Thursday, January 14, 2016

Each and every morning goes something like this...

7:15 - "Thanan, wake up, wake uppp Buddy." (I do this by gently nudging him, sweetly talking in his ear, kissing him on the cheek, maybe I throw in a playful little tickle)

7:20 - 7:30 - Repeats of 7:15.. with little to no response.

7:35 to 7:40 - Thanan pokes his head out of his room and declares: "I've told you before Mom, I don't get up before 7:30. Don't even bother to wake me up before that!" To which I reply:  "Do not speak to me that way, son. And honestly, if you can't speak nicely, don't even speak at all, seriously, just don't even talk."

7:41 - "Mom, can I please have some paper to write on?"  (I direct him to a notepad on the fridge).

7:45 - This note appears on his bedroom door (yes it took him 4 minutes to do this):

It says: DO NOT W-Ake up util 7:30 AM. 

8:05 - We leave for school at 8:30am. None of his morning routine is done yet. In my head I'm beginning to go a little bit ballistic as I read the note on the door. So I say: "I wake you up early because it takes you 20 minutes to pull yourself out of bed in the morning, and an hour to do your 4 morning routine things. If I woke you up at 7:30, it would be 7:50 or 8am before you even get out of bed and we'd be late for school. Prove to me that you can get up within 1 or 2 minutes and do your routine quickly and I'll start waking you up later."

For the rest of the morning, every remark was snarky that came out of his mouth, every single task to get ready was long drawn out. It literally took 13 minutes for him to pee and brush his teeth. 13 minutes to do something that should take 3, max.

8:15 - Thanan enters the bathroom and squeals in disgust: "OMG Mom! What's that SMELL!?!?! UGH!!!"

To which I matter of factly reply: "I pooped."

He says: "That's so gross, I can't handle the smell! How can I even begin to brush my teeth in there!?! Uhhhhh!!"

I say: "Look, it's not my problem that you were so incredibly slow and didn't get your morning routine done before I had to poop. Figure out a way to get your routine done. I don't freak out when you drop a bomb in there and I have to go in after you, and honestly, it barely smells in there. Turn the fan on and deal with it."

One would think that would be enough incentive. I'm gona bet it won't be though. I'm going to make it my mission in life to poop every morning just prior to when he needs to go in there and use the bathroom before school now. If he hates it that much, it ought to be all the push he needs to get up and ready quickly, because shit happens, every morning.

By the way, my beloved son, you forgot the "n" in "until". If you're going to tell me off, at least spell correctly.

A morning in the life of Jules. *sigh*


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