It seems like since September, life has been SOOO stressful.
My foster guy's meds stopped working for him resulting in much verbal abuse from him on a daily basis. We trialled a new med, but that made things worse, so we had to go back to the original med and increase it. It's levelled things out, but then his father passed away, and he's been a rollercoaster ever since. Losing someone impacts him more deeply than one would think it would, considering he's autistic and they aren't known for making strong bonds.
Then, just before Christmas a few things happened. Thor's Aunt passed away, throwing things in Montana in to a bit of a tailspin for Christmas time, definitely putting a downer on the season. Then my foster guy's evening Bridger quit with only 3 days notice, and she was also his weekend respite and she quit that as well with NO notice at all. She got a new job and said she couldn't fit respite in with her new hours. Actually, she could, she just used it as an excuse not to work with him anymore.
Suddenly, my ability to:
a) have time alone in my house with my son, and
b) get time away from this place and go see Thor,
became pretty much impossible. It had already been slightly affected when the foster guy's dad died, but now... now things are really eff'd up in my life.
So since the 3rd week of December, I've been desperately trying to find a respite family for 2 weekends per month. I had 4 people lined up to apply and go through the interview process. Once can't even apply until she returns from snowbirding in the States in April. One of them already changed her mind and opted out. One of them almost got fed up with the application process, but I convinced her to plough through it and she finally submitted hers. The 4th is waiting to hear if her boyf's past mistakes will get in the way of applying. My agency has literally no-one who will take my guy. Half of the names on the relief list didn't even bother to return my call and some refused based on the grounds that he needs personal care done. (Why did the agency approve staff who won't do personal care in this industry?!) The really crap thing is that they won't take him, but honestly, compared to just about anyone in service, my guy is quite a good client to deal with, aside from a few things, especially now that the verbal abuse has become more under control again. He's never physically aggressive, won't wreck your property, and most of the time he sleeps through the night. Those 3 things right there are better than a good portion of the population we deal with. And it seems like every time I turn around, the agency puts up another red tape to get stuck in or wall to climb over. UGH! Why is this so hard?!!?
I don't know. My point is life is stressful and I'm burning out, big time. Hopefully the grasp of depression won't just lasso me sometime in the future and drag me down in the dirt. But I wouldn't be surprised. I've just got to focus on the tiny positive things, and not dwell on negatives. Easier said than done though. Universe... feed me something good for once, because the diet you've thrown my way lately won't suffice much longer.
Jules :Ofed up(