Monday, April 24, 2017

Just take deep breaths...

I'm fed up.

This is the place I can come to vent, so I'm going to do so.

1) I'm getting less and less support from my autistic foster guy's real family and I'm worried about my his mental health because of their lack of involvement in his life. Seriously. I don't know how to explain to him that they just aren't interested in seeing him. As a result, I get to deal with the increases in behaviors, and my likelihood of burning out increases.

2) I'm sick and tired of hearing about every little insignificant scratch, spot, pimple, bruise, bump, plugged nose, etc. that my son goes through on what is almost an hourly basis. Headache, sore toe, sore finger, stomach ache, toothache.... He seems to have every pain under the sun, but only as an excuse not to do the things I want him to do. Today it was because he didn't want to wake up for school, and then again because he didn't want to practice his flute. Save it for when something's actually wrong, please. Otherwise, I'm going to become desensitized to your ailments and I will think you're crying wolf when something's really wrong. The kicker is that I look at each and every complaint but find nothing to be concerned about so I tell him it's fine, and then all I get is a "You don't care about me, you never sympathize with me" response. There's no way to win this.

3) Dealing with parenting as a single parent when I'm not actually single just sucks. Maybe it wouldn't be any easier if Thor was living here, but somehow having that extra adult in the room to give me that look that says "Don't worry Sweetie, you're not actually going to go insane here..." would sure help me deal with stuff.

4) My new neighbors are renters, again.. and they have now somehow squeezed an SUV, a large truck, a small semi/trailer unit, and a large white school bus in their back yard. Plus, they have another work van parked out front. There are 2 people living next door. They have completely wrecked their back yard. Maybe I shouldn't care, but I have to look at it out my living room view constantly. I suppose that IS better than the drug dealer that was there previously.

5) My ex got laid off and now it's affecting everything. I have this nagging feeling that he is going to try and get out of his weekends with our son, and skip out on child support. For a decade, everything's been just fine, mostly. Now I feel a major change coming on, and it's not going to benefit my son or I. Also, I'm trying to plan the one week off that I get in the summer, and it's nearly impossible because a) refer back to #1, and b) my ex can't guarantee the date this year that he always takes my son. So everything's all up in the air. The thing is, with my work, if I don't plan this far in advance, I will not get any time off at all.

I know I should focus on good things. What's good... my health's mostly ok. That's good I guess. I still have a job, several, in fact. My fidgi spinz are popular. My boyfriend loves me. My son can be sweet when he wants to. My autistic foster guy will give me a hug if I ask him for one. I have all of my basic needs met. I shouldn't be complaining. The best thing right now is that it's almost time to get these guys into bed. That's a score one for me.


Maybe that will make me feel better.

Jules :OImGonaBlow(