It's the last uncensored space that I can be free to be myself in.
Actually, it was also the first.
I've been gone a while, but maybe this is where I need to start coming again.
I often have all sorts of thoughts that I have to keep inside my brain, because they probably would be considered in that "too much information" category, or even distasteful. But really... I still want to say them and when I can't, I feel like I have to keep myself all bottled up inside.
I wish I could be a bit more free than society allows for. I used to be, when I was in my 20's. It's like, nonsense is expected of that age group, but once you either 1) have kids or 2) hit the age of 30, it's time to grow up, act more mature.. forget that you still like to be free and have fun, laugh. Forget all sense of immaturity, don't think funny thoughts anymore. Grow up.
I wish growing up meant that you could still just say what you wanted without having to endure people judging or shunning you.
Aren't the thoughts that you had in your 20's still funny in your 40's? Yes, yes they often are.
When Thor and I get together we often laugh like we would have in our 20's. I love that. I don't have to censor myself around him. He never tells me "That's TMI, Jules...". We talk, and laugh, and make fun of things on tv or in life that we probly shouldn't admit to, but we do it because it's a relief to be able to have that sort of release from all of the censorship. Well, I don't know if he feels the same way, but that's partly why I do it and love it.
I should just start blabbing stuff out wherever I go and not care. Afterall, aren't the 40's supposed to be about knowing who you are and being comfortable enough to be yourself?
Today, my mom's friend had a dog hair on her shin which looked like it was growing there, and cracked a joke: "I promise I shaved!" So I said "Are you sure that didn't migrate down from the upper nether regions?" It was a long black hair. Everyone laughed as she turned a little flushed then actually checked up her own shorts to make sure there were no pubes falling down. Good times.
I'm going to strive for more times like that.