs are for more than you might think...

The inclusion of nose hairs in our divine creation, or evolution (depending on what mindset and belief system you have, I don't judge) was for more than you might think. There are TWO, count them.. two very good reasons nose hairs were made a part of us.

The first one is obvious. But if I didn't mention it I would lose credibility, so the first one is that they act as a filter for unwanted objects and particles going into our bodies through our nose and into our lungs. And thank goodness for that. How much dust would work its way into our lungs if we didn't have nose hairs to sort things out on an initial basis for us? I can't fathom. Too bad they weren't, like, nose hairs of steel. Imagine how many peas would be prevented from being stuffed up there as a kid if we had super rigid nose hairs.

The second and VERY valid reason for our nose hairs is that they are a form of punishment. If you've done something bad in your life, if you've sinned, I believe that if you pluck a nose hair out with a pair of tweezers, you will be granted forgiveness. The amount of nose hairs you must pluck to be "cleansed" of your wrong doing depends on how bad the wrong doing was, of course. If you lied, or put your garbage in with your neighbour's trash, just one nose hair is sufficient. Sort of like saying one Hail Mary. But if you've done something that you're feeling REALLY guilty about, perhaps pulling 3 or 4 nose hairs will do the trick. Worst crimes are punishable by complete nose hair extraction.

I say this because there is nothing more eye wateringly painful that you can inflict upon yourself than pulling your nose hairs out with tweezers. I mean, you seriously have to work yourself up for the task. It's enough to make the toughest man's eyes water, even just a single nose hair extraction.

And so, I do declare that it should be a recognized form of punishment. They should do that shit in prison. Instead of locking people up into solitary confinement, they should get a nose hair consequence, done in front of all the other inmates so they can all see the prisoner cry. That would be enough to set them straight for sure. Right?

Go try it. I dare you.

Jules :8)


SIMON said...

Lovely post!! I must just add that if for any reason you have had your face altered by surgery, elective or not, the whole thing is exaggerated by having hairs or bristles growing in less than usual places!!

Jules said...