Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Gas is gas, distributor beware...

I just wanted to take a moment and reflect on something.

Have you ever been driving in your car just after having eaten something and you swallowed a bit too much air with your meal so you end up burping and that burp cloud that's released ends up bouncing right back towards you off your driver's side window, leaving you with a whiff of what you just ate, in a mildly acidic and somewhat digested format, like a slap in the face?  And then you end up making that "ewww.." face and you're thankful nobody else is in the car with you... or if there is, you hope the scent doesn't waft their way, while you contemplate heartily announcing "Man! That was a good burger the second time around too!" just to cover your butt so they know it was a burp and not a fart.

Does that ever happen to you?

Burps can smell just as awful as farts, sometimes. So if this is true, why is it impolite to pass anal gas on or near people, but it's not impolite to expel and blow gross oral fumes near the person next to or in front of you? Sometimes farts don't even have smells and I'm pretty sure burps always do.

Is it because typically speaking, a fart that has a stench will linger longer in the air than a burp will? And why does that happen anyway? They're both just gas, being released at or around the same volume and force. Why does a fart linger and a burp doesn't? Does it have something to do with the temperature of the air being released? Is a burp hotter than a fart, or is it vice versa? Has that study been done?

I think gas is just gas, it's best to release it when you have to, holding it in doesn't do yourself any favors. But it's best to be discrete about it if at all possible, and if you have to burp, it's best to face a different direction and blow the burp away from anyone else near you. I typically blow my burps upwards like a person who's blowing out a lung full of cigarette smoke up into the air instead of in someone's face (you've seen that scene enough times to get the picture here). I suggest you follow this as a guideline for proper burp etiquette from now on, too. I mean, when people are around. Who cares if you're by yourself. You can sit there and soak in the smells of your own bodily odor as much as you deem appropriate. It is, afterall, yours to bask in.

End of thought.

Jules :O?


SIMON said...

Yes maybe we should be always discrete with where, when and how we dispel gases but have you considered that burps unlike farts can be sweet too?!!

Jules said...

It's been so long that I've eaten anything sugary that I've forgotten that fact, I guess!